The worst reviews. (2)

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Dark_Mario7
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#41

Post by Dark_Mario7 » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:13 pm

Warcraft 3

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

WHAT KIND OF GAME DO YOU* BUILD AN ARMY? Don't people know that you picked drunken hillbillies of the street and hand them a shotgun? Blizzard must have been on crack. Also, THERES NO SUCH THING AS ORCS! When's the last time you saw a 500 lbs. discolored human? Or undead. WHY NOT HALF LIFE ZOMBIES BEKUZ THEY LOOK KICK ASS!?>!}Liugre78tr ALSO THOSE TREE PEOPLES LOOK SO 2d!?? HOW KAN THAY KALLE THES A 3d GAME?!?!? BLIZZARD SUCKS!

1/893478937858757647646564758787

WC 3 Sucks badly. Better to spend money on a Barney DVD then this crap..
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#42

Post by Bomby » Thu Jul 03, 2003 6:36 pm

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I had once heard about a game called "Zelda" about 4.5 years back, everyone was atlking about it, so I figured I may as well give it a try.

Boy, do I regret it. First of all, your supposed "Hero of Time" looks like the king of fairies, even compared to his annoying fairy friend, which is just a ball of light with wings attatched. Not only that, but he's a seven year old boy! Hero of Time my ass, more like Hero of the Cookie Jar!

The play control is terrible. Link runs slower than my dead grandma, and it's near impossible to aim his stupid weapons.

What makes this game even worse is that there's a stupid horse. HORSES SUCK, FOO!!! I hate horses even more than I hate those goddamn cops that whistle at you when you're trying to see Princess Uglyface.

This game is so bad, it makes genius pieces of art like Color a Dinosaur and Shaq Fu embarassed to be video games.
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#43

Post by A Genius » Thu Jul 03, 2003 8:55 pm

Super Mario World

One day, I decided to get what about half the people I know call, "TEH BEST MAROI GMAE OF ALL TIEM." The other half thought it was SMB3 (which must suck too).

As we all know, the most important aspect in any video game is the story. Which is why crap like the Super Smash Bros. games and the orginal Legend of Zelda suck so much. That is also why the Final Fantasy series owns all of your asses. I mean, you can have terrible gameplay, terrible graphics, terrible controls, and a terrible soundtrack, as long as the story is awesome. Lots of violence also helps. Seeing gore every few second makes a game worthwhile every time, so by no surprise, SMW doesn't have this.

The story is just, "S43V 73H PR1NCSS3 SUXX0RS11111" I mean, COME ON! I should've turned the game off and threw my SNES (aka, the worst system of all time) in the garbage dispencer right then, but I ran out of garbage bags, so decided to play on. After all, maybe the story gets better. Right? RIGHT?

No, it doesn't. It's alway, "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" That's it. That's all. This is why awesome games like Final Fantasy X-2 are going to own your asses!

And the graphics are not X-Box quality at all. It just doesn't stand the test of time. No 3-D, no game. This is why the GBA sucks, people! Too much 2-D! I mean, geez!

Don't get this game. EVER. Also, don't get a SNES, Sega Genesis, Atari number whatever, Master System (noty that anyone ever buys it anyway), or any of the Game Boy crap. And stay away from the 2-D titles on the PS2 and Sega Saturn.

-62735634597689523/10

-A Genius (I'm going to make up a word and shout it at people when I'm angry. How about, "Hazaxa!" That's good. It has a "x" and a "z".)
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#44

Post by Lagomorph Setzer » Sat Jul 05, 2003 4:07 am

Harvest Moon: Back to Nature

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Okay, so I've never played this game. But this guy on the internet said it was TEH SUK, so I'm going to give it a bad review based on what Natsume's web site says. Okay, so the game is about rebuilding your grandfather's farm. WHO THE HACK WOULD WANT TO PICK WEEDS IN SOME OLD HACK'S DECAYING CROPS??? And, brace yourselves...THERE AREN'T ANY GUNS IN THE GAME! Who do they think is going to buy this, a quadruple amputee retard? Ugh, this game sickens me so much I can't bear to write anything else.
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#45

Post by Parrakarry » Sat Jul 05, 2003 2:03 pm

Super Mario RPG.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

UGH!!! This game is UTTER CRAP. "Whoo let's try to put 3D graphics on a 2D system and see what happens!" What happens looks like a mix between dog **** and cat barf. I would almost rather play WIND WAKER than this game (But not quite, because Wind Waker is the WORST EVA!!! [see earlier review]). In any case, this game's SOUND is worse than 20 nails on 60 chalkboards, it's GRAPHICS are barf-inducing, its GAMEPLAY feels like a mix between driving an 18-wheeler with three fingers and piloting a plane with two... all in all, this game SUCKS and is to be AVOIDED. Buy Halo instead. That's a Image game, bro!
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#46

Post by Blue Zero5 » Sat Jul 05, 2003 5:42 pm

Actually this topic shows what alot of the people in the world really think. They just have to have their 3d graphics and violence. It makes me sad when i go to school and talk to people like that. I'm glad there are people like me around here that appreciate the old stuff and what not. oh and sry to disturb you all by getting off topic i just had to get that out of my mind. "goes and plays SNES"
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#47

Post by Codiekitty » Mon Jul 07, 2003 1:04 pm

People who think no old school games had any violence or cursing or blood or Nazis whatsoever have never seen the Bionic Commando ending.

Once in my Comm. Skills class, the teacher asked "So, what did you all do over winter break?". One girl said "I finally beat Kingdom Hearts!" and the guy next to me yells "THAT GAME SUCKS BECAUSE THE GRAPHICS ARE KIDDY!"

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#48

Post by Introbulus » Tue Jul 08, 2003 12:40 am

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Super Mario Advance

Sorry, but this game sucks! Really, I mean, why would we want to play a DUPLICATE of the WORST Mario game EVER that isn't even a Mario GAME?!?!?@ It was MADE IN JAPAN people! All the "good ol' USA" did was SLAM Mario onto the cover to make CASH OVERNIGHT!!!! How are we supposed to buy THAT?!! Bowser wasn't even IN the game!!! And what the heck is that Mario Bros.? It's the LAMEST excuse for a minigame since EVER!!! Why even LOOK at the box? It's just a bunch of STOLEN property that the "Big N", was stupid enough to STEAL FROM ITSELF!!!! In conclusion, if you want a good, original game that provides HOURS of entertainment, buy a Tomb Raider Game, idiot! Now, if you want a childish, rehashed, old-skool excuse for a game, then by all means, WASTE your money on this utterly pointless game. You'll get skin cancer and die of radiation. Yeah, I rock! Mario = not good! Tomb Raider is godess! Wooo!!!!
Now why would you look down here, anyway?

*Wishes he could change his name to \"Bowser: Terrorizing you ever since you didn\'t vote for him in 2004\"
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#49

Post by Bomby » Wed Jul 09, 2003 5:19 pm

Color a Dinosaur (NES)
:D :D :D :D :D

Wow. That's all I can say about this beautiful piece of artwork.

The idea is so innovative. A virtual coloring book. You have soo many colors to choose from! You get to fill in the white areas with those colors. The black lines look like Dinosaurs.

This game is woonderful, a true innovation. Screw Mario Paint.
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#50

Post by Wahsapa » Sat Jul 12, 2003 4:16 am

^ :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

MARIO PAINT OWNS!!!!!!!
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#51

Post by Bomby » Sat Jul 12, 2003 6:58 pm

I was joking. I love Mario Paint, and I hate Color a dinosaur. That's why it's in "the worst reviews."
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#52

Post by I caught a zubat » Sun Jul 13, 2003 1:16 am

Final Fantasy X

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

This game is the **** of the ps2.I mean,come On,the controls are bad.The story is ********.The characters are stupid.And it is overrated.Like I said with Evolution,stay away,far away.
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#53

Post by Poochy » Mon Jul 14, 2003 5:08 pm

Wow. This thread looks like a collection of stuff from IGN. :D
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#54

Post by Shyg » Tue Jul 15, 2003 4:44 am

Sorry I didn't understand. Here's one

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Kirby Super Star

What is this? It's crap! You play a stupid pink puff ball, who have cheap moves, who gets hurt easily! He doesn't have a gun! NO GUN!!! NO BLOOD!!! NO VIOLENCE!!! STUPID GRAPHICS!!! THE MUSIC MAKES MY EARZ BLEED!!! Screw Kirby, buy Halo, it 0 \/\/ I\I Z!!!!!!111111oneoneoneone

You know, I'm not too good at this. If you couldn't read that word after the last it, then why are you here?

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#55

Post by Wahsapa » Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:29 am

I know you were joking Malik. It's all good. Let's see if my brain can create a review...

Game: Pong
Rating: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: (OH YEAH IT'S THAT BAD)
REASON: WTDF IS THIS!?1 OMG I WAS PLAYING AND TERE WAS THIS OTHER PADDLE, FIRST OFF...WHAY ARE THERE 2 ADDLEDS??/1 I OLNY MA PLAYING SINGEL OPALYER I DIDNT WANT THIS!!1 IST LIKE MAROI REBROB ORB SOMTHNG I HATE THIS!11 I WANT THIS GAME TO BE SHOT!1

NEXT, THE GRAPJICS!!! WHAT THE HELl11 THEOSE AREANET GARPHICS!!1 THOSE ARE PEICES OF SOMETHING AND PUT TOGHRTER ONT EHT SCREEN!114 I WAS LIEK "OMG, THIS TGAME NEEDS TO BE SHTO C UZ XOBX HAS BETTER SGHREAPIS AND THEUS ITS IS MUHC BETTER!11 GET TEH XBOX TO PUT UR MUISC ON AND HAVE CFUN WITH EATING PIZZA AND GTE SOMWE FRIENDS TO PL;AY WITH YOU CUZ ITS' THE BESTY PATYR SYSTEM1"

SO IN CONLCUSONI, YOU ARE BETTE ROFF JUTS BUYIGN A GUN TO SHOOTS YOURSELF SO YOUU DONT HAVE TO PLYA.
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#56

Post by I caught a zubat » Tue Jul 22, 2003 7:51 am

My street (ps2)

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

What is this ****?A bunch of ****y minigames?And the games suck ***** too.Come on,give me a break,sure it has online play,but that isn't gonna save this pos from extintion,oh no!And this game dosen't even give you freedom.I mean,May and Brendan from Pokemon got to travel out of town,but in this game,you can't.In fact,I'd rather play Evolution Worlds than this pos.What?What am i saying,I willnot play any ****y games for the rest of my life.There,I sd it.
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#57

Post by The Cat » Tue Jul 22, 2003 6:35 pm

Metroid
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Oh why is this game loved so? It is an overhyped game that's utter crap.

STORY: 0

The Galactic Federation has hired Samus Aran, a deadly bounty hunter, to exterminate this evil jellyfish. Instead it looks like they hired an anorexic bum who liked painting himself orange. Oh did I mention that it's a woman? I should have...

GAMEPLAY: 0

You are stuck in a seeminglessly endless labrynth full of evil aliens that you must shoot with your ping-pong ball shooter. All of the enemies look like chunks of vomit as they crawl toward you at a slow pace. Since they move slow, you would think that it would be easy to kill them right? Nope. Unfortunately, Samus can't duck and shoot and you'll spend most of your time jumping over the vomit chuncks and wondering why you wasted your 30 cents on Ebay...

SOUND: 0

I've heard better sounds on Mentally Retarded Senior Idol. When Samus dies, her body explodes in a "DOO DOO DOO". It becomes especially annoying when a vomit chunk kills you while listening the same 5 seconds of crappy music loop infinitely.

REPLAYABILITY: 0

Playing this game again is like agreeing to stick your hand back onto a hot oven. Every time you get Game Over, the game offers you a password to write down. Since you'll be dying a lot thanks to your crappy ping pong ball shooter, you'll be wasting paper and destroying acres and acres of rainforests...

REALISM: 100

This game exactly recreates the pain you'll feel if you were trapped in an endless labyrynth armed with a ping pong ball shooter inhaling toxic orange paint fumes 24/7.

IN CONCLUSION...

Don't buy this game unless you like listening to "DOO DOO DOO" every 2 seconds and like writing down password after password. Unfortunately, the National Forest Association is on the way to your house. Escape to Afghanistan! At least you won't have to suffer Metroid...

[ July 22, 2003, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Yami Yoshi ]
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#58

Post by Wahsapa » Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:27 pm

Originally posted by Yami Yoshi:
...you must shoot with your ping-pong ball shooter...

...thanks to your crappy ping pong ball shooter...

...armed with a ping pong ball shooter inhaling toxic orange paint fumes 24/7....
pong...Pong...PONG!111 IS'T EVEEYRWGHERE!11 DANM POLNG TO HEL1!
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#59

Post by Codiekitty » Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:20 pm

Power Blade, NES

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

THIS IS THE WORST GAME EVER!!!1

THE PLOT IS ABOUT A GUY WITH A BOOMERANG! WTH?! A BOOMERANG?! WHO THE (curse) WOULD FIGHT SPACE ALIENS WITH A STUPID BOOMERANG!! WE NEED GUNS!! NOT BOOMERANGS!!!!!1111ONE

THE GRAPHICS SUCK. THEY LOOK LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF MEGA MAN, MEANING THIS GAME IS A MEGA MAN RIPOFF. AND THE STUPID COMMIE WITH THE BOOMERANG HAS THE WORST RUNNING ANIMATION EVER!!!!

THE SOUND SUCKS. IT'S ALL 8-BIT AND DIGITAL! WHERE'S THE REALISTIC BASS????

THE GAMEPLAY SUCKS. YOU JUST RUN AROUND AND HIT STUFF WITH YOUR BOOMERANG. I DIED JUST FIVE MINUTES AFTER PLAYING THIS, MEANING IT'S THE MOST IMPOSSIBLY DIFFICULT GAME EVER MADE! WHERE'S THE NAZIS? YOU DON'T EVEN RAPE ANYBODY IN THIS GAME!!!

THIS GAME MAKES BIONIC COMMANDO LOOK LIKE HALO. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!!!

(Notes: I actually liked this game. The graphics are fairly decent, although Nova's running animation is pretty retarded. Not quite as bad as he guy in Rygar, or Jason's in Blaster Master 2, but it's still pretty bad. This music kicks butt, especially the first stage. The Normal mode is pretty easy. I beat the half the stages and the final boss on my first try. Although I haven't tried Expert mode yet, the manual sounds like it's going to be a pain)

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#60

Post by supperdish » Fri Aug 01, 2003 9:56 am

Super Smash Bros.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

What. The. Heck.
Kidtendo is sucking harder and harder these days. The Hen-64 was ending, so they decided to give us a game where you beat up small fluffy things! CRAPPY!!

Graphics: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? These graphics are so crappy! I can't tell what is what! If you want REAL graphics, go get an X-box! Yeah!!!!
But, when I can see inside Damnis's suit, she's a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbeee!!! :cool:

Gameplay: The people move slower thean mollasses. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I don't know. I've only seen movies of them moving because I always vomit because I'm playing this game!

Story: What story? Oh. A little pansy starts playing with dolls, and they come to life! Geez!! I smell a Disney ripoff, and they SUCK.

Characters: I have all the characters. I am so awesome. Wait, NO THEY'RE NOT! Image My bad!

Mario is a fat Italian plumber that makes gay little Italian noises.
Luigi: See Mario.

Link: This guy has a wussy little plastic sword! How do I know it's plastic? People arn't dead WHEN THE SWORD HITS THEIR BODY PARTS. AND HE WEARS A DRESS AND TIGHTS! WHAT A DUMBASS!

PIkachu: Haven't played as him, never will.

Jigglypuff: See yellow rat.

Captain Falcon: HE'S A LESBIAN! HE SHOUTS OUT NAMES OF HIS ATTACKS AND GETS INTO PLAYBOY-LIKE POSES! HE'S SICK!

Dorky Kong: Stupid monkey. He just uses some punches. And, he has a tie! What's that stand for, Donkey Kock?

Ness: I AM NOT PLAYING WITH A 3-YEAR OLD WITH STUPID EYES, AND A BASEBALL BAT.

Yoshi: Stupid little dinosaur that's licks up people, becomes pregnant for half a second, then a huge egg come right out his ass!

Samus: Now this one is okay. She fires guns and beams and has a rocket launcher, and one sweet body!! ;^)

Fox: A little muppet that fires some weak red gun. Stupid.

If there are any more characters, I forget. I ripped up this game cus' I am strong, and threw it away!

If you want a REAL fighting game, go get an X-box and buy Mortal Combat! Now THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT! Image
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