The worst reviews. (2)

[Mario0672]

OoT: ( No double posting, Plasma. >_> Plus, if no one hasn't restated this ENOUGH, we're supposed to make good games look like crap and vice versa. )

Viewtiful Joe:

AUGH! THIS GAME SUCKS BECAUSE IT HAS AN OLD MAN IN IT! GRR!! I HATE OLD PEOPLE!!!

[Gumby dammit]

Manhunt



NOT AGAIN. MORE VIOLENT GAMES. JACK THOMPSON IS RIGHT! VIDEO GAMES DO CAUSE VIOLENCE! THERE WAS A KID WHO PLAYED THIS GAME AND KILLED A GUY! GRRRRRR. ROCKSTAR DESERVES TO BE SUED! ALL YOU DO IN THIS GAME IS KILL PEOPLE WITH LOTSA GORE! THIS IS A BAD IMAGE FOR THE CHILDREN!

[Galefore]

Here we go. Bumping the greatest topic EVAR LOLLOLLOL... No, seriously, this topic rules.

Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess



OMGWTF, dis gaem iz know better than okareena of tim srsly y even mak a nu gaem? oot wil 4ever be teh bestes of teh bestes, an u no it, lol

(different review version, XBox360 fanboy version, with the same ammount of mad faces)

Ha! THIS is the best ninten-dumb can do to deal with HALO?! Ha! The 360 has better grafics, so trust me, ther is no way that this piece of crap kan EVER beat the massiv success that will be Halo Three! It''s about a gay elf who uses a toothpick for a wepon. he has some finishing moves taht are kind of like the stuff in the other zelda games where you stab people but seriously who cares it is a ripoff of Mortal Kombat, which is probably realy wimpy in the Wii-Wii version. teh xbox can use the finest of grafics, beat up on teh PS3, and even fly!

(CRAZED X-BOY VERSION!)

OMG THIS GAME SUCKS WHY IS HE FIGHTING WHY IS THERE A WOLF WHY IS THERE A WOMAN AND A SWORD AND AN ELF AND LOL WHY ARE THERE EVEN A IMP, WHO ARE ANNOYING? WHY! WHY! IT HURTS MY BRAIN! NINTEDO SUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKssssssssss!

[Calamity Panfan]

E.T.



This is quite possibly the greatest game ever. I'll start out to say that the graphics are excellent. Much better than the "realistic" bull**** you see on the new "consoles" or as I like to call them, non-innovative crap. E.T. has the most realistic graphics ever. It looks just like the movie, if not even BETTER. Now, here's the gameplay, you walk around and then you fall into holes. Can you say, "Innovation?" this is much better than all of the Gears of War **** and the Zelda **** and Halo ****. Everybody should buy this game right now.

Here's my REAL Worst review, the other was just a flip flop review.

Gunstar Heroes:

times infinity plus 1 lolololololololol

This gaem is zo bad it zucks becuz itz for teh genesiz nd teh genesis nd sega sukk monkees i men comp3fd 2 teh ps3 it sukks wors tan teh snes dis gaaem makes no sense id ratha plai hannah montana wit jason from friday teh 133th stabbin me in teh hart tan plai dis gaem. in other words, its teh worst gaem evvvaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (((((it also haz bad grapicz nd is gay))))))))))))))))))))))

[Sim Kid]

Tales of the Abyss



Honestly, Japan really can't do any decent RPG-making. Sure, they can do Final Fantasy, but that's just about it. Tales of the Abyss doesn't really have anything good about it. Its voice acting, like every other J-RPG, sucks. (Except for Final Fantasy XII) Mieu is such an annoying character it's not funny, and not to mention, he's a pokemon Ripoff.

The cahracters...oh, my, how unoriginal. One character's voiced by the dude who does Sasuke Uch-EMO on that horrible show Naruto. And he's got a lookalike who hates his guts...hey, what the heck? This game makes no sense whatsoever.

And look at who else got...an obligatory girlfriend...A necromancer who doesn't even USE Necromancy, a Swordsman whose afraid of women, a little girl who has "Cait Sith Ripoff" written all over her, and an annoying princess. Wow, can we possibly get any more cliche? Sure, they do develop the characters and their personalities do change over the game, unlike Final Fantasy XII's, but still, such unoriginal characters.

The battle system...oh where can I start? It's so complex and full of layers...You move around the battlefield and combo with all your party members.

And it's just button mashing.


Get Final Fantasy XII instead. It has much better graphics.

[LOOT]

Banjo Kazooie



AAARRGGHHH, FURRIES! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

With Banjo Tooie, repeat.

[spooky scary bearatons]

MARIO


it suports majik mushrooms and make u feel big and makes u feel like u have a big penis and it is violent coz u step on stuff and u then throw a turtle into lave its animal abuze in tellin peta on u jerks who ply marior

[Galefore]

^^^ That was extremely convincing.

Mario RPG



Okay, here's the deal. Squeenix ruined Mario by making it into a lame RPG. Why? Who the hell knows. They didn't even do it right. This game sucks.

See, you got Mario saving the princess, and then the castle of Bowser is stabbed by a gigantic sword. The f***? So, after you fight a couple of poorly sprited enemies, you meet some mother-****ing fluffball named Mallow, who cried a lot. His tears heal. He makes lightning. He makes no sense, and he believes he's a frog. That is stupid. This game sucks.

After that, you team up with a doll, and then Bowser, and Peach. Peach?! Why?! She's effing useless. And Bowser isn't supposed to be a good guy. They effed up the whole damn plot of the only Mario game ever, SMB3. This game sucks.

So, you fights some weapons and stuff. I hate it because I can't beat some of them. Like that Yaridovich thing. It makes no sense. This game sucks.

In short, this game sucks. Don't buy it. This game sucks.

[Sim Kid]

((instead of impersonating a stereotypical X-box fanboy...I will be impersonating X-Play!))

Final Fantasy III DS:




Final Fantasy is SUCH an overrated game series! You have to be a total fanboy to disagree with us.

Arnold: OH NO! YOU'RE BASHING A FINAL FANTASY GAME! QUICK! WE GOTTA GET TO DA CHOPPAH!

Now as a reminder, please use the spell check when you're sending us flaming emails, fanboys! This game doesn't have anything good. However, we did find something funny...

"It Smells like Chocobo!"

Yes. This game was made in the 1990's when the RPG genre was taking its first step.

"It smells like Chocobo!"


But obviously this game isn't any good now. Right now, it looks like you dumped this into a random RPG Generator.


"It smells like Chocobo!"


So in all, we give this game a four out of five. We didn't like it, but it's a corporate game, so we kind of have to give the game a high score. We only give bad scores and mean it to anime-based games.


"It smells like Chocobo!"

[Bomby]

Superman 64



Wow! This game about Bill's favorite superhero is amazing! The flying is very intuitive, and the play control is flawless. The graphics are amazingly on point, too. This is one of the best gaming experiences I've ever had.

[Greenmarioman]

^oh, wow.

marios time machine


this game is the best game ever! I love to learn! it is soo fun!

that was alternate. this is real.

GTA 4



THIS GAME HASNT EVEN COME OUT YET, AND IT ALREADY SUCKS! IT IS A STEAMING PILE OF ****! THOSE ARE THE WORST GRAPHICS EVER!

[Metal Man]

Super Paper Mario:

THSI GAEM CAEM OOT AFTAR I JOINED VEEGEEEEF. IT AM LESS COOEL THAN ME FER THAT REEZON. ALSO, IT N00B WHICH I BLOW UP IN MACRO PICKTURE.

I GIEV IT A 5 SUCKINESS RAETING OOT OF TWENTY CAUSE SPONGE BOB TOLD ME TO

ALL OF YOU GHO HOEM NOW

CAUES I TLDO YU SO

ESPECIALLY THE NINTENDO SPIES WOH ARE HERE ONLY TO DISAGRE WIT MEH

[I am nobody]

Rayman RR





DIS GME SI DUBM ADN STUFF. ME NO LIKE IT. TOILET PLUNGERS ARE TOTALLY PWND BUY TE AWSOMEZ O SUPE MONKE BALL!!! DIS GME TAKEZ ABOUT 5 HOURZ. ( * not part of reveiw* seriously it's the shortest game ever made. *review starts again*) DAT IZ LAK FIVE HOURZ LNGER DAN ME ATEZON SPANZ. ME IZ GOING TO LAK SUE THE PODUCER OR SOMTING. DAT WAY ME BE LAK HAPPY ADN STUFF.



Whoa. I can't belive I actualy just said monkey ball was awsome.

[Sim Kid]

Bioshock:

:Mad:

This game is supposed to be the thing that changes all FPS Games, but the only thing it really does is redo a game that's already been done. Bioshock is supposed to contain Ar Pee Gee elements inside there but there really aren't many at all. Any gamer who's played better FPSes (EG PC FPSes) or games for that matter have seen better stuff.

The game is obviously meant for the average Xbox hippy, who will fall into a narcoleptic coma if they dont' shoot something thanks to Halo. And for consoles, it's the **** to play before Halo 3 comes out and everybody forgets about this game while they go onto Xbox live and yell enough swear words to make even Jerry Springer feel offended by all of this.

And because of its targeted audience, it trips you with power-ups and first-aid kits and there are deus ex machina machines that heal youevery ten feet so death really becomes a mere inconvenience. In fact, the enemies are also very nice to you. when you're suspended in mid-air repairing a camera they're actually nice enough to wait until you come down to do anything, or maybe they can only attack you when your feet are on the ground, becuase they just stand there going "duuuuuuh" like the average console gamer.

[I am nobody]

^ You are forgetting something for impersoating x-play. Here I do it to.

Super Monkey Ball Adventure



This game is terrible. Bad physics, ugly chracters. Bad levels, bad graphics. Bad this bad that. Same thing a just said repeated 5 times. I think we should destroy all copies of this game. * Auidience at home* DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY*end of them* overall this game gets Five bunches of bananas out of 5.

[Wyborn]

Bioshock:

:Mad:

This game is supposed to be the thing that changes all FPS Games, but the only thing it really does is redo a game that's already been done. Bioshock is supposed to contain Ar Pee Gee elements inside there but there really aren't many at all. Any gamer who's played better FPSes (EG PC FPSes) or games for that matter have seen better stuff.

The game is obviously meant for the average Xbox hippy, who will fall into a narcoleptic coma if they dont' shoot something thanks to Halo. And for consoles, it's the **** to play before Halo 3 comes out and everybody forgets about this game while they go onto Xbox live and yell enough swear words to make even Jerry Springer feel offended by all of this.

And because of its targeted audience, it trips you with power-ups and first-aid kits and there are deus ex machina machines that heal youevery ten feet so death really becomes a mere inconvenience. In fact, the enemies are also very nice to you. when you're suspended in mid-air repairing a camera they're actually nice enough to wait until you come down to do anything, or maybe they can only attack you when your feet are on the ground, becuase they just stand there going "duuuuuuh" like the average console gamer.

Did you...did you just plagiarize Zero Punctuation?

Get the hell out.

[Calamity Panfan]

M.U.G.E.N.



WHAT THE **** IS THIS ****? I try to play this game, but it gives me absolute ****. Why the **** can you only play as three Kung Fu ******s? Where are all the cool characters? What the ****? You mean I have to download or create my own characters? What a load of ****. Give you three ****ers and then make you do all the hard work of making characters? *******s. This game is free, but it's not even worth it. Complete ass. I can't even download any already made characters because I put it in the character folder and it DOESNT EVEN WORK. *******s. Don't waste your money on this free game. Unless you are ****ing insane and like being bored with stupid characters, stupid stages, and them making you do all the hard work. Bastards.

[I am nobody]

Wii Sports

supe google plex infiti

Diz iz lke th wrst gme vr mde. It hs lke bd gphx nd gly chrcters. It iz t hrd t mve my ft bt s I cnt ply diz gme.It iz lke s mch mre fn too txt mssge ppl thn to ply diz game. nd nw I m lke out of mntes so I hve to lke lv nw.


I hope ppl can lak actully read it cause it iz lak great.


400.

[Sim Kid]

^^That's WHY it's one of the worst reviews, Wyborn...because it's ripping off a satirical review style.

[Calamity Panfan]

Hmm, Nobody is posting his post count after basically every 50 posts.

Reminds me of Blazing Sun.