The worst reviews. (2)

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#41

Post by Bomby » Thu Jul 03, 2003 6:36 pm

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I had once heard about a game called "Zelda" about 4.5 years back, everyone was atlking about it, so I figured I may as well give it a try.

Boy, do I regret it. First of all, your supposed "Hero of Time" looks like the king of fairies, even compared to his annoying fairy friend, which is just a ball of light with wings attatched. Not only that, but he's a seven year old boy! Hero of Time my ass, more like Hero of the Cookie Jar!

The play control is terrible. Link runs slower than my dead grandma, and it's near impossible to aim his stupid weapons.

What makes this game even worse is that there's a stupid horse. HORSES SUCK, FOO!!! I hate horses even more than I hate those goddamn cops that whistle at you when you're trying to see Princess Uglyface.

This game is so bad, it makes genius pieces of art like Color a Dinosaur and Shaq Fu embarassed to be video games.
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#42

Post by A Genius » Thu Jul 03, 2003 8:55 pm

Super Mario World

One day, I decided to get what about half the people I know call, "TEH BEST MAROI GMAE OF ALL TIEM." The other half thought it was SMB3 (which must suck too).

As we all know, the most important aspect in any video game is the story. Which is why crap like the Super Smash Bros. games and the orginal Legend of Zelda suck so much. That is also why the Final Fantasy series owns all of your asses. I mean, you can have terrible gameplay, terrible graphics, terrible controls, and a terrible soundtrack, as long as the story is awesome. Lots of violence also helps. Seeing gore every few second makes a game worthwhile every time, so by no surprise, SMW doesn't have this.

The story is just, "S43V 73H PR1NCSS3 SUXX0RS11111" I mean, COME ON! I should've turned the game off and threw my SNES (aka, the worst system of all time) in the garbage dispencer right then, but I ran out of garbage bags, so decided to play on. After all, maybe the story gets better. Right? RIGHT?

No, it doesn't. It's alway, "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" "S4V3 T3H PR1NC3SS111" That's it. That's all. This is why awesome games like Final Fantasy X-2 are going to own your asses!

And the graphics are not X-Box quality at all. It just doesn't stand the test of time. No 3-D, no game. This is why the GBA sucks, people! Too much 2-D! I mean, geez!

Don't get this game. EVER. Also, don't get a SNES, Sega Genesis, Atari number whatever, Master System (noty that anyone ever buys it anyway), or any of the Game Boy crap. And stay away from the 2-D titles on the PS2 and Sega Saturn.

-62735634597689523/10

-A Genius (I'm going to make up a word and shout it at people when I'm angry. How about, "Hazaxa!" That's good. It has a "x" and a "z".)
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#43

Post by imported_Parrakarry » Sat Jul 05, 2003 2:03 pm

Super Mario RPG.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

UGH!!! This game is UTTER CRAP. "Whoo let's try to put 3D graphics on a 2D system and see what happens!" What happens looks like a mix between dog **** and cat barf. I would almost rather play WIND WAKER than this game (But not quite, because Wind Waker is the WORST EVA!!! [see earlier review]). In any case, this game's SOUND is worse than 20 nails on 60 chalkboards, it's GRAPHICS are barf-inducing, its GAMEPLAY feels like a mix between driving an 18-wheeler with three fingers and piloting a plane with two... all in all, this game SUCKS and is to be AVOIDED. Buy Halo instead. That's a Image game, bro!
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#44

Post by Blue Zero5 » Sat Jul 05, 2003 5:42 pm

Actually this topic shows what alot of the people in the world really think. They just have to have their 3d graphics and violence. It makes me sad when i go to school and talk to people like that. I'm glad there are people like me around here that appreciate the old stuff and what not. oh and sry to disturb you all by getting off topic i just had to get that out of my mind. "goes and plays SNES"
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#45

Post by Bomby » Wed Jul 09, 2003 5:19 pm

Color a Dinosaur (NES)
:D :D :D :D :D

Wow. That's all I can say about this beautiful piece of artwork.

The idea is so innovative. A virtual coloring book. You have soo many colors to choose from! You get to fill in the white areas with those colors. The black lines look like Dinosaurs.

This game is woonderful, a true innovation. Screw Mario Paint.
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#46

Post by Wahsapa » Sat Jul 12, 2003 4:16 am

^ :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

MARIO PAINT OWNS!!!!!!!
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#47

Post by Bomby » Sat Jul 12, 2003 6:58 pm

I was joking. I love Mario Paint, and I hate Color a dinosaur. That's why it's in "the worst reviews."
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#48

Post by Wahsapa » Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:29 am

I know you were joking Malik. It's all good. Let's see if my brain can create a review...

Game: Pong
Rating: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: (OH YEAH IT'S THAT BAD)
REASON: WTDF IS THIS!?1 OMG I WAS PLAYING AND TERE WAS THIS OTHER PADDLE, FIRST OFF...WHAY ARE THERE 2 ADDLEDS??/1 I OLNY MA PLAYING SINGEL OPALYER I DIDNT WANT THIS!!1 IST LIKE MAROI REBROB ORB SOMTHNG I HATE THIS!11 I WANT THIS GAME TO BE SHOT!1

NEXT, THE GRAPJICS!!! WHAT THE HELl11 THEOSE AREANET GARPHICS!!1 THOSE ARE PEICES OF SOMETHING AND PUT TOGHRTER ONT EHT SCREEN!114 I WAS LIEK "OMG, THIS TGAME NEEDS TO BE SHTO C UZ XOBX HAS BETTER SGHREAPIS AND THEUS ITS IS MUHC BETTER!11 GET TEH XBOX TO PUT UR MUISC ON AND HAVE CFUN WITH EATING PIZZA AND GTE SOMWE FRIENDS TO PL;AY WITH YOU CUZ ITS' THE BESTY PATYR SYSTEM1"

SO IN CONLCUSONI, YOU ARE BETTE ROFF JUTS BUYIGN A GUN TO SHOOTS YOURSELF SO YOUU DONT HAVE TO PLYA.
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#49

Post by The Cat » Tue Jul 22, 2003 6:35 pm

Metroid
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Oh why is this game loved so? It is an overhyped game that's utter crap.

STORY: 0

The Galactic Federation has hired Samus Aran, a deadly bounty hunter, to exterminate this evil jellyfish. Instead it looks like they hired an anorexic bum who liked painting himself orange. Oh did I mention that it's a woman? I should have...

GAMEPLAY: 0

You are stuck in a seeminglessly endless labrynth full of evil aliens that you must shoot with your ping-pong ball shooter. All of the enemies look like chunks of vomit as they crawl toward you at a slow pace. Since they move slow, you would think that it would be easy to kill them right? Nope. Unfortunately, Samus can't duck and shoot and you'll spend most of your time jumping over the vomit chuncks and wondering why you wasted your 30 cents on Ebay...

SOUND: 0

I've heard better sounds on Mentally Retarded Senior Idol. When Samus dies, her body explodes in a "DOO DOO DOO". It becomes especially annoying when a vomit chunk kills you while listening the same 5 seconds of crappy music loop infinitely.

REPLAYABILITY: 0

Playing this game again is like agreeing to stick your hand back onto a hot oven. Every time you get Game Over, the game offers you a password to write down. Since you'll be dying a lot thanks to your crappy ping pong ball shooter, you'll be wasting paper and destroying acres and acres of rainforests...

REALISM: 100

This game exactly recreates the pain you'll feel if you were trapped in an endless labyrynth armed with a ping pong ball shooter inhaling toxic orange paint fumes 24/7.

IN CONCLUSION...

Don't buy this game unless you like listening to "DOO DOO DOO" every 2 seconds and like writing down password after password. Unfortunately, the National Forest Association is on the way to your house. Escape to Afghanistan! At least you won't have to suffer Metroid...

[ July 22, 2003, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Yami Yoshi ]
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#50

Post by Wahsapa » Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:27 pm

Originally posted by Yami Yoshi:
...you must shoot with your ping-pong ball shooter...

...thanks to your crappy ping pong ball shooter...

...armed with a ping pong ball shooter inhaling toxic orange paint fumes 24/7....
pong...Pong...PONG!111 IS'T EVEEYRWGHERE!11 DANM POLNG TO HEL1!
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