The REAL worst reviews

[Mr.Hammermap]

And he said it disapointed him bcause of one ending. OMG SUPER MARIO AIN'T N E FUNS NO MORES BECAUSE NO SECOND ENDING!!!!!!!!1111111111

[Gumby dammit]

^^ FF7 HIPPIE ALERT!!!!

FOREWORD

Having been SO happy with Metal Gear Solid I was queuing in the street for DAYS it seemed to get my hands on a copy of Metal Gear Solid 2 when it was released ... I think I probably caused a thirty-car pile-up getting back to my place to play it, as I was reading the box instead of watching the road whilst driving ...

Got back to mine, slapped it into my PS2 and played through it, only to find that ... well ... it's ... NOT ... what I was expecting ... read on.

OVERVIEW AND OBJECTIVE OF THE GAME

Lol ... not as easy to explain as you might think. Basically the game is in two sections - in the first section you play as Solid Snake - your buddy and pal from Metal Gear Solid, and in the SECOND section you play Raiden, a character who will strike you immediately as a pale neo-clone version of the Solid Snake, and VERY similar to as was the case in the original Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation, you are thrown hip-deep in trouble, trying to sort out a terrorist situation - this time on a Plant rather than a Nuclear Weapons Disposal Facility. If you have played Metal Gear Solid it will feel to start with like you're being led through the same game in a different location, with souped-up graphics and a lesser main hero. Bizarre.

GRAPHICS - 10/10

Absolutely STUNNING for the most part - the games designers really didn't put a foot wrong with this title graphically. They have taken a butter-knife to the original Metal Gear Solid's comparatively crude cutscenes and refined them so that they could easily be used in an animated movie or similar.

The characters - particularly the villains - are REALLY really well drawn and animate beautifully. The special effects when Fortune uses her powers or Vamp is flying around knifing people in the back are STUNNING, and send chills up your spine as you are watching them. The work done really is top notch, hence my ludicrously high mark.

SOUND - 8/10

Whilst the voice-acting is very good, and as with Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation, the breadth of sound effects is very impressive, where MGS has it over MGS: Sons of Liberty is the main character.

I could listen to Solid Snake's voice for HOURS. It's deep, masculine, unobtrusive ... but Raiden comes across to my ear as a whiner ... somebody that I'd SLAP if I had to spend too long with. It's not just WHAT he says ... it's the voice itself that winds me up as well ... no disrespect to the voice actor because the QUALITY of the acting is perfectly reasonable - it's just a voice that grates on my nerves, to such an extent that I actually found I had to get my brother to tell me what he was saying because I find his voice INFINITELY preferable to Raiden's !!!!!

AND THAT'S NOT GOOD LET'S FACE IT !!

CONTROLS - 9/10

As with the original Playstation Metal Gear Solid, this title offers very good levels of control over Raiden. Even though he just ISN'T Solid Snake, you are able to do some pretty cool things with him - if anything he's probably more agile THAN Solid Snake ... he can vault over railings and hang underneath for a given period of time, shimmying along if you like, or just waiting for guards to pass if not.

His combat moves are also very slick and impressive to pull off - some of them (like his running cartwheel kick if my memory serves me) actually leave you kinda breathless the first couple of times you pull them off. It's like watching a movie being played - it really is quite a beautiful sight.

PLOT - 5/10

Oh dear. Oh deeeeeeear oh dear oh dear.

The greatest selling point of Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation is also the BIGGEST let-down of Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty on the Playstation 2 in my humble opinion.

See, here's the thing.

If you thought the plot to the FIRST Metal Gear Solid title on the Playstation was convoluted, this is going to reduce your brain to jelly. Your objectives during the game change a number of times, as is only fitting for this type of game ... but ultimately the plot never really gets off the ground fully.

For me ? The plot in MGS on the Playstation was SO compelling ... SO well-designed ... SO engrossing that I really got into it. It was the first ever FAQ I wrote, and I never actually got around to submitting it because I felt too embarrassed in light of the VERY good array of FAQs for the title that gamefaqs.com and other sites have to offer already, but the point is still valid. I got REALLY into that game - I researched the characters online to see whether I could glean any more information about them - I even had MGS wallpaper on my PC, and chance the impression you might now have of me ? I'm not a sad individual people.

So when I heard of Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty's release I was GAGGING to get my hands on a copy thinking "I wonder how the plot of this one will go ... I'm so excited - I wonder whether they'll have cool new villains ... how's it going to twist and turn ... how's it going to end !?!?!"

Well ...

Cool villains ... check.
Twist and turns ... check.
Good plot ? Erm ... nope.

I won't spoil the plot by divulging WHAT happens or WHEN it happens, but I will just say that I personally was very disappointed with the game's plot.

GAMEPLAY - 7/10

It's OK to start with ... not stellar because, if you are like me, you won't like Raiden as he just ISN'T Solid Snake ... it's almost like Kojima and his team didn't appreciate just how much people revered Solid Snake during and after the first Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation - because Raiden DEFINITELY does not offer anything that Solid Snake didn't do 100 times better (except the ability to do cool ballet moves and complain louder than Snake ever could).

But later on in the game it kinda feels like you've been sucker-punched. The enjoyment is bled clean out of the game, and that is very disappointing indeed.

REPLAY VALUE - 2/10

I played the game once, and once was enough. Whilst I might ultimately at some future point put it on to bask in the beautiful glory of its TOP NOTCH graphics and the enjoyment of seeing Vamp slaying all those people when you first meet him ? I would DEFINITELY have to turn it off before the game's later stages, or I might conceivably eat the CD in disgust =(

VALUE FOR MONEY - 5/10

You should be able to get yourself a copy on the cheap these days, so you might think it's worth it, but DO NOT expect it to set your world alight like the original Metal Gear Solid. Not if you're anything like me at any rate ...

OVERALL - 4/10 (This is NOT an average)

A title that boasted such potential, such BEAUTIFUL potential, and has had so much effort placed into making sure it is graphically and sonically engrossing, but is let down by such a DIRE plot.

MAIN GOOD POINTS

* BEAUTIFUL graphics and some truly very impressive cut-scenes.
* The sounds are good, even though Raiden is a whiner who gets on my nerves.

MAIN BAD POINTS

* The plot.
* Raiden is, as I have said before, a whiner, and he will get on your nerves. PLUS he just ISN'T Solid Snake, and that is quite disappointing ...
* The dialogue between Raiden and his lover Rose borders on insanely inappropriate at times ... he'll be up this neck in bullets and bodies and she'll quote some obscure poem or something and really mess with your head ...

SO SHOULD YOU GET IT ?

Hokay ... let's be blunt. The majority of people out there seem to LOVE this game, so you might just think it's the bee's knees ... but I personally, having gotten so into Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation, and having had such GENUINE respect for the work that was put into making it one of the greatest titles of all time EVER, was HORRENDOUSLY disappointed by the time I walked away from this title ... so much so that I don't ever really want to play it again.

... so I would say that you should DEFINITELY rent it before you buy it ... if you can get a copy on the cheap it might be worth it, or write to me and you can have mine !! (Kidding - I'm a collector, not a donator).

From what I see, he only gave it a low score because of Raiden. Don't get me wrong, Raiden is one of my most annoying movie/VG characters (( Right up there with Jar Jar, Anakin, and Lady )), but I wouldn't give it a 4 out of 10 for that reason.

[Sim Kid]

Review of Final Fantasy Tactics

-I HATE THIS GAME! Really I do! I am very disgusted with Square. I fell asleep during the intro! I thought Final Fantasy II had a long intro. Sheesh! You have to be immortal to beat the game! No. Even immortals can't live through the game. They end up killing themselves! He starts off ranting about how much he hates the game. This isn't giving us any info on why he hates the game This is my opinion you know, and I HATE war games! Which brings us to the question to why did he play this game if he hates war games? Sure, he probably didn't know, but shouldn't he have found out by looking at the back where it says "Square's game of war"? If you ACTUALLY like war games maybe you'll enjoy this one. Even if it does take 5 minutes to move three squares (literally). By the way I won't judge the other reviewers here...but COME ON! Tens and nines? Are they nuts? Do they have no lives! Woops...sorry. Anyway I gave what this game deserved. A three! I would have gave it a one but Square made it Oh that's a reason for not giving it a one! and I like some songs from it. And the graphics are pretty good. Only about three sentences are actual reasons for why he gives the game a three

-This is the only Square game that does NOT have a good story. In my opinion the story is very boring and not interesting at all. The story is: There is a war involving a princess blah blah blah... Boring!He doesn't give enough information When is Final Fantasy VIII coming out!? That seems promising. And then ends with nonsense

-It's not a question of difficulty it is more of a question of being mind shattering dull. Don't expect me to make a Walkthrough/FAQ for this game but if you need help look at the existing Walkthroughs and FAQs at gamefaqs.com or if you are looking for codes and secrets (like finding Cloud strife) try gamesages.com!We figured you wouldn't write a FAQ/walkthrough of a game you didn't like, but was this part really necsesary?

-I am sure there is not much humor in this game.Since when has Humour been important in a game about war?

-There is not one thing fun about this game. That is my opinion. If you don't like war games you will agree with me. If you do...try before you buy!

-Final Fantasy Tactics is not designed well since the game is very, very slow indeed. But in Ogre Battle you couldn't fight on roofs! Plus they added Cloud Strife!

-The graphics are one of the only few good things about Final Fantasy Tactics. The graphics are pretty good.

-They are sounds! What do you want from me!?A legitimate review maybe?

-The music is pretty good. You can find some good songs here and there. Square always has good music.

Sounds - 6
Fun - 1
Humor - 1
Game Control - 2
Music - 7.5
Story - 2
Graphics - 8
Game Design - 3

Pros:
Absolutely nothing! .....Ok good graphics and music.
And Cloud Strife!
Cons:
Everything but the very few Pros.

Even if you like war games listen to this. Rent before you buy! Or at least play before you buy. Doesn't matter. Just don't rush out and buy thi He just ends the review by restating his poitn of that he hated the game

[Gumby dammit]

That review SCREAMS FF7 hippie.
Here's a review I found on EB Games. They gave Twin Snakes 2/5.

Alf Hazard: 3/13/2004
UHH...PS1 GAME,MGS2 ENGINE
uhh what the hell?! Why would i wanna play a game i beat 4 times 3 years ago again, and pay FULL price for it.
Oh yeah to dejavu guy: Resident Evil 1 remake is the ONLY reason to buy gamecube. Dont say its bad that they remade it cuz its amazing!
Ps: gamecube is trash. MGS2 has better graphics than Twin Snakes.

[ June 11, 2005, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: 10th Star ]

[Apiary Tazy]

^ Stupidest. person. EVER.
(Not you 10th Star, Alf Hazard)

My own opinion, if someone, ANYONE, say a system SUCKS EGGS! It Rubs me the wrong way. Gamecube, Ps2 , and Xbox are all even to me, my opinion, you have your own, I have mine, just don't declare on the Nintendo.com board that LAMECUBE SUCKS! BUY A XBOX!
EVERYBODY'S DOING IT! EVERYBODY'S DOING IT! EVERYBODY'S DOOOOOOOOOOING IT!
That puts you on Attack of the Show, making no one under the name of that person trusted

And now the review, which sickens me...

Introduction-Ratchet&Clank: UYA is the third installment in the Ratchet&Clank series. When I played the first game, I was hooked, so I definetly got Going Commando, which I think is the best in the series, albeit the story was a bit weird. So I obviously got Up Your Arsenal. I'm gonna say it here, I'm disapointed. Let's review...

Gameplay 9/10- This was one of the high points of this game. I found the way Ratchet moved simple and it was easy the physics behind it. However, the Clank segments seem fragmented and just not as fun as they were in R&C1. Though I thought the Banana Gun was ingenious, in the end, it was executed poorly.

Sound 4/10-Here's were I thought that the downfall of Ratchet&Clank: UYA started. The music simply sucks. Though the music in the places from R&C1 was ok, classic theme music in a Ratchet game just dosen't work as much as the Mario, or Zelda theme music is. The new music sucks, and I hope the composer will do better in the fourth game (which I am going to be sceptical about)

Visuals 7/10- You know the saying, "Oldies, but goodies!"? Well, the same dosen't hold for this game. Though I think it is ingenious how they got the voice acting just right, and how the lips of the characters sync perfectly with the dialouge, that's were the good stuff ends. These visuals are old, I know the PS2 can do better. I mean, look at Burnout3! Even at insane speeds, Burnout3 was still stylish and fast. I personally think that they should do to Ratchet what they did with Zelda, with the cell-shading treatment(though I have to say, Zelda Windwaker wasnt that great a game)

Story 3/10-WHAT THE HELL?! Geez, maybe this is becuase I'm used to Final Fantasy caliber stories, but the story simply is horrible! I mean, the most important characters from R&C:GC were non-existent! I mean, wouldn't Angela want to help Ratchet, since Veldin is her home planet too? And what about Clank's girlfriend? Obviously, they thought that these characters were to correct. By the way, I also want to point out the the Secret Agent Clank parts were just plain embaressing.

Secrets 6/10-Why, oh why?! I loved the Insomniac Museum in the second game, yet they butchered it to the horrible place that it is. And most of the skins are just plain weird, as were the cheats.. I'm not even inclined to get all the Skill Points this time. The only redeeming thing about the secrets, was the Old School Ratchet skin.

Multiplayer 10/10-The only perfectly executed part of the game was online multiplayer. The games are addictive, and I just love Siege! I also found a great idea, Deathmatch with only Morph-O-Ray! It's perfect, and it makes me laugh till my sides hurt to be a sheep, though I must admit, being a chicken would have been fun too.

Overall- Besides multiplayer online, the game sucks, a perfect waste a $50 bucks, which you could use to buy Sly:2, which rocks. The weapon selection is small, the single-player is fragmented, and the attempts at humor were actually pretty embarresing.

Rental Or Buy?- Rental, since the single player will be finished in 2 days. However, if you just want multiplayer, then but it, just think of the single player as a side game, like a mini game

1. Why are you giving Gameplay a 9 out of 10 IF IT SUCKS? (It doesn't to me, it does to him)

2. Rachet and Clank has good Graphics, so where do you get off with not being as good as Burnout 3? It's the Graphic's style, it's not supposed to look real...

and 3. I did not notice half the crud this guy's saying? Music's bad? Clank's gameplay poor? (I actually didn't like the Hacker portions...) And yes, I know Angela is missing, but Rachet didn't seem to miss her

I'm stopping here, you make your own decisions, but personally, he just has his own opinion

A wrong one, but it's still his...

[Gumby dammit]

Gamestop Review for Halo 2: 5/5

cool
Reviewed By: Anonymous Date: Saturday, July 02, 2005

awesome

That's it.
Also, don't go to Gamestop for reviews. 'Nuff said.

[crump]

Rayman 2

Rayman?? Ha!! This is a very poor excuse for a game. You are Rayman. Rescue your world from Razorbeard. Oh please!! Bad bad and bad! If you don't agree with me, at least read my reasons. Then I think that you will agree with me that this game has to be one of the worst(or maybe the worst)game on Nintendo64. Worse even than Yoshi!!

Graphics:6/10
Way too cartoony. They could have done a lot better than...this. Camera angles are annoying. The landscape is okay though. But the levels are very short. Overall, they could have done a lot better!!!!

Story: 1/10
Save Rayman's world from Razorbeard. Uh... Okay. Although I would like to know how Razorbeard got all those slaves. I would use that method!!!

Music: 2/10
What Music? You can't hear anything. It's almost as bad as Yoshi's story. In fact, it IS worse than Yoshi's Story. At least that had Music.

Difficulty: 100/10
This isn't a good rating. This game is IMPOSSIBLE! So many Lums, so long levels. Your weapon is.... your fist!! Please I thought Yoshi's story was better than this. At least I beat it. You'll be busy destroying this game so you can't play it.

Replay Value: 2/10
Why would you want to save the world AGAIN? Oh please!!! Going it through the first time is bad enough. Don't put yourself though it again. You don't deserve it!!!!!!

Sound: 1/10
No comment...

RENT OR BUY: Don't bother with either.

Overall: 1/10
THIS is a game? You're joking! Right? I know that people acually LIKE this game, but they must be on medication. Rayman lovers, sorry about this, but it's the truth. Take my word for it and don't repeat DON'T get this game. It's just like a torture chamber. Or even worse. If you waste your precious time on this game when you could play a real video game, you're kooky!!!!!!!

First he says the levels are too short, then he says they're too long. I'm confused...
EDIT: Here's one on Rayman Advance

Story Line: 1/10
The story line for this game is completely confusing and utterly weird. You start off in a jungle and end up in space. This game is no different from any of the other Rayman games, the levels are the same, the music is a little different, and beating the first level is too complicated to understand without a strategy guide. The story picks up right in the middle as if the game were a sequel to another game, and guess what.....IT'S NOT. This is the first version, NOT A SEQUEL, and yet the story line is confusing. Wasting 30-40 bucks on this is not advised. I wouldn't buy another game like this if I was paid to do so. Plain and simple, DON'T BUY THIS GAME.

Graphics: 1/10
The graphics of the game are somewhat ok, but they look like a three-year-old drawing with technical advancements. The graphics in Rayman Advance are horrible. I feel bad even giving them a one. The game is a side-scroller but it could be better. The way Rayman looks, if you look closely, he's very pixilated. You can see the squares of pixels around him as if it was a defensive aura of some sort. If you want a good game, purchase anything but this. It's junk, and that's that.

Sound: 1/10
If you thought the Story line and the graphics were bad turn back now. The sound is immensely terrible. I can barely, if I may, hear the sound with max volume on GBA system. The music is nothing more than sound effects and a 2 second repeat of music in some of the few cinema scenes. The best way to hear the sound on this game is to get headphone muffs (the huge headphone set that covers your ears completely). That's the way you can hear the sound on this game. Sometimes that won't help either because the sound is nothing more than repeated sound effects, that get annoying after playing the first five minutes of the game. If you want good sound effects, and music that is ground-breaking, steer clear of this garbage and get another game. This game is a waste of good money, especially when it's hard-earned money that you raised yourself.

Control: 1/10
The control of this game is so bad that you don't wish to know what I'm about to say. Well, I'll say it anyway.....the control of this game is very, very, very horrific. Sometimes when you try to jump by pushing the A Button, it won't receive it. You'll find yourself to be sitting there mashing your thumbs into the GameBoy Advance system, practically ruining the buttons so to speak. All this for ONE move. I haven't even told you about the punching combinations. The game's control is so bad that after the first ten minutes of playing Rayman Advance, you will feel that you have been pushing buttons and playing a game for excess of 100 hours. So that goes to show what good technology can do when it goes bad. I'm telling you, no matter what you do, DON'T BUY THIS GAME.

Characters: 1/10
Rayman has to be the worst character created in all of gaming history besides Duke Nukem. I mean there is nothing worse than an old-pixilated-bad-graphics-no-sound-pop-a-vein-in-your-forehead-side-scrolling-blister-on-your-hands-of-a-character. The character of Rayman is flat, there is no story about where he came from, how he originated or anything, he just pops out of nowhere. This is the most unexplained confusing character I know, and I play lots of games. That's insane! This Rayman guy comes out of the wild blue and I don't know whether he's good or evil. What kind of a character is so bad that the don't even have a known background. Some of the worst characters in gaming history have backgrounds, and this Rayman guy shows up with nothing. If you wish to buy a good game, don't look towards this one, it is something you'll regret buying. To show you how bad it is I'll explain: I spent $25 on this game played it for a week, WITH A STRATEGY GUIDE, not just any strategy guide, THE OFFICIAL NINTENDO POWER ADVANCE strategy guide and I couldn't even beat the first level. I put the game away and never played it again. This is the worst game I have seen for GameBoy Advance yet. DO NOT BUY this game. I urge you, for the sake of your good money.

Overall: 1/10
The game is extremely horrible, and it is a waste of good money. Buying this game is bad. But if you are one of those people who like this sort of electronic gaming, knock yourself out, spend 30-40 bucks on it. I'm not saying don't buy it, I'm just advising you on how bad the game is, and what I experienced in the game. This is really my opinion but, the game is terrible. With all said and done. I leave you with the choice of buying it, or not buying it. I strongly urge you not to for fear of being really disappointed.

[ October 25, 2005, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: Mat-hoo the Hoohoo ]

[superplyr10]

Don't ever read reviews made by stupid people:

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's the best Star Fox game EVER!!!!!! I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love it!!!

I guess he kinda likes it.