A day I try to forget...

Valigarmander · #1

This is something I've never told anyone before, and it's a memory I try to drown out all the time. Not even my parents know, and they never will.

*sigh* This is what happened...

Back when I was about 8 or 9 years old, I was pretty ****ing depressed. I was bullied at school, I had no friends, and I didn't really see the point in living. It was one day in April that I decided to take my own life. True, I was ****ing scared of what would happen when I died, but I was so down I just wanted the pain to end. So, I went into the garage late one night, took some rope, and tried to hang myself. However, I was just a little kid, and didn't quite understand the mechanics of such a feat. Instead of tying a noose, I tied a regular knot. So, I hung it from a solid surface on the ceiling, I stood on the pool table... I was so scared, I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either, tears were streaming from my eyes...

And I jumped.

But the noose didn't tighten and instead I fell onto the ground. I was stunned. After that I didn't want to go through with it. I thought that maybe it was a sign from God that I wasn't supposed to die.

And so, since that day so long ago, I've attempted suicide three times, considered it many more, and I pray to whoever's up there that it never happens again. Please don't judge me... I just felt like sharing this with someone...

t3hDarkness · #2

Let me tell you a story, actually, I won't it would not help, but feel free to let it all out.

Ace Mercury · #3

Well, the internet is a great starting point if you want to vent about this. With the air of anonymity, we couldn't judge you even if we really wanted to. Once you come to terms with it, maybe you'll want to seek professional help, because life is better than this.

Demonicus Prime · #4

I feel the exact same way, just not a sign from God. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, and I am very glad you couldn't tie a noose. I've tried like, what, 4 times, and only twice i've stopped myself. The other two times are my fault. My dumbass didn't realize how strong my spine was, and then my electric knife died.

Really, VGF, my friends, and Video games are pretty much the only thing keeping me here.

Bomby · #5

[QUOTE=Ace Mercury]Well, the internet is a great starting point if you want to vent about this. With the air of anonymity, we couldn't judge you even if we really wanted to. Once you come to terms with it, maybe you'll want to seek professional help, because life is better than this.[/QUOTE]
Couldn't have put it better myself.

#6

Suicide is something I never think about

It's bad, I'll never do it! EVER!

Lilac DownDeep · #7

That's really sad. :(

But yes, internet really does help with problems. That's why I go here. I don't know what would have happened without my friends, or D & T. I just don't know....

t3hDarkness · #8

I have an interesting perspective gained after I learned after both gravity and poison decided I was not worth the effort.

Why gain revenge in dying when you can gain revenge in living. All of those bastards made me miserable just because I lived differently. As long as I can continue to survive, I can do what irks them, I have succeeded.

Plus as an added benefit, if I outlive them all, I gain the satisfaction of knowing I can dance on their graves.

Mikhail Gorbachev · #9

Oh, wow. I didn't think I was the only person on VGF who never attempted suicide.

#10

I Never did it either

*Put up a sign that says....*

The Never commited Suicide VGFers!

Come in. Have a Cookie!

Galefore · #11

I thought about it once, but I have a lot to live for. Gotta publish me a book, I gots me a forum to mod, and I gots people who wouldn't approve. Plus, and don't judge me for this, I would never be able to do it because of religious convictions.

I had a pretty bad childhhod, and things ain't goin' so well right now, but think about all the kids who have it worse in impovershed countries, the mentally sick ones, and ones with naught but a crumb to eat every three weaks.

Those whose parents beat them to bruises every night, those who have an illness where they purposely hurt themselves. Those who cannot even think for themselves, move for themselves, those who cannot see, or hear, or move their fingers to have an internet life that we take for granted sometimes.

Before you go to try to abolish your own life, think about what you have, what there is, and the things that could be worse. Think about yourself, and try to tell yourself "I want to kill you, I want to free you from suffering". Can you? And if you can, could you tell anyone else? No. you can't. Suicide is murder, murder is despicable. But, Val, I feel you, and I understand completely. I'm just glad you're still among us. Same for you, Bart, and Yoshi.

ROBERT2011 · #12

I did that once, well yesterday, I did the rope right and was about to jump but was discovered.

Edit: 666 post, yay?

Seeking Attention · #13

[QUOTE=DAMN]I tried once when I was in 5th grade.
I went into the trunk of my dads car and took out a 9. mil pistol.
I was bullied and it seemed like no one wanted me alive. When I held that gun in my hand, I had no idea what I was gonna do with it. I went into my room and thought about what I was gonna do.

When everyone was gone, I pointed it to my head and pulled the trigger. But nothing happended cause there was no ammo in the gun. So I knew it was a sign from god that my life does have a purpose.[/QUOTE]
Why the hell did your dad have a pistol in his trunk?

Alex · #14

I've though about suicide before, but I then realized I haven't done anything important in my life. Plus, my religion states that suicide doesn't let you into heaven.

But, yeah. Basically what everyone else said.

YouTube · #15

How are you supposed to defend yourself if the gun's in the trunk?
An irrelevant detail, I know, but it's gonna bug me.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"