The REAL worst reviews

[Gumby dammit]

I was a huge fan of the original. If you've never played it, you're missing out, if I were you I'd pick a copy up NOW, if not sooner.

Now onto Silent Hill 2. I preordered this game THREE MONTHS in advance, I was that desperate to get a hold of ''the Ultimate Scare''.

It landed on my doormat and I loaded it up... and... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

I'm gonna sound like a fool here, but I disagree with every professional review going. And I'm gonna explain why... area by area!

GRAPHICS - Since when were these top-notch graphics? I think these magazine reviewers need GLASSES! I know a good optician for ya! Grainy, rigid, blurry... ugh! Definately not good. They serve their purpose and are FAR from terrible. But I think people are far too nice to the graphics. They suck. And the fog, although I know it's there for atmosphere, does mask some pop-up. And I've seen it so there. Hey, you don't expect them to use fog for effect do you? I do Quake and UT maps and mods, I know the score! (( Moron. You do know that you can turn the graininess off? ))

SOUND - It's OK. The same radio effects, some groans, shuffling... *yawn* tell me when theres something interesting about them. It's standard fare. Nothing special about them at all... and the chainsaw sounds pretty terrible. Certainly nothing special here. (( Same radio effect? Excuse me,but in the original Silent Hill,the radio sounded more like a ringing phone. In SH2,at least it sounds like a radio. And about the chainsaw,most chainsaws sound terrible in games. ))

LIGHT - The one thing I expected the game to excel at was the use of the torch. After playing Alone In The Dark, my expectations were high. But nope. Light has been used poorly. Almost TOO poorly. Try turning the torch off... sometimes it makes no difference! Noit much more than a cheap gimmick. Hey, if Alone in the Dark can use a torch and light in an inventive manner, surely other games can too! I'm not asking miracles, I'm asking for more uses to the torch than lighting rooms.

ENEMIES - OK, I have to be nice at some point, so I'll do it here. The enemies are inventive. They are a bit gruesome. And they made me pay attention. But after you see one or two of the same enemy, well, the novelty wears off. They are also far too easy to beat (even on Hard, they're still not hard enough!). The bosses are inventive, Pyramid Head being pretty cool, but still predictable and dull. (( Not hard enough? What are you using to kill them,the chainsaw? Try using the wooden plank against an enemy on hard. ))

ATMOSPHERE - *cough*None*cough*. The scariest game ever? Err, right, since when? What next? Tellytubbies? People should get a grip. I desperately played the game... almost pleading with the screen to scare me. I just wanted to jump ONCE! Not much to ask, is it? Well, it seems it is. I played the game with the lights off, in the dark... nope. No effect. The only reason I think people think it's scary is because they convinced themselves it IS scary, when actually it's pretty timid compared to CVx and AITD. Such a shame. Scary? To whom? A bunch of gibbons? Puh-lease. You insult my intelligence! (( You have intelligence? If you do,then you'd know most people don't play a game to see Atmosphere. They play games to have fun. ))

PLOT - I got lost about halfway through with the plot, and I never recovered it. If you're going to pose a question, please answer it and make sure it's sensible. It makes for a rounded experience. And to me, a good plot can always rescue the most laborious of games (AITD being a nice example!). But the ending made no sense whatsoever, events are left with no explanation and theres no clue to what Maria really is. I have a good mind to beat up the storywriters. How much are they being payed to write this trash? Jeez, I get paid zilch for my stories and they're infinately better. Note to Team Silent - MUST. DO. BETTER. (( You don't know who Maria is? Sheesh. I figures her out as soon as I met her. What ending did you get? The drive-away ending? I can describe it in one easy sentence: Harry and Laura drive away from Silent Hill. ))

ANIMATIONS - Wooden. The same old flaws from the original. Terrible running animation. Jerky movements when you don't want them. Motion captured? From what? Monkeys? What a total waste of money... as for the facial animations... don't get me started... oh alright, please do. Bad lip sync. Terrible detail (some detail INSIDE the mouth would have helped!). Jerky. Uninspiring. Terrible. Team Silent, be ashamed. Be very, VERY ashamed. (( Who wants detail in the mouth? Who wants to look at their character's freaking tongue?! Bad voice acting? It wasn't bad,but it still wasn't great. Somewhere in the middle. ))

WEAPONS - Not much to say on this. Standard fare. Nothing extra special. Chainsaw on second play - big whoop. Wood Plank, Handgun, Steel Pole, Shotgun, Rifle... zzzzz... oh, sorry, must have dozed off there for a second! (( Gee. Your review of Resident Evil 0 was a 10/10,yet it had more boring weapons than this. At least in SH2 you get some half-way decent melee weapons. ))

OK, I've been playing games since I was 4 years old (19 now, nearly 20). Maybe my ideals for a good game are a bit more than others, but the fact remains the hype hasn't justified the experience. I have a hollow bank account and a hollow feeling inside.

Not to say it's terrible. Hey, I played through and finished it twice, so it's not that bad. But it's not the rollercoaster ride you'd expect. True, to the more cerebrally challenged it can come across as pant-browningly scary, but most people SHOULD have the intelligence to see through the hype. This is nothing more than a bog-standard sequel to what was a truly brilliant original game. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm not going to bore you all day. But don't get your hopes up with Silent Hill 2. Brush aside the hype, the cutscenes and the confusion and you'll probably be left feeling a little short changed, a little empty and a little disappointed.

Konami. Team Silent. This will not do. I know you'll make a Silent Hill 3. But next time I won't be quite so eager to welcome you into my PS2. Please do better next time.

Konami.
YOU DIED!

Sheesh. Most of this review he was complaining it was boring,teh story made no sense,and the graphics are grainy.

[Caped Mario]

The funny thing is I was gonna make a topic about this review on the SMBHQ forum because it's so damn funny, it's from amazon.com for Luigi's Mansion.

I ANNOYED!
I want this game so badly because it's so much fun!!!! Even the guy at the video store said it was fun! The reason I want it so badly is because is because it is so much fun and that I don't have a Gamecube!!!! So Nyeah!!!! The other kids have it! I FEEL REJECTED!!!! First Off: My parents say n.o no!
Secondly: I don't have a Gamecube
Thirdly: My parents should say yes

The rest of the kids will get it and I wont! It's not fair And by the way I want Luigi's Mansion and a Gamecube! It's not fair!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

[superplyr10]

I recently went to Best Buy in my beat up Chevy on a whim that I would be getting the best action game on the market. I pull up to Best Buy, get out of the car with my keys still in the ignition and I go into the store with a lot of hope. I then approach one of the employees and asked him if they had had any copies of Splinter Cell left. When the mployee turned around half of his face was covered in acne. He snickered, ''Yes we have some left''. I said thank you and went to the gamecube isle. I picked up my copy of Splinter Cell and walked out to my car. To my surprise it wasn't there so I took the bus. When I finally got home I popped this bad boy into my purple gamecube and was happier than a pig in ****. I started to play the first mission and when I found out it was a training mission I was like BOOOOOOOO. When I completed the training exercise I played the second mission and was horrified. This game requires too much stealth. I only had like 20 freakin bullets and the enemies didn't respond when I was shooting them. It took 4 headshots to kill them. Then I failed about 30 times cuz of the freakin cameras. The only aspect of this game I enjoyed was the voice of sam Fisher. Michael Ironside did a great job, plus I really liked the movie Total Recall. Overall I would have to highly recommend that you avoid this game unless your a hardcore Tom Clancy fan, which I am not.

Sound: 10/10
What can I say, I loved the voice of Michael ironside, plus I loved the movie Total Recall. I especially like the part where Arnold Scwarzenegger took of his mask when he looked like a girl. The score for this game sets the mood as well as the graphics do. They were composed specifically for each level, so they match the tempo. By the time you have been playing a few hours you'll be shot through with adrenaline every time you hear that fast music that means you've been spotted. The sound effects are great too. Walk over glass and enemies come running, run up behind the and they turn and fire. Of course, this game needed it with the stealth component.

Gameplay 2/10
The graphics on this game come out as horrible when compared to X-box. They removed all of the shadows, and painted the walls to make it appear as if they were still there. This means that you don't need nightvision to see a guard fifty feet away in (what is supposed to be) pitch black conditions. The cutscenes were re rendered because the playstation version was ported over too us and the playstation can't handle the X-Box's level of detail. This game is exactly the same as PS2 with some exclusives, and that includes the graphics. While they are good for a modern game, Gamcube can handle most of the particle effects that X-Box can. We got ripped off because PS2 is too old and decrepit to do.

You just can't make this stuff up.

[Sim Kid]

Dude, he didn't even review the whole the game in that one.

[superplyr10]

Here's one for Doom 3:

Doom 3 is possibly one of the most long-awaited PC sequels of all time. After its announcement some time ago, id Software kept showing off how Doom 3 would once again use top-of-the-line sounds, graphics, etc. (Remember that Doom was top-of-the-line ten years ago!), and beyond that, it would also be one of the scariest PC games you will have ever played. Long story short, it failed on that particular claim, but I'll get to that later. After all the hype, Doom 3 has failed to create a game that can truly boast itself as a sequel to Doom 2. Why? Simply put, it doesn't have the same cheesy feel to it. You don't enter rooms that have forty pistol-toting zombies with a shotgun, ninety shells and a bad attitude anymore. Instead, you've got ten shells and you're fleeing from three Imps. But let's go into details, introductions don't do much justice for how this game failed.

Story: 4/10
Not like I'm really going to berate id Software for producing a straightforward shooter with an overdone plot. You, the great marine, are sent to the UAC base on Mars to investigate some "strange occurences" that have been happening to the scientists and workers. Lo and behold, all hell breaks loose (literally!) when demons start possessing and killing everyone else in sight. Your job ends up being to kick ass and chew bubble gum - no, wait, that was Duke Nukem, but the basic premise is still there. Your objectives are pretty much the same as any other Doom game (or, well, any id Software game): get to the end of the level. No big deal. 4/10 for being lame, but it doesn't actually matter at all.

Graphics: 8/10
They look great, of course. Blood splotches on the walls don't appear to be exactly the same shapes as the last six you pass by, dirt and brick appear to be dirt and brick; monsters look brilliant, guns look wonderful, that sort of thing. So why, you might be asking, did I give it an eight? Simple: IT'S TOO ****ING DARK. The game plays itself as survival-horror, or so it seems, but the problem is that it's more obnoxious than anything else. There's a line between "gloomy" and "too Goddamn dark," and this game crosses that line. You are equipped with a flashlight, but you can't use that and a weapon at the same time, meaning that once you're fighting, you have to guess where your enemies are half the time. On top of that, frequently, you might enter a room and the lights go out as you get ambushed. Ho hum, real predictable stuff, but it's still irritating. Not to mention that there are these inexplicable cutscenes filmed in this red-and-black environment that come out of nowhere. I just don't get it.

Gameplay: 3/10
Every single ****ing level that I have played has followed the same formula: pass through one cramped room, enter another cramped room, there's another cramped room, etc. This is NOT DOOM. Where are all the high-ceilinged, open rooms with dozens of monsters on one end and you on the other? Where's the inexplicable pits o' lava? Where are the Dead Simples and the Towers of Babel and the Tricks and Traps? They're gone, replaced with this new and horrendously over-done survival-horror-esque, ammo-starved areas with the same damn ambushes as two thousand other games of the same genre.

Occasionally, one might find a storage locker with a keycode that you have to enter in order to open it up and get the stuff. So why is it that every single time, there's somebody's PDA with the keycode written RIGHT ON IT? It tripped me up once, but after the tenth time it was an irritating habit. Even more irritating is the fact that you need to open these lockers or else you simply won't have enough ammo to finish the game. You're very frequently running on empty (more than once have I had to resort to fists), as you plunge down hallways looking for that next health pack or ammo case. And this is not just once, but obnoxiously frequent. Whenever you find a new gun you can be sure that you won't have much ammo to go with it (you can find a Chaingun with 90 rounds, which is enough for... oh... three seconds of fire. Wow.)

Simply put, for a Doom game, the spirit is lost completely. It's missing something. The charming quality of a Super Shotgun (which is gone now, sorry kids) and that Backpack Full Of Ammo! that you found earlier doesn't reappear, something that many old Doom fans were looking for. Never mind the fact that the whopping four-player multiplayer limit and no coop mode means that end is gone too.

Sound: 4/10
The intro screen music is awesome; after that there's no music. The weapons are hum-drum (although the pistol and shotgun sound awfully familiar...), the monsters sound sort of bleh, and other than that there isn't anything else memorable. You might get audio transmissions of people sending you desperate calls for help, which sound like people (congrats id), but other than that, there's... nothing memorable about sound. Nothing notable. Nothing worth mentioning, which to me is crap. If you can make a game look great it better sound just as good.

Replay Value: 2/10
I can't see any reason to play it again, in all honesty. You can unlock the elusive Nightmare difficulty (an id Software staple), but other than that the rewards of completion are slim, aside from the fact that it's finally over. I mean, if you liked games like Resident Evil for their replay value, then I guess you'd like this one too, but other than that, the environment is completely spoiled when you know what's going to happen (something that occurs after about the second level), and the action just isn't good enough to make up for that.

Overall: 4/10
It stinks, plain and simple! It's not a true sequel to the gem of FPS games, Doom II. It's very slow-paced, overboard on the scare factor, stingy on the action, and overall just plain boring. The high system requirements don't do it much help, of course, but that's not terribly important. No, the sad thing is, Doom 3 wanted to be what Far Cry is: the bringer of a new generation of beautiful-looking, action-packed FPS games, and failed on both of those hyphenated adverbs. Well, I think they're adverbs, but the point is, Doom 3 was about six months too late and far too boring. Get Far Cry instead, it's less taxing on your system and is plain more fun. Or, y'know, Doom II, which is a true Doom game.

There are already bad reviews for this game (Unless this game actually sucks, which I don't think it does).

[superplyr10]

We've seen a lot of bad reviews for good games, why not the other way around?

Before the review stars, let me make this clear...this game has been bashed by many reviwers. You may think by my score that this is a joke review. Its not. I really did enjoy this game a lot. Hence, my score.

Gameplay-10/10

The gameplay is very simaler to the Superman-Shadow of Apacilipse game for the Gamecube. The swimming in the game feels alot like the flying in SM:SOA, and the diffrent techniques you can do in the game are simaler too. Basicly, you swin underwater and kill baddies by using diffrent techniques you are given or get throughout the game. One cool power is the ability to call a dolphin, which makes a dolphin(duh)come and dispose of a baddie. Useing the diffrent techniques in the right time and against the right baddie is key to your sucsess in the game. This is one reason the game never gets old. You need to use strategy to kill most of your foes, and if you don't, it will make the game hard and not as fun. This gameplay rivals some of the great games i have ever played. Brilliant. Masterful. Spectacular. These all discribe the outstanding gameplay in this game. It never gets boring or fusterating killing them. Also, the submarine levals are very good, and adds to the games all ready great value. Heck, I think the sub levals are almost as good as the regualr levals!

Graphics-10/10

These graphics are the best on the box and the cube. The framerate never studers, so it feels like your playing a movie. I love the Comic book clips in th game. It makes it very diffrent from most games, and they look good and keep your interested throughout the game. The water is bright and makes the game easy to see, at least on my home TV. The baddies are done nicely, they look clean and move very fluid. The backrounds are top of the line. They look very nice and are usally diffrent then any other you have seen in the game before. The Xbox version looks better, but not by much. The only real diffrence is the backrounds look blocky-er on the Cube and thier is a little slowdown, but not much.

Replay-10/10

I have beaten the game 2 times now. The game is so deep and fun you will HAVE to play it more than once. And though it is shore, i think it ADDS to the replay value. It makes you wish you had more of this great game, and so you play it again. the games story is also SO deep, you have to play the game again to try to try to find secret story line holes in the game. Best replay value in a game since...well...no game has had as much replay value really!

Sound-11/10

Truely and utterly awsome. The musical score is the best ever im any game ever created. The music gets your blood pumping and your heart beating. The sound affects sound perfect for this kind of game. Sure, it may sound cartoon-ish and fake to some, but Aquaman was a darn comic book hero, so it SHOULD sound this way. It really feels like your in the comic book world when you combine the graphics and sound of this game.

Overall-10/10

Best game i have ever played. Period. The game is epic and powerful, and the 21 total levals, and the huge replay value, you will be playing the game for years and years to come. I own both versions of the game, and if you have both the xbox and gamecube, get the xbox one.

Brilliant. The best game ever made for any console ever.And its only 20 dollars! If you want a great game, and you want cheap, get this game. And get it now!!!

Yes, he likes Aquaman. He either crazy or stupid.

[Bomby]

^ Whoa! Someone else from Wisconsin...

[Sim Kid]

Dark Cloud was supposed to be the first real RPG for the Playstation 2. However, the game is ridden with boring gameplay, annoying enemies, and stupid ''ideas''.

Gameplay: The game plays incredibly easy which may be a plus for some inexperienced players but for me, I prefer a challenge. You simply go around, lock on to enemies, and pound the attack button. The gameplay is TEDIOUS. A dungeon has about 20 levels, each one is random generated. One of the stupidest parts of this game is that if you go to a floor of the dungeon, kill all the monsters, leave and then go back to that floor, it will be random generated again. THE DUNGEON CHANGES EVERY TIME YOU GO IN!!! I could understand if enemies came back, but I've never heard of a cave that could change it's own layout. The enemies of this game are incredibly easy to kill even in the beginning they take only 2-3 hits. But, if they hit you, they do massive damage. If you get hit 3-4 times you will most likely be dead. My next problem with the game is something called WHp (Weapon hit points). Every time you hit an enemy, you weapon will lose WHp (unless it has high endurance then it's like every other hit). If you hit a stone monster or something with hard skin (IE a dragon) it goes down more than one (I've seen my weapon lose up to 5 WHp). Now you may be thinking that it may be realistic that weapons break after a while but your weapons only start with about 30-40 WHp. You have to repair them every 3 minutes or so!!! The construction of towns part of the game is moderately enjoyable and if you plan to be a city planner this might be some help. You have to collect things called Atla to rebuild towns which ONLY the main character can collect so you have to keep switching back and forth on the characters which is annoying as well. And one final note on the gameplay. The puzzles in this game are completely stupid. The whole puzzle is you can't jump across a big gap, so change to another character, jump the gap, then change back.

Graphics: The graphics are one of the few things I cannot complain about. They are crisp and the textures are good. They are not very creative but they are at least par with PS2.

Sound: The sound is ok I suppose. It is probably tedious but you will be so busy screaming about how bored you are that you won't notice.

Story: The story is alright for the game I guess. It is nothing special. But it will at least keep you moderately interested.

Overall: This game is not even worth renting and much less worth owning. The disc is of better use as a frisbee.

He just rants about gameplay for most of the review.

[Gumby dammit]

^ Yeah,seriously. 3/4 of that review is ranting abou the gameplay,when he only puts 1 or 2 sentences into Sound,Graphics,and story.
That guy SERIOUSLY needs to learn how to review things.

[The Yoshimaster]

When I bought Star Wars: Rouge Squadron, I was hoping for a platformer/shooter like Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire was. And did I get what I was hoping for? Nope. All I got was an extremely crappy, sloppy game. I can't bash SW: RS enough. It's not worth $50. It's not worth $30. It's not even worth a nickel. I don't see how people can give this garbage a 9 or 10, it doesn't even deserve a 2. Well, I believe that's enough pointless rant for now, time for you to learn why this game is diarrhea in cartridge form.

Graphics: 9/10

Like always, we start with the graphics. The graphics are the only good thing about the game. They're quite smooth, clean, and colorful. Even though some insignificant sprites look flat as can be, what you should be focusing on is the quite fine 3-D vehicles and landscapes. I can't say anything more than good things about them.

Sound: 3/10

Oh God! The sound SUCKS! If you've heard the voice acting in Shenmue, that's actually great voice acting, compared to this game. The voices are unclear and fuzzy, so you'd better thank God for the captions at the bottom at the screen. Not only that, but the voice acting is extremely tedious. ''Luke, where's our cover?!!!''. If you listen to that for more than 10 times, blood will shoot out your ears. Sad part is, you'll hear that a lot, and just wanna rip out the cartridge out of your N64, and toss it right out the window. Not to mention the music. Mediocre quality Midis. Nothing special about them; they're pretty average.

Gameplay: 1/10

Okay. I've NEVER played a worse game. And yes, I have played ET on Atari 2600 and Back To The Future on NES. Those games deserve an 8 next to this crap. ''But Chris! You never said why you hated Rouge Squadron!'' Oh, I haven't, have I? Well here's why. You start the game, and you can only choose one vehicle for that stage, even though you have several other vehicles. Usually, your stuck with the X-wing. Next, when you start the game, your fellow team members go to God knows where and then suddenly need your cover (''Luke! Where's our cover!!??''). You hunt around the large area then suddenly, it's game over. Your stupid teammates can't take care of themselves, so you have to hold their pitiful hand. If you somehow manage to get there, all the TIE Fighters are small as crap, and you can hardly hit them, but they can hit you almost every time. Then you get pissed cause you have died several times, and a couple of TIE Fighters are kicking your ass, then you accidently run into something, and BAM!... Instant death. If for some odd, strange reason you would like a game like that, then by ALL means get this game! Otherwise, stay away. Stay as far away as possible.

Control

The controls in this game are... you guessed it! Crap! The steering is kind of like turning a doorknob all the way to the left, then trying to turn it as far as it will go. Really tight steering is just a no-no for me. Then there is the weapon firing. Hold Z to fire... Simple enough, right? Wrong. The enemies are tiny therefore making them hard to hit. Fun? I think not. That's all you need to know, hence the fact that I won't even talk about boosters and breaks.

Buy, Rent, or Forget?

Forget about even thinking about buying, or even renting this piece of trash. Buy only if you must have every Star Wars game. Other than that, don't even THINK about purchasing this ugly, overrated, so-called ''game''.

Well, I hope your review has convinced you NOT to buy this garbage. Thank you for reading!

Overall: 1/10

This is hilarious. The guy is too damn stupid to figure out how to play the game, so he gives it a 1/10.

[Sim Kid]

Just because you can't figure out how to play doesn't mean you have to trash the game and give it a low score. Geez-I couldn't girue out Junctioning at first but I won't give FF8 a >1/10 because of that.

[superplyr10]

For Fable

I have heard many good things about this game. Believe me, the tempatations are hard to resist. Take my word for it, everything good you heard is a lie, except for a select few things. The thing that got this game is the hype. To much hype was put into this game, and a lot of money has been wasted becauseut love being know of it. Now, I don't know everything fact and secret about this game, but I can tell you one thing from the point of an experienced gamer. Do not waste you rmoney on this pathetic thing they call and RPG.


Gameplay: 1/10
This is the main part of it. Very basic, very linear. Your village is raided by bandits (or so you think), and utterly destroyed. You are out on a mission to become a hero, and get your sweet revenge. There is no multi-tasking as opposed to doing multiple quests. Quests are basically missions. There are two different kinds. One is a gold mission, or a story mission. This is what you need to progress. I have dubbed these missions, "Progression Missions" for obvious reason. The other kind is bronze missions, or optional missions. These missions are the bulk of missions, and are, well optional. These missions need not be completed, but are usually completed because obtaining money is relativley hard. The additional renown, or famous-ness, is a good thing, too, because the more renown you have, the more know you are. And one can't help being known. I am going to break the general topics down for easier classification:

Fighting/Combat: 3/10
One question I wish to ask the maker of this game. What in the hell were you thinking. The combat system is very simple, so in fact it is unique. The "x" button is attack, and the "y" button is block. "B" is flourish, which is like a perry move to break the enemies' defenses. Simple technique: attack, attack, attack, attack. I have only blocked on very few occasions. Why block when you can bombard the enemy with sword slashes and arrows? And that leads to my next point: the weapons. These weapons are way to overpowered. You have the basic classes: Iron, steel, Obsidian, Master, and Legendary. One can go through the entire game using the very first weapon, the sitck, without even seeing a new weapon. And half of the weapons are incrediably powerful, so powerful that it is litterall pathetic. No plot spoilers, but the weapon you obtain at the end of the game (if you choose not to "destroy" it) is so powerful, it isn't even fun to use. The Legendary weapons, which are the most powerful in the game, are imbued with magical augmentations. These give the weapon special powers, such as sharpening (x2 damage), peircing (enemy armor less effective), and lighting on fire (special damages). But if you prefer the magic over the brute force, daze your enemies with the power of Will. This is Fable-inian for magic, and can be used to heal yourself, attack enemies, and alter your surroundings. The Will is strong, but it costs valuable Mana. Mana can be upgraded, but not very often.

Customization: 7/10
Probably the main hyped thing is the ability to be good or evil. This is caused by doing good or bad deeds, and a personal feature is added (good- halo and butterflies fly around when standing still). And you can customize other aspects of your character. One such being the hair style- which obviously changes your hair. One other thing could be tatoos- which alter your attractiveness, scariness, and aligntment. This leads to my next point of fact. Attractiveness is how good you look. If you wish to be a sexy knight, go right ahead, as long as this modifier is up in the positives. If you wish to make your foes' crap their pants and run crying, have your scariness modifier high up there. Of course, these two don't mix well. Having a high scariness makes people cower in fear. The custimization is really the only good part of this game, in my opinion.

End gameplay

Graphics/Sound: 3/10
This is not Fable's strong point. The sound and music is......interesting.... but nothing mastered. The graphics are very detailed, but not perfect. The backrounds are probably better to look at than the actual setting you are in, but unfourtunatley, you can't go there with out exploiting a glitch to get there.


Final Score: 2/10
OK, if you have already fell to the Fable side, get the game. This game hasn't, and won't ever live up to the hype it has caused. With all the features taken out, this game is a shell of what it could have been. All of you fanboys out there, sorry. Don't get this game at all, but if you must, rent it. One who buys this game, was ripped off.

Just. Bad.

[Sim Kid]

This isn't a game review, it's a lame parody of Screw These Comics.

http://www.geocities.com/sarioulti/screw.html


During that screw, they drop hints that they have both the intelligence and attitude of a boar.

Noid: they give the harshest scores on the best comics out there

Have you even READ the comics they've screwed? They give bad scores to the comics that DESERVE them! Ever read "Megaman Crossover comics"? That REALLY deserved the score it got.

Hario: what gave them the idea to make a site about screwing comics?

Ever read the "About" section?

Noid: i mean, a 1.1 on Bob and George fancomic?

It deserved it you ****tard. READ IT!!

The owners hate comics just because they consist of recolored characters

They don't screw comics JUST because the characters are pallette-swaps (Most are). Ever actually READ the bloody screws?

Noid: anyways, they made a comic themselves!

If the comic were still ALIVE, it would be hypocrisy. Also, did you know that they actually SCREWED it? OMX and Pyro OMX screwed Madness Redemption and it got a 4.0.

Hario: they use megaman edits too!

This quote won't really make much sense if you haven't seen Hario's sprite. Here it is:



What. A. Dumbarse. THAT IS A MEGAMAN EDIT TOO!! Aside from the "H" on the hat, it's EXACTLY the same as the Megaman-8-Mario sprite that Hario stole! Even Mr. Woffums bothered to customize his sprite more than Hario did! (if you don't know what I'm talking about, look at Megaman's sprite in Megaman 8.)

And next is their repetition, which means doing the same thing over and over

It is a review site dumbarse! Do you not know what a review site is?

Hario: I don't think anyones likes them now!

Didja check the forum? Alot of people like Screw These Comics. It also gained more popularity when it appeared on the affiliates list of Fireball20xl! There's even a spinoff reviewing games on fireball20xl. Work on your facts.

Hario: Lastly, they copyright their VBFLOSC. IT'S JUST A LIST OF EVERY COMIC! They can't sue people about it

Do you even KNOW how much time he put into finding enough comics to add to the VBFLOSC? And if someone steals it and takes credit, do you think Tyler would be very pleased? NO!

I seen noobs do better than this.

Not only is that an insult to Angelic's spriting skills, but I will point out that the New Evil Nes was edited beyond recognition, that the shading is awesome, and that the wings look better. The old Evil Nes (To the left) was a megaman pallette-swap with a mixed-up-bittage head though the wings were original. And I have seen noobs do better than YOUR sprites! I've seen noobs take TIME to edit sprites and add actual shading while your sprites look like their just one colour and Hario just slapped an "H" on a stolen sprite. And you think your comic's better Hario? It made me want to puke, and you were only LUCKY that 8 bits scored a 1.0. Have a nice day-Dumbarse.

[ October 31, 2004, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Thowachairatmi ]

[The Yoshimaster]

For Zelda: Wand of Gamelon (CD-i Zelda apparently)

Introduction
Okay, let me start this off by saying that you should not even be reading this review. Here is something better for you to read: a book, or perhaps even nothing at all. You should be able to tell by looking at the synopsis and score that this video game is terribly horrible. This game is just plain horrible. Actually, as a matter - of - fact, this video game is even worse than horrible. It is totally and completely disastrous. I would want more than anything right now, to end the review right here and now, but unfortunately I have to use at least four hundred words in a review. If you still insist on reading it, be my guest.
First of all, I would like to say I never had this video game, and I never had a CD-I. I played this game at a friend’s house, and I have no idea why he actually wanted to consider getting this horrible video game, let alone buy it. He must have been brainwashed or something similar to that.

Game Play 1/10
The Game Play in Zelda: the Wand of Gamelon is simply terrible. It is by far the simplest video game for CD-I. I really, really, really hated it very much, and I know that you will really, really, really hate it very much, too. This video game is much too easy. A newborn baby could easily defeat this game in no time at all.

Story Line 1/10
Oh my goodness gracious, this story line is far too familiar to stop and think about. Play as Zelda and save your father. And you have to save that jerk named Link. He is the biggest and worst jerk in the history of the entire world. Err ... universe. This story line is simply a repeat of all the Legend of Zelda video games. All the Zelda games have the same basic story line. You either have to play the game as Zelda and rescue Link, or you have to play the game as Link and rescue Zelda. Either way, you are going to be rescuing someone who has been captured and taken prisoner no matter which Legend of Zelda video game it is that you are playing.

Graphics and Animation 2/10
The graphics are for the most part, some of the worst my two, little, round eyes have ever seen in my life. Some of the little things are a little detailed, but some of the people look to me a lot like little ... little ... little ... stick people. The graphic artists really, really need to fit more practice time into their schedule. The animation is BORING, let me just leave it at that one, tiny little sentence that even a newborn baby could understand without having to strain its brain to use its maximum brain power. A newborn baby could understand that one little sentence without having to strain its brain to use its minimum brain power.

Controls 9/10
This is the only good thing on the whole entire game of Zelda: the Wand of Gamelon. These controls are very, very, very easy to use, and work very, very, very well for this video game.

Sound Effects and Music 1/10
The sound effects were not anywhere near close to being real sound effects. They were practically not even there at all. The music was extreme torture to my two little, tiny ears.

Villains 1/10
There are hardly any villains in this game at all. The villains they actually did put in here looked to my little eyes like they were little cabbages and carrots and bananas and cheddar.

Play Time 1/10
This game only takes about three days of playing this game ten minutes every day to finish. That is not very long at all now, is it? You will not talk to me at all, eh? Well then, I will answer that little question for you since you are so speechless. Nope, that is not very long at all. Ten minutes a day is not very long at all.

Replay Value 1/10
Once you play it once, you are done with this horrible video game. Return it to the store you got it from. Sell it to someone else. Throw it away and never, never, never, never, never ever play it again. Drop it off a very high cliff. Set it on fire and watch it burn to little ashes, give it away for free, bury it in the sand, or just run up to the very tip top of a very high cliff and watch it fall down to total and complete darkness.

Fun Factor 1/10
I am in a state of compete and total unconsciousness from the unbearably terribly horrible boredom of Zelda: the Wand of Gamelon. I cannot tell you how much fun this video game is right now. Or actually, how much fun this video game is not.

Cons and Pros

Cons
Badly drawn graphics and animation
Torturous sound effects and music
Pathetic villains

Pros
Nice controls
Does not last very long

Rent or Buy
I strongly suggest you do neither. It is horrible, and it is definitely not worth a single cent of your money. It felt to me like I was being deprived of my rights as a human being when I was playing it. If you still actually insist on playing it after everything that I have said, I suggest rental. If you do buy Zelda: the Wand of Gamelon, you can set it on fire and watch it burn, sell it to someone, give it away for free, throw it away, bury it in the sand, or just run up to the very tip top of a very high cliff and watch it fall down to total and complete darkness.

Final Score
This is as previously stated, over all the worst game for the CD-I. I do not even know why you even wanted read this review in the first place. It was just a waste of your extremely valuable time that you could have been using to read a different and better review.

Overall
Game play: 1/10
Story Line: 1/10
Graphics and Animation: 2/10
Controls: 9/10
Sound Effects and Music: 1/10
Villains: 1/10
Play Time: 1/10
Replay Value: 1/10
Fun Factor: 1/10

Final Score: 1/10

What... the... hell. First of all, this is another one of those reviews where the guy spends the whole time ranting about how bad the game is, and not uttering a word on why it's bad. Secondly, read what he says on "story line," and you'll know right away that he doesn't know Zelda from his left nut.

Oh my goodness gracious, this story line is far too familiar to stop and think about. Play as Zelda and save your father. And you have to save that jerk named Link. He is the biggest and worst jerk in the history of the entire world. Err ... universe. This story line is simply a repeat of all the Legend of Zelda video games. All the Zelda games have the same basic story line. You either have to play the game as Zelda and rescue Link, or you have to play the game as Link and rescue Zelda. Either way, you are going to be rescuing someone who has been captured and taken prisoner no matter which Legend of Zelda video game it is that you are playing.

Since when have you ever played as Zelda, let alone go and save Link? And it's not true that you have to save Zelda in all Zelda games. Most Zelda games don't even take place in Hyrule, and so rescuing Zelda isn't even an issue. As for the others, you only have to rescue Zelda later on or as part of a bigger quest, but it's never the main quest.

Therefore, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being most professional and 1 being internet scum, this guy receives a Gamefaqs reviewer rating of 3.

[Sim Kid]

^...You do know that in Wand of Gamelon, you play as Zelda, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelda:_The_Wand_of_Gamelon <--See?

[The Yoshimaster]

Originally posted by Thowachairatmi:
^...You do know that in Wand of Gamelon, you play as Zelda, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelda:_The_Wand_of_Gamelon <--See?

Yes, I know. Read the post carefully. He said the storyline was a rehash of other Zelda storylines, as in you play Zelda a lot in other Zelda games.

[superplyr10]

Here's Metroid Prime 2: Echoes:

I had a lot of faith in Retro Studios before playing this game. The original Metroid Prime game blew me away every time that I replayed it – it’s awesome. If you’ve played Prime, then the first thing you’ll notice when playing Prime 2 is that it looks exactly identical to its predecessor. I am surprised that this game was not out sooner, because it seems that all that Retro did was spend about five minutes thinking up a story, copy and paste a few times, remix a few of the old tunes from Prime 1, and ship it out.

Prime 2 has got awesome looking environments and the coolest new abilities that could have been thought up, but neither of those can save the game. Although you’ve got pretty places to walk around in, the things that you are asked to do in them are pitiful. Although your new powers are really neat, they are used for the most stupid and mundane things. Retro…how could you have managed to take such a good formula and come out with THIS?

The opening sequence is worth $50 to watch, with photorealistic graphics and cool visuals and sound effects and music. In fact, the same thing could be said about the innovative new menu feature, which I could just spend hours toying around with – you revolve several spheres around a fixed point until the sphere representing the option you want comes near to you – then you select it. This can be tiresome when looking through mountains of options, but it’s fun nonetheless.

However, I doubt that you look for opening sequences and menus when you buy games. The gameplay is where it’s at, right? So, let’s dive in.

As you probably know, you are a bounty hunter named Samus Aran in this game. Once again, Samus is silent and expresses near to no emotion. Not a very engaging character. Her mysteriousness, however, may be the reason she has so many fans – myself included. Besides the fact that Samus is a pretty boring character, playing the game is pretty boring, too.

You can scan nearly every object of interest in the game – that’s hundreds, maybe even close to a thousand things to scan. Right from the start of the game, you’ve got roomfuls of things to scan. Scanning objects is completely optional, except for scanning doors to open them or a few other things. You have a host of things to scan – animal life, technology, and history of the planet. If you have decided to scan every object in the game (To get 100%, the “Good Ending”, or just a feeling of accomplishment) be prepared to spend hours doing it.

If you, for some reason, forget to scan a boss monster or object that only appears in the game once, you never have a chance to scan it ever again, and your hopes for 100% are lost. You’ll have to completely restart the game from the very beginning if you want another chance at it. Needless to say, the feeling that comes from an experience like this can leave you feeling totally capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

After you start a new game, within a few minutes (or a few dozen minutes, if you are scanning everything you see) you are drawn into a bizarre war between the Luminoth and the Ing on planet Aether. The Luminoth are like the much-loved Chozo – they are a benevolent and peaceful race, drawn into a war they don’t want to fight. The Ing (Who the hell was came up with that name?) are dark evil creatures that occupy an alternate-reality version of Aether, unimaginatively called “Dark Aether”. The Ing pop into the light version of Aether whenever they feel like it to “possess” the beings of Aether, which leads to another disappointing factor in the game…

The average creature that you’ll find in the game is TOUGH. At just a fifth through the game, I was encountering enemies who were as strong as weak bosses – hitting me for so much damage it was just pointless and stupid, and being nearly impossible to even shoot. Once one of these creatures becomes possessed by an Ing, however…be prepared to lose nearly all of your health tanks and use up all of your missiles and ammunition to kill them. It’s so hard to beat an Ing-possessed creature – especially in the dark world – that it’s not funny.

Let me take a moment to touch on two of the features I just mentioned. First – ammunition. To say the least, it is HORRIBLE. Say you just braved a room full of enemies to get to a door that can only be opened by Light Energy – and you are out of light ammo. You trudge back to another room to blow something away with Dark Energy (Which produces Light Energy, and vice-versa) At random, you may receive 5 ammo or so for your Light Beam, after going in and out of the room several times, each time killing whatever hellish and too-strong beast awaits you.

Second – the Dark World. Okay, get this – THE AIR IS POISONOUS. It hurts just to WALK. It hurts just to STAND IN IT. I guess that it helps establish palpable tension while you're forging around in the dark world, but it’s not so fun when you die because of it. Because of THE AIR, that is. Once you obtain a certain suit, the effects of the…AIR…of Dark Aether are lessened…somewhat…Maybe another suit lessens it more. I don’t know. I didn’t play until I got another suit. It was too aggravating to DIE because of THE AIR I WAS WALKING THROUGH. Have I said that enough?

Of course, you find these little bubbles of light to stand in that protect you, but they can be nullified by an Ing and can fade away if you don’t shoot into them every so often. Stupid idea. Badly executed. That’s all that can be said about it.

Alright, we’ve had too much negativity. Let’s talk about something good. Even if Retro can’t always make a game with good gameplay, it looks like they really know how to make a game with good graphics. Light Aether is very organic, with a whole variety of environments ranging from deserts to marshes and everything in between. To get a good image of Dark Aether in your head, picture hell – then take away the fire and redness and replace it with a purple and black color palette. Dark Aether has the exact same layout as Light Aether, except for the lack of a door here or there, but, otherwise, the topography is nearly the same. Think “The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past” and you’ve got the idea.

Like Link did in “A Link to the Past”, in Prime 2, you travel back and forth between worlds using portals scattered around the map. Sometimes, your actions in one dimension will have specific effects in the other – I like how this was done.

There has always been a complete lack of a story in Metroid games, (Mother Brain blah blah Space Pirates blah blah Metroids blah blah, lather, rinse, repeat) and Prime 2 didn’t exactly go through any great lengths to deviate from that trend. Like its predecessors, most of the plot development comes through the discovery of textual logs and ancient lore. You find relics (floating thingies coming out of the wall) and corpses with data pads scattered abundantly throughout the world. They pretty much provide a backstory to the game, but the information is not exactly valuable. Most of them are actually pretty fun to read, but you won’t be jumping for joy whenever you find one.

Another thing that disappointed me was that even though you’ve got all of these different groups of people – the Galactic Federation Marines, the Space Pirates, the Luminoth, that badass “Dark Samus” chick – you actually barely ever interact with anybody in the whole game. I guess that this is to create the feeling of solitude in an alien world, or whatever, but I really think that it would have been awesome to have more interaction. It wouldn’t have ruined the experience.

If you played Metroid Prime, you’ve played Metroid Prime 2. End of story. Prime 1 felt like a video game – fire level, ice level, etc – but, it also felt like a real, life, living, breathing, planet. Prime 2 does much of the same, but the whole thing with the Dark World pretty much just ruins it. So…out of all of these features that I hate, what made me rate the game so low? Easy...

Retro's sadistic designers had an absolute field day dreaming up evil puzzles for you to get headaches from. Should you chose to ‘play’ this awful game, you will go through portals between worlds more times than you can count, scanning with every visor, bombing in every corner, and turning the whole freaking world upside down to find the next available path. Just because you’re traveling through some of the most beautiful environments ever rendered on any game on any system, it doesn’t mean that you are going to be banging your head against a wall when you don’t have a single freaking clue as to what to do next.

Oh – I tell a lie. You will have one ‘clue’. The only smart move that Retro made with this game was the hint system – if you are wandering around aimlessly without a clue as to what to do next, then a little message will pop up, giving you some obscure direction, and then highlight where you should have been on your way to by now on your map. If there are any purists out there reading this, you will be happy to know that you can turn the hint system off – if you don’t value your sanity, that is.

What was my last Metroid Prime 2 experience before forsaking the game? I defeated a boss, obtained a new skill, and tried to figure out where I should go next. I traveled across the entire world, using my newfound ability on everything that I could – will it move this door? No. Will it blow up that rock? No. Finally, I save my game. When I reload my game, what do I see? Ooh, looky, it’s a message from the hint system. What does it say?

It tells me where I am supposed to go.

I was supposed to go to a room on the COMPLETE OTHER FREAKING SIDE OF THE PLANET.

Which was EXACTLY WHERE I WAS RIGHT AFTER I BEAT THE BOSS.

All of the time I spent. Wasted. I made absolutely no progress. At all.

Any game in which this is a possibility is obviously flawed. Metroid Prime 1 used the same system as Prime 2, but in NO WAY was it as out of hand as in Prime 2. Prime 2 is a JOKE.

The trademark gimmick of the Metroid games is that the acquisition of one item will instantly open up dozen new areas for you to explore. Some of these areas lead you to even more discoveries – others lead you to a dead end on the other side of the planet. Why the hell would you want to go on a wild goose chase, basically playing Russian Roulette with your own time, on a hit-and-miss mission to explore every available path until you FINALLY find the right one?

All while dying because of THE AIR and because of REALLY REALLY CHEAP ENEMIES.

…Ahem. Well, it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t mention that something else than pain was ever-present – the music. Prime 2 has got the best soundtrack my ears have ever had the pleasure of listening to – it even surpasses that of a Final Fantasy game. The music does a great job of establishing whatever the mood is supposed to be at the moment, even though it can sometimes be a bit obtrusive. However, the opening theme, the menu theme, and some of the level music are things that should go down in history as the greatest achievements of mankind. I’m serious, here.

I haven’t tried Prime 2’s multiplayer feature all that much. I guess that it was just shoehorned into the game because all first-person games on the GameCube are expected to have some kind of multiplayer mode or whatever. It seems like an out of place idea. There could have been lots of cool, innovative modes with a Metroid-type theme, like a boost ball race, or a bounty hunting contest, or a gunship battle, but, instead, Prime 2 just has generic multiplayer modes with generic multiplayer features. Retro…what made you guys get so lazy?

I value my sanity, and so I do not like Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. This game will undoubtedly be popular among masochists, though. Bottom Line : the slow paced and meticulous exploration elements kill this game.

Seriously dude, if you die by "THE AIR" in the Dark Aether, you either a) have low health (which is possible, given this guy is bad at the game) or b) your just standing around, trying to see the sights. And there is a suit were you take no damage from "THE AIR"

[superplyr10]

A very scary review right here:

If you've looked around, you've noticed that not a lot of people like this game. I've only seen four reviews that give this game a 1/10. Honestly, this is a great game and I recommend this to any XBox owners who can get a copy. The only reason anyone bashes this game is probably because all the game reviewers on TV gave this game a 1/10 and everyone else wants to think the same way to seem cool. I am proud to admit that I'm a person who looks deep into a game instead of forming my opinions from that of other people. A game this awesome is just too good to just let pass by.

Graphics and Visuals
I know others hated the graphics in this game, but they were beautiful to me. The environments were well designed and gave you this awesome comic-book feel that made you feel like you were in Gotham City from Batman. It looked like the graphics were cel-shaded, but they weren't. The good folks at Idol FX created a similar method of graphic design called "Rim Shading" and I think it's ingenious. The places you went to really gave you that feel of Hong Kong at night.
10/10

Sound
The music was awesome. I've noticed that other reviewers complained about the music looping. Even though it did loop, but took a very long time to actually loop and rarely happened and fit in well with whatever level you were playing in. The sound effects all fit in well with the game with the neat gun shots to the doors opening.
10/10

Game Play
The game is a great third-person shooter (like Resident Evil is) and is a blast. In this game, you wield two powerful guns at the start of the game and go through the other levels collecting other guns and ammo. Other reviewers complain about the lock-on system being annoying because it doesn't shoot where they want it, but they weren't looking at the big picture. When you get into a room full of enemies, sometimes Drake will shoot in another direction and look foolish, but that's not all it is. You see, this is a actually an ingenious way of Drake telling you that there are still more enemies up ahead and, if it annoys you, he stops shortly and you will be able to fight off all the enemies. Speaking of fighting, Drake has been given powers such as stopping time, slowing down enemy speed, and other unique abilities that allow you to progress through the game.
10/10

Storyline
The story begins with Drake, who is part of a clan known as the 99 Dragons. The 99 Dragons live in Hong Kong and are living in their penthouse until some enemies of the 99 Dragons break in, slaughter everyone (including Drake) and take an important artifact. Soon, Drake is bought back to life by the Gods and is sent to defeat the enemies to recover the artifact and avenge his fallen brothers.
10/10

Buy or Rent?
You should definitely buy it. Trust me, if you're as open-minded as a real gamer, you'll grow to like it, maybe even love it.

If you're too lazy to read the whole review, here's a brief summary:
Graphics and Visuals 10/10
Sound 10/10
Game Play 10/10
Storyline 10/10
Total: 10/10

That's right people, he LIKED Drake of the 99 Dragons. Scary.

[The Yoshimaster]

Review for Resident Evil on GCN:

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 05/15/2002
Hello, my name is J.R. (well, not really) and I would like to introduce myself somewhat, as this my first review I have posted on this sight. The only thing you really need to know is that I am a very harsh and judgmental video game critic. People are to quick to give a game a high score just because it is fun. As I see it, no game is perfect, no matter how awesome it is. In that respect, don't expect to see me giving out scores anywhere close to a 10 (If I do though, you can bet that said game is the only game you will ever have to play. Ever. Do you get why I am so strict now?)
All right, enough of my dribble, let's get to it. By now, I've probably angered a lot of Resident Evil fans with the score, but I think that it is quite fair. The premise of the game is survival. You play one of a pair of S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Squad... if I'm not mistaken), either Jill Valentine or Chris Redfield. While searching the nearby forest in hopes of finding the culprits behind a string of gruesome, cannibalistic ( which means the victims were eaten alive) murders, contact with the initial team (Bravo team, in case you cared.) was lost. And that's where you come in. While playing as your character of choice, you'll explore a desolate mansion and all the surrounding areas in search for the truth.... and a way out. The story that follows it an interesting journey leading you through a nightmarish ordeal full of mutants and monsters and maybe a cruel victim or two. The rest of the plot will unfold at a reasonable pace, with many interesting twists and explanations (even if you have already played the Playstation version) that you'll have to experience on you own (if you survive that long...).
GRAPHICS:5
The graphics are exceptional, no denying it. Everything, from the dynamic and creepy backgrounds, to the (mostly) individually unique zombies, to the other horrible monsters that you come across. The backgrounds in particular. Everything is made to be very realistic and solemn. They work to make you wonder what dangers each room entails. The outdoors are made to be especially decedent. You'll hear about games like Silent Hill using fog to set the mood, but Resident Evil for the Gamecube is the only one that really pull this off. Its something you have to see to understand. The enemies as well come across being well detailed and, in the zombies' case, very unique. Which brings the realistic point across that no to people are alike, and neither (for the most part) are the zombies. Now for the jeers. You see, with the backgrounds being so dynamic and realistic, they often come across as being grainy and littered with many (however slight) blotches and imperfections. The same goes for the enemies. The zombies especially. The idea of making each zombie unique is a pretty ambitious task, even for the Gamecube. Which leaves all the zombies looking jaggy and some looking very much alike (some seem identical). The player characters (and the peoples they interact with), however, are very well done and have a much finer visad' with very few ''jaggies'' at all.
CONTROL:6
Yes, that's right. I gave the control a 6. And no, I am not grading the control on the sheepishly small directional pad. I'm grading the games control, not the controller (If I did, it is safe to say the score would have been less.). Now before you label me as being clinically insane, let me remind you that this is a survival horror game. If maneuvering your character was easy, then there wouldn't be as much a feeling of desperation and thought. In other words, the player needs to quickly assess the situation and plan one's actions accordingly. Whether to hold your ground and attack; or to say a prayer and run for the opening. It's this infamous default that makes the game. Although, Chris and Jill move a little bit more like robots then people sometimes. And needing to make a quick or urgent action (i.e. opening a door or picking up an item) can not always be done without making a slight, and often times fatal, mistake. Not to mention not being able to open doors while running, which is another big minus.
PLAY MECHANICS:4
Two words: mutant zombies. Or crimson heads, if you prefer. A major addition to the mix, these creatures further increase the discretion used in dealing with zombies. You see, If a zombie isn't cremated (burned up) or decapitated (blow its head off) it will, after a period of time, mutate. The result (Known as a crimson head, due to the creatures body tone and blood-lust.) is far worse then the casual zombie. With its uncomfortably high speed and decimating combat abilities (not to mention its horribly creepy growl <shiver&gt , these mutated zombies are really not something you want to deal with casually. This is good, however, in that a person cannot just simply kill any unwanted zombie they come across and be done with it. This element greatly increases the importance of avoiding enemies. Although this and a new enemy (I can't say its name, I can say it is a very important to the plot.) spice things up, this game offers the same find, shoot, and kill or be killed recipe of all the other Resident Evil games. The puzzles, as you likely have heard, have all been re-vamped or are completely new (One puzzle in particular stands out like the ''chess plugs'' puzzle of old. <cough>four masks<cough&gt . One, um... interesting fact about many of the puzzles is that many of them spell death for the survivalist without their wits about them. This can add both a level of frustration and even enjoyment (to the more cunning players out there). One thing that remains the same over all is the difference in difficulty between the two characters. Although the developers did make an effort (and apparently a very vague effort at that) to make their quests more evenly matched then in the Playstation original, Chris can expect a steeper degree of peril then lil' miss Jill. What, with her ability to pick locks and big papa Barry holding her hand (pulling here out of more ''fires'' than she deserves), as well as her getting exclusive use of certain artillery and having more item space (Why? The world may never know.) makes for a much easier ride then our he-man Chris. But not really that much easier that playing as Chris isn't fun, it just isn't fair. Plus, some more easily frightened or aggravated players may chose Jill over Chris because they can't handle the pressure (or the frustration).
MUSIC:4
The interesting the about the music is that there isn't very much of it at all. Although the eerie quiet suddenly and sharply broken by a sonata of dissonance can very much attribute to the ''fear factor'', I wouldn't give anyone much credit for coming up with the tunes played in this game. Even the more grandeur tracks played during boss battles and times of stirring plot twists are somewhat less then enthralling. The only thing is that the music does just what it needs to do to set the mood and shows up the composers who really didn't seem to go out of their way to make the music as complicated and unique as the graphics.
REPLAY:4
To be truthful, the game does seem to have plenty of replay value. What with all the extra modes and costumes and all. But after playing through both Chris' and Jill's adventures (both being fairly different from another), most replay value comes from trying to get certain, special, firearms. Only the truly hard-core or daring gamer would speculate playing the modes of difficulty that can be unlocked. I'm trying real hard not to outright expel any game secrets, but just imagine a mode a lot like playing Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. Only you can't shoot or attack in any way the creature chasing you (And for a very good reason....). Trust me, it can get worse. But hey, a little challenge never hurt anyone. There are still others who would say such ideas are ludicrous and such things really shouldn't be implemented into a game in the first place, and after playing the game through so many times to receive these ''bonuses'' the player may not feel like going down the same path again just because it is even more difficult than before. And even though there are multiple endings, the endings are so similar to each other they can all be described as being either good or bad.
SCORE AS A SURVIVAL HORROR GAME:5
As a game, it gets a 4. As a survival horror game, it scores a 5. Its many quirks and disfunctions make it an above average game. But its horrible story line, and very terrifying atmosphere (Scariest opening cinema, ever!) makes for a very enthralling and somewhat claustrophobic experience. Which is what Resident Evil fans really want. More casual gamers looking for something new might want to test these waters with a rental.

This one puzzles me. The guy claims to be "very harsh and judgemental," and although he does give very low scores, he hardly says anything bad about the game. In fact, most of what is said in the review is praise for the game.

[superplyr10]

Unless that guy's rating scale is 1-5, he's a moron. He says very little about the jeers of the games and gives them 3s because of "a few slight imperfections"