The worst reviews. (2)

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#221

Post by Sim Kid » Mon May 31, 2004 4:36 pm

^Wow. A guy at my school said the same thing, gay stuff and all.


Fire Emblem

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Aaaah Fire Emblem. Nintendo has done a great job of ripping off Shining Force for almost 10 years, and then they of course keep it a secret because they'd get sued by Sega until they released it on the GBA-Thinking that we'd never ever play Shining Force again. WRONGO!! The best GBA game is now Shining Force: Resurrection of the Dark Dragon, not Fire Emblem!

The graphics are okay, but in Shining Force, they are alot better. For one, the heroine just isn't sexy enough-She only exposes alot of her legs. We wanna see her BELLY!!! The enemies and classes are all pallete swaps-In Shining Force, that was good, but here, it's a drawback!!

The gameplay sucks. There is almost no moment where you can control Lyn outside the game, only in battle, and you have to decide where to move the character carefully, because you can't revive them if they die. So now we have strategizing going in, making the game less fun and more painful than it already is.

The battle animations are fagtastic. They're viewed from the side, and they're absolutley nothing like those of Shining Force. I would have settled for a DECENT Shining Force ripoff nintendo, not this fagtastic crap.

The music sucks. The final boss was waaay too hard and way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too cheap. For one, he can kill your party members in one hit, and the Durandal is a pathetic weakling!! Use the Chaos breaker Eliwood!!

Speaking of Eliwood, Nintendo portrays him as the hero, yet you start off playing as the-could-be-sexy Lyn through the boring-as-hell tutorial chapters. BARDS ARE NOT MUSIC PLAYERS GODAMMIT!! THEY ARE ARCHERS WHO KILL DRAGONS!!! Then after like 11 boring and incredibly painful chapters, you get to play as Eliwood, and then you start allover again. Why don't we get Eliwood in the boring-as-hell tutorials? WHY DON'T WE GET HECTOR EITHER?! WHY IS ELIWOOD SO GODAMN ****ING WEAK?! WHY DO YOU RIP OFF SHINING FORCE!!


Overall, if you're looking for a REAL game, play Shining Force: Ressurection of the Dark Dragon. Do not EVER play Fire Emblem-Nintendo didn't even create anything original, everything was stolen from Shining Force in this game extcept the boring-as-hell tutorials. It's obvious that creating RPGs is not your thing nintendo-Keep your dayjob, like you even have one!

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#222

Post by Gumby dammit » Mon May 31, 2004 11:14 pm

The Suffering

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

THIS GAME SUCKS!!! WHY? EVEN THOUGH THIS SO CALLED 'GAME' has blood and gore in it,the blood and gore look more realistic in Mario,and Mario,or Suckio,cause that game has no blood or gore in it.
Now you must think this game has good gameplay,right? Wrong! This is the WORST gameplay on earth,wait,what am I kidding? Gameplay is nothing in a game. It's graphics,man.
Now,weaponry. I've seen more deadly crap in my toilet. Wow. Blade made by inmates. Wow. Revolver. Wow. Two revolvers. Wow. Machine gun. Excuse me while I jump for joy. [/SARCASM]
Now,the most important part,graphics! These graphics are too dark... I can't see a thing. So,if I can't see a thing,how can I play? I can't. What I could see was prison wall.
Now,surely the voices are good,right? No. At least 3/4 of this game you hear the F word.
The characters look like crap. Torque,which is a GAY name,mind you,looks like he just came from a toilet after being crapped on. And secondly,he's MUTE!!! ALL GAMES EXCEPT HALO THAT HAVE A MUTE MAIN GUY SUCK!!!!
This game deserves to die,along with the people who made it. Midway,I'll crap on your graves when you die!

[ June 03, 2004, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Tenth Star ]

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#223

Post by Sim Kid » Tue Jun 01, 2004 3:25 am

Clive Barker's Undying


:mad: :mad:


This game sucks because I keep dying at the Manor because of all those stupid scarrows and Howlers, and you automatically die when you kill an innocent bystander. Gee, the howlers and Scarrows are only going to kill them, so why do we need to die?

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#224

Post by Blue Yoshi » Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:11 pm

Super Mario Brothers

THIS GAME SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY IT SUX BUT IT DOES!!!!!!!!

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#225

Post by TheMagicalKuja » Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:37 pm

Sonic Advance 3

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

TES GAHME R TEH SUXX0RZ! TEH WURST SAW-NIK GAME EVVARRRR! I'M TOO BUSY WHINING OVER SEGA NOT GIVING ME MY S3&K PORT! ITZ NOT UH CLASIK!AND THEY HAVE PARTNERZ LIKE SAW-NIK HEROES, WICH ALSO SUXX0RZ!

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#226

Post by Godot » Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:04 pm

MEGAMAN

:mad: (x199999909990273268732674)

GRRR HE SHOULD BE NAME MEGABOY OR MEGAWHIMP BCUZ I NEVAR PLAY TEH GAME N I LIKE TO WHINE!!!!1111 :mad: :mad: THE THING I LIKW ABOUT THE GAME IS THAT I NAVER PLAWYED IT N I HOPE IT STAYED TAHT WAY!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad:
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#227

Post by Gumby dammit » Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:21 pm

Chase HQ

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Wow is all that can be said here.
This game is SO real! You dodge Sunday drivers just like in real life! Wow!
Compare this game to any other game of it's kind. Which is better? Duh,Chase HQ.
Chrono Trigger,the so called 'Best Game Ever',is blown out of the water by this. You hit cacti and rocks and get your car trashed,JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!!!
The graphics are bad,but that doesn't matter. IT'S SO REAL HOW IF YOU HIT SUNDAY DRIVERS YOUR CAR GETS TRASHED!!!
BUY THIS GAME NOW!!! YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID!!!!

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#228

Post by I'm Hammermap » Fri Jun 04, 2004 7:55 am

Originally posted by Digitalpotato:
BARDS ARE NOT MUSIC PLAYERS GODAMMIT!! THEY ARE ARCHERS WHO KILL DRAGONS!!!
Hey, thats my joke, you joke stealer!
The Legend of Zelda:
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
THIS GAME SUCKS! WHY? BECAUSE ITS IN 2-D!!! OOT is a much better gam, because all of the characters are...You guessed it, 3-D!!! NO ONE WANTS A NEW GAME WITH SUCH HORRIBLE GRAOHICS ON THE GBA!!! IT IS BRAND NEW!!! THE ORIGINAL LoZ WAS OOT!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH NINTENDO?!?!?!?!?111111

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#229

Post by OcarinaMan » Fri Jun 04, 2004 6:25 pm

Majora's Mask:
Mann, thiis is ahorrble gaem becuz yu hav too start over al the tiem and loose yor money and arows and stuf.

^Based on a real review...

Yes, the spelling was that bad.
You can\'t spell \"women\" without woe.

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#230

Post by Blue Yoshi » Sat Jun 05, 2004 10:04 pm

Mega Man
100 :mad:

This game is bad! why? Cuz my kid said it was good! KIDZ R WRAWNG! PARRRRAMTZ R WITE! ALLLMATZ!

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#231

Post by Gumby dammit » Sun Jun 06, 2004 10:43 am

Viewtiful Joe

(( Note: A kid at my school said everything in this review. I'll bold the bad parts. ))

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

In 2003,Capcom created their first game ever,Viewtiful Joe. This is a half excuse for a game,as Joe wears a pink cape. This game also sucks because the graphics are kiddy. HELLO NINTENDO! THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY! Get with the times. We want realistic games. Not some shrimplet who looks more like a cartoon then a movie hero. Another gay part is that Joe's girlfriend is a nerd,and nerds are gay. I'm saying this 'cause I'm a jock. All and all,this game is bad 'cause it ain't on the X-Box.

[ June 07, 2004, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: Tenth Star ]

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#232

Post by OcarinaMan » Thu Jun 24, 2004 4:56 pm

LoZ GCN: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Dued, this game is lik t3h coolest becuz it has good graphics.
You can\'t spell \"women\" without woe.

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#233

Post by Codiekitty » Thu Jun 24, 2004 7:56 pm

The Adventures of Lomax, PSX
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Boy oh boy, if I ever saw a lousy game, this is it.

There's no full 3D introduction FMV, so there's no plot.

These graphics could effortlessly go onto a Super Nintendo, or even the NES. They're detailed and colorful and animated and all. But this game uses sprites instead of 3D polygons, so I'm giving the graphics a 0.

The music blows. As soon as I saw the ugly "made by" pictures at the game's startup, I was so disgusted with the sound I muted the TV. 0.

Control? What control? The stupid lemming never does what you tell him to. Instead of doing what you tell him when you press a button, he turns to you, gives you the finger and says "You, sire, are a bloody moron. Tell me to go left again and I'll come out of this video box and slap you silly." I'm not kidding. He actually does that. 0.

I could not get past the second level. In this level, you appearantly have to swim across the bodies of water. However, the stupid lemming can't swim, so the game's impossible to complete. Riding barrels? You don't ride barrels, you throw them! Like in Donkey Kong! Screw this game.

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[ June 24, 2004, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: CodieKitty ]

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#234

Post by Gumby dammit » Thu Jun 24, 2004 9:30 pm

Super Smash Bros Melee

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Worst. Game. Ever. Why? Well,for one it isn't Square-Enix,two it isn't an RPG,and three it isn't Final Fantasy.
The graphics suck. I'm grading this by Final Fantasy 7 standards,so these suck.
The characters suck 'cause none of them are Final Fantasy characters.
The sound sucks. The sound wasn't made by Square Enix music makers,so this sucks.
The gameplay sucks. In an RPG,you enter an attack and watch the computer preform it. What? SSBM isn't an RPG? Oh well,WHO FRICKIN' CARES?!? In this game,you just hit things,leaving you NO time to think.
Now,if this was Final Fantasy Bros Melee,I'd give it 8 smilies,'cause Square would of made it.
All in all,FF7 beats this game by a lot. FF7 is the Best. Game. Ever.

-FF7FreakForGood

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#235

Post by Sim Kid » Thu Jun 24, 2004 10:43 pm

Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Crap on a stick. I hate adventure games, and when I turned this on, I found out it was an adventure game so I turned it off and played Zelda instead.


(Note: You will not get the joke if you don't consider Zelda an Adventure)

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#236

Post by LOOT » Fri Jun 25, 2004 12:26 am

Sonic Adventure 2: Battle

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: and more, but stupid VGF won't allow more than 8 images >_>

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?! There is no gameplay! You only run around as stupid hedgehogs or look for gems as a rodent or bat. The only good part is shooting at everything as the crazy man or little fox. Also, what is with the Chao? I tried to kill it, but then someone came and threw me into a fire while the Chao was taken care of. All in all, this game sucks because it isn't on X-Box, and Bill Gates is a god!

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#237

Post by Gumby dammit » Fri Jun 25, 2004 9:12 pm

Hmmm... What to review?

Half-Life

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Holy sh** on a stick! A FPS not made by the godly Microsoft,and one I don't like!
You play as a scientist (( Boo! Give us BIG,MUSCLE-LIKE MEN WITH DEEP VOICES!!! NOT SOME SKINNY,MUTE,TOOTH PICK!!! WHY NOT SOME GIRL WITH BIG- )) named Gordon Freeman. More like Dorkon Freeman,'cause he sucks. He puts on a Hazord Envorment Suit (( HEV,or Hell Every Vere. What's with the vere? Vampire talk,and vampires are teh shnitz! )) and pushes a shopping car into a big ball of light,and monsters show up.
Now,the graphics suck. Everything is a crappily illistrated polygon.
THE WEAPONS ROCK!!! I'll take off 1 mad face,'cause this has a rocket launcher. WHAT?!?! THE MELEE WEAPON IS A CROWBAR??!! SCREW THAT!!! WHY NOT PLASMA SWORDS!!!! +1 MAD FACE!!!
THIS GAME SUX!!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!!!

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#238

Post by Sim Kid » Sat Jun 26, 2004 5:55 pm

I remembered what an idiot at school said, bold parts are the extra dumb things. (Yes there are alot of them)

Fire Emblem:

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

In 2002, Nintendo released their first Fire Emblem game. They did not released it out here because They were afraid of getting sued by Sega for copying off of their Shining Force.. Of course, Sega didn't sue them because there were people Who worked on Shining Force making the game. Then of course, having their names cleared, Nintendo put Marth and Roy on Super Smash Brothers Melee To give us a hint at what we'll be getting in the future. Two years later, they decide to release Fire Emblem 2 out here, following both [/b]Roy and Marth[/b]'s adventures. First off, you start playing as a chick named Lyn, and you play as her for the first 10 chapters, which are All tutorials. Then, we meet Roy in the Tutorial chapters, and Nintendo changed his name to "Eliwood" for no good reason. Then after Lyn's chapters, you go to Roy (Who's name has been changed to Eliwood)'s chapters and start all over again at level 1. And then you meet Marth, Who has undergone a major transformation from his first appearence in Super Smash Brothers Melee. First off, his name was changed to "Hector" and instead of giving him a sword, they gave him an axe. And then we eventually get Lyn back, so now we have all 3 lords with us, meaning that if one of them die, then it's game over. Of course, Lyn and Hector are the only ones who even KNOW how to combat-As Eliwood is weak as a kitten. Even WHEN he's upgraded. And Nintendo has us choose our moves carefully, meaning that if one of your members die, then they are gone for good. Now we have Strategizing going on, making the game more annoying already because there is no way to undo a move or revive dead party members.

The storyline is definatley the worst ever. It's more or less just a stupid love story between Roy and Ninian, who is a girl who has strange dancing powers while her Musician brother has strange musical powers and gay stuff like Dragons interfere with their love affairs. in fact, here's one thing you probably didn't know: Eliwood/Roy is Gay and Ninian is a guy And then we realize that Marth/Hector is probably the only straight guy in there, as we already know that Lyn is a Girl and that During several "supports", Hector hits on Lyn and then they eventually flirt with eachother.

Overall, Fire Emblem is indeed one of the worst games on the Gameboy, Nintendo decided not to release its prequel out here and sent this out just to have us think that the Fire Emblem series begins with number 2.. There is supposedly a Fire Emblem 3 coming out for the gamecube and a Fire Emblem 4 coming out for the Gameboy, but I am not interested in them. I would rather play Eternal Darkness and Shining Force.

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#239

Post by Codiekitty » Sat Jun 26, 2004 7:08 pm

I would rather play Eternal Darkness and Shining Force.
Dude, what was wrong with Eternal Darkness?

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#240

Post by Sim Kid » Sat Jun 26, 2004 11:45 pm

Nothing really-I wasn't the one who said that, it was the idiot at school.

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