MCU Megathread

[CaptHayfever]

For those keeping score:
The season finale of What If just came out.
Eternals opens in just under a month.
Hawkeye premieres in 7 weeks.
No Way Home opens in 10 weeks.
Behind-the-scenes stuff is also coming for Black Widow (Oct 20), What If (Oct 27), & elephino (Nov 12). Speaking of the former, though, it's finally time for part 31.5....


Black Widow:

--You gotta have blue hair!
--Mom is some kind of biologist...but I prefer to call her a librarian.
--Ohhhhh, it's The Americans.
--Of course Nat doesn't wanna leave Ohio; all the little chicks with the crimson lips know Cleveland rocks.
--Whoa, Dad's hoppered up on some kind of steroid.
--I'm about sick of closed-caption subtitles erasing the translation subtitles that are actually part of the film.
--Slow "edgy" covers like this are kinda overdone, but this one at least fits what's happening onscreen. Imagine if an MCU project used covers like this that didn't really fit at all; that would so freaking goofy. Like Josh Mobley's crappy "Break on Through" or Valerie Broussard's awful "Paint It Black" cover over a brightly-lit scene of a royal coup, wouldn't that be wild?
--Ok, it only took until 14 minutes into the movie to learn that little sister's name is Yelena.
--1995 + 21 = 2016. The airport battle ended very recently, & the events of this movie heavily overlap both parts 31 & 32.
--He will not get Rogers, for the record.
--Why wouldn't Ross brag about getting Wanda too? And why is he limping? He wasn't limping earlier.
--Adult Yelena just got a Matrix-style red pill. (Not to be confused with an online-douchebag-style red pill, which is ironically almost the exact opposite.)
--Ugh, did they turn Taskmaster into a robot? Mimicry isn't cool when it's just a robot doing it.
--Is Norway the nexus of all realities or something?
--"People who have friends don't call me." They do if all their friends just got arrested.
--So ScarJo can do an English accent, & a German accent (I've seen Jojo Rabbit), but can she do a *Russian* accent?
--Huh, that's a twist on Every Car Crash Commercial; it usually isn't a missile.
--Tasky is moving the shield to where it(?) anticipates the shots to go, which means Tasky has studied how Nat shoots.
--Ugh, a computer visor? At least that means Tasky isn't a robot, but why can't we let people have actual superpowers in this superhero franchise!?
--I guess it's nice to know what the Budapest incident was with Hawkeye, but it was fine a noodle incident, too.
--Why not use some of this cure on the Widows attacking you?
--Dreykov is not only evil, but also stupid. That arm slash didn't just cost him a Widow, it cost him his targets.
--Tobey Maguire took a fall like that in Spider-Man 2. MEPHISTO CONFIRMED.
--It must be hard to tilt your head downward in that suit, otherwise Taskmaster would've seen Nat & Yelena NOT go down that hatch FROM THE TOP OF THE ESCALATOR.
--It's a landing pose, Yelena; it's for cushioning landings.
--GTA: Grand Theft Avenger
--Hey, comrade, Alexei's story may sound unbelievable, but I've seen stranger things.
--The prison walls are strong. You get inside, you live.
--Don't ask questions about periods if you're not prepared for accurate answers. Also, don't get squicked out by accurate answers.
--Yelena should not be able to hear anything after Nat & Alexei took off their headsets.
--Alexei's idea of a compliment is...fantastic.
--It is so awkward for everyone to be sitting around the table in battle gear like that.
--"You named the pig after me?"
--Ironically, the Red Room sorta accidentally stopped Hydra from improving on the old Faustus mind control techniques!
--Natasha's reaction to her "family" (you can tell which one is Yelena).
--Melina really *is* a coward. She pretends not to know the answers she's already figured out to questions that are deeply uncomfortable. At least Nat got through to her a little, even if it was technically too late.
--No, Yelena, Crimson Dynamo was kinda sorta Whiplash.
--As long as Alexei was by that window with no helmet, I was terrified that he'd be shot in the head from outside.
--What is with movies not giving soldiers body armor!?
--Not gonna lie, a secret flying base is cool.
--Who ordered these guys to start the brain surgery if Melina was *just* told to do it?
--"It's that **** mask again!" ~General Talbot
--Ok, Taskmaster is Toni instead of Tony. That's fine. Still not digging the robo-helmet.
--Winstone's accent is even sloppier than his character's punches.
--Dreykov has all this power, but he still can't answer Natasha's question: Why?
--Dat Avengers 1 callback tho.
--This dogpile in the office is brutal. In fact, all the fights in this movie have been appropriately intense for the character & the scope.
--Zero Suit Samus vs. Power Suit Samus on Umbra Clock Tower.
--Tasky lives to fight another day. Fighting styles I've spotted: Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Black Panther, Winter Soldier. [OoC: And Jigsaw, but that won't happen until a few months from now.] Dunno what the sword is about, though.
--Ok, I guess now I won't be confused if Natasha is wearing that vest in the future?
--Ok, but like, how did she get away from Ross?
--Oh my, firefly, I wish I could light up like you.
--Credits: Ok, the supplier's name must be "Mason." I guess it's Rick Mason? Sure would've been nice if literally anyone had addressed him by name in the film.
--Post-credit scene: This the first time one of these stingers has been a *true* major spoiler for a chronlogical viewer. Also, Old Christine is in this movie.

Executive summary: I'd be lying if I said this was one of the best MCU films; Taskmaster was handled badly, & a couple of plot beats were really silly. But I'd also be lying if I said this was one of the worst MCU films; the significantly different tone was refreshing, the themes about human trafficking & female objectification were handled deftly, the movie was shot really well, & most of the action was tight.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Sigh.
More release delays.
Eternals & No Way Home are still locked in. As for the rest, the new dates are:

6 May 2022 - Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
8 Jul 2022 - Thor: Love & Thunder
11 Nov 2022 - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
17 Feb 2023 - The Marvels
28 Jul 2023 - Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania

Note that all of these movies have already begun principal photography, and the first couple of them have already FINISHED filming entirely. Also, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 retains its May 2023 release slot.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

In light of the recent schedule delays, I thought "hey, I have all my notes ready, so why not do the next liveblog post now?" So I did.
In this cartoony (part 61.3), we're invading your TV....


What If...? season 1:

#1.01 "...Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?":
--Diggin' the Uatu design.
--How does Peggy being in the room make the spy set off his bomb earlier?
--Flynn, from the one-shot? They couldn't get a Tommy Lee Jones soundalike?
--Who is Peggy talking to?
--Howard Stark should not be trusted with that much power.
--Peggy's face is unrecognizable when she widens her eyes.
--They're trying to recreate a lot of the significant dialogue beats from the films, but faster, & it sounds weird.
--Was that tentacle beast in the Yggdrasil carving in the movie?
--Bucky & Steve reclaiming the Hydra Stomper.
--Either they somehow forgot what the repulsor animation is supposed to look like, or Steve just flame-broiled the Howling Commandos.
--Literally all you gotta do is turn off the portal.
--Overall consequences: Seemingly minimal. Red Skull dies instead of becoming the Soul-Stonekeeper. SHIELD still gets established (probably by Howard & Steve instead of Howard & Peggy). Peggy serves the same role as Steve when she returns to Earth.

#1.02 "...T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?":
--Is Uatu ever going to get lines that don't sound like generic clips of a science center exhibit?
--So, both the Ravagers AND Ronan go after the Power Stone 6 years sooner.
--When did Korath become a variant? This isn't his personality at all.
--Flashback: Ooh, nice background Watcher.
--This has been fun so far, but "reformed" Thanos is painfully cheesy, & I don't know how Drax's family is still alive if Ronan has been running around anyway.
--HOW IS THERE STILL A BLACK ORDER IF THANOS IS REFORMED?
--The Collector's lip-synch is off.
--Ok, there is no way Tivan having all this stuff is a consequence of T'Challa being Star-Lord. And how the hela does Hela's power come from her crown?
--Carina, as ever, you are delightful.
--They're not doing exact dialogue matches this time, & this episode is much less rushed than the last, but the words are still kinda clunky.
--Overall consequences: COSMICALLY DRASTIC. Thanos abandons his crusade. Asgard falls at least 12 years sooner. The Avengers & the Guardians never need to form. Ego assimilates the universe.

#1.03 "...the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?":
--Ok, wow. So just trace whoever had that needle before Natasha.
--It's Fury's Big Week, 2011.
--Coulson hasn't changed in this universe.
--Hold on, then was Widow dead too in the truck...
--...no, she's here with Betty.
--Aw, they didn't draw Bruce as Edward Norton.
--Hi, Uatu!
--Ok, it's Hank, got it. This is basically the "Thanus" idea, just done to Hulk instead.
--Those cards WERE vintage, after all.
--Hi again, Uatu!
--Took long enough to reveal the nexus event here: The recruitment of Hope Van Dyne as a SHIELD agent.
--These logos on the caskets are silly.
--Overall consequences: Severe. Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye, & Wasp are all dead. The Asgardians are about to execute Hank, so Scott will never become Ant-Man. Loki invades Earth a year early & wins, but doesn't stab Coulson. The two Captains are all we have left to fight back.

#1.04 "Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands...?":
--You're not even hiding anymore, are you, Uatu?
--So there's kinda 2 nexus events here, Christine coming along AND somebody rear-ending Strange out of nowhere; the accident in the Sacred Timeline was his fault.
--"If Christine died, Strange would've just thrown himself into his work." ~my wife, being right
--Oh, look, it's every single distracted driving commerical ever.
--In Infinity War, Strange only looked forward from the point he was already at on Titan. Here, he's limiting his mindset in a similar way; he assumes that some choice HE makes can save Christine, when she actually dies because of a choice SHE made.
--The Ancient One is straight up lying now.
--Heh, there is no escaping the Strange name joke.
--O hai again Flthulu.
--So Strange becomes Agatha Harkness in this reality.
--Wait, was that the Horned King!?
--Ah, it's a Starfish Rachel plot.
--You know what looks freaking awesome in animation? Magic duels.
--HE PUNCHED THE HIGHLIGHTS OUT OF HER HAIR!
--If ever there was a time for Uatu to get to talk to someone else, this was it.
--Overall consequences: The universe ended. Not "got assimilated". Not "got conquered". CEASED TO EXIST.

#1.05 "...Zombies!?":
--Hmm. Bruce should show this place to Thanos...& watch him learn nothing at all from it.
--Upside of being a piece of cloth: You can't be infected with a zombie plague. Also, WHAT!?
--For a second I thought that was Hive, but Hive would already have been dead for 2 years by this point, so ants make more sense.
--Ok, Uatu's just straight-up talking now.
--So the nexus event was, what, Janet turning right instead of left? Also, where's Ghost? She shouldn't be biteable.
--Grr, argh.
--Good idea with the webbing; the zombies can't make it up there.
--Looks like being dead is the only thing that can make Hawkeye miss.
--Several of these characters have helmets or masks; WHY AREN'T THEY WEARING THEM?
--You expected Bucky to be sad about Sam?
--THERE. HE SAID UNCLE BEN. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT NOW.
--With her mask ruptured, all Hope has to do is try to shrink again & her head will pop.
--And here I was thinking they brought Paul Rudd in to say 3 words.
--Bucky needs to play Left 4 Dead. Don't startle the witch!
--No, it wasn't "last year". Stop making Spider-Man screw up the timeline.
--Overall consequences: Severe, & potentially cosmic. Almost all of humanity is dead or zombified, including almost every Avenger, & Thanos is still on the way...but the Mind Stone might repel him now.

#1.06 "...Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?":
--Not even trying to hide anymore, I see.
--If you're Happy & you know it, punch your hands.
--Even for Tony Stark, that is impulsive.
--She sounds NOTHING like Gwyneth Paltrow.
--Ok, that's what he wants, drones for his war.
--If you didn't know Andy Serkis could do voice work, that's just...preciousss....
--Remember how pissed off Tony got when Happy was injured? Now *Rhodey* is *dead.*
--That is NOT a fatal wound.
--Oh great, it's General Ross. Everything will be much better now. Hooray. I am so happy about this.
--Wait, Ramonda's a general!?
--It's a little silly that Killmonger is fighting his own soldiers, but at least he's doing it to put on a show for Wakanda. Imagine if he was fighting his own people without any witnesses to maintain a cover for; that'd just be stupid.
--Ghost Chadwick doesn't mess around.
--Overall consequences: Severe. There's no Iron Man, so anything that happened as a result of Stark's actions past this point doesn't happen. And the US is about to lose a war with Wakanda unless Pepper & Shuri can convince the most stubborn man in the entire MCU that he's wrong.

#1.07 "...Thor Were an Only Child?":
--Loki was abandoned, not lost. If Odin returned him, he would've just been abandoned again.
--How did they use the Bifrost without Heimdall noticing?
--Norse drinking horn myth joke.
--A water jetpack above a fountain? How do you guarantee people land in the fountain!?
--Aaaaand Darcy just married Howard the Duck.
--Tony just cured his blood poisoning & saved the Stark Expo; you'd think he'd be at a party like this.
--"The party atmosphere seems to be spreading" is now in the running for best Coulson quotes ever.
--How did Loki get so tall?
--Finally an open clear shot of Carol absorbing energy.
--Darcy & Jane look exactly the same here.
--"Late night"? The sun's up.
--Of course Crossbones wanted to fire the nukes.
--"But it's a sphere?" Ellipsoid, but your point stands.
--Holy crap, they actually got the StL skyline right!
--Love that Frigga didn't buy the lie for a moment.
--Credits: Carol has the same replacement voice as her earlier episode. Also Frigga, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, & Drax are replaced. Skurge did not speak.
--It's not like Uatu to be so surprised by something.
--Overall consequences: Of *this* nexus event, significant but not dire; Loki does not become a villain, Thor does not become an Avenger but remains an ally to Earth. But clearly something else happened in *another* universe that's bleeding over into this one.

#1.08 "...Ultron Won?":
--Ooh, Hawkeye has an invisibility cloak! And a metal arm!
--This replacement Ultron voice is baaaad.
--It took you 3 years to kill all of humanity, but only 3 seconds to kill Thanos? That doesn't add up.
--If Thanos has the power stone, how is Xandar not already wrecked? Or Asgard & Ego already destroyed?
--The power of 1 stone versus all 6, that actually makes sense.
--Ok, Uatu is piiiiiiiiissed. It might be just about time to interfere.
--Of course! A non-artificial digital intelligence to counteract an artifical one. And they don't have to worry about Zola betraying them, because he has nothing to gain by it.
--Ultron must've run out of vibranium at some pont, because these drones are getting ripped apart by bullets like they were nothing.
--Ultron's talking ike Thanos right now. That didn't go the way Thanos expected.
--Galactus joke?
--"From here, I can see everything." First of all, you can't see a universe that doesn't exist anymore. And secondly, can you see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
--Credits: I genuinely love it when they save last-second surprise cameo credits until the end credits. It reduces spoilers. Very nice.
--Overall consequences: Potential death of the multiverse. Variant Avengers, assemble!

#1.09 "...the Watcher Broke His Oath?":
--Captain Carter is about to enter the Winter Soldier plot.
--Wait, is that supposed to be Batroc?
--No way T'Challa stops the Expansion that easily; Ego will just come back & try again.
--I feel like we missed something; why is Gamora here?
--Uatu, do you *really* want Killmonger?
--Hemsworth's scream is everything.
--"Guardians of the Multiverse" is an awkward name.
--Wrap it up, Strange, Peggy's still thirsty.
--Thor, you jolt dolt.
--Zombie Wanda actually hurt Ultron; it just didn't stick.
--They should've taken the Time Stone first; good thing Strange already has one of his own.
--Why would the stones being "unique" make them indestructible?
--Just like in the movie, Ultron's greatest weakness is another computerized intelligence.
--"The one thing to save" Thor's home was killing Ultron; he doesn't need your help, Erik.
--Strange Supreme effectively has the power of an entire universe, able to hold his own against Infinite Ultron, which would mean he should be able to fight Uatu,...but he chooses not to. Strange is wise enough to understand that he went too far before & should go no further, & that his isolation is deserved.
--Uatu is the ultimate Marvel fanboy.
--Mid-credit scene: Dawww.
--Overall consequences: The zombies are gone, the victorious Killmonger & Ultron are gone, the last Zola is gone, Natasha isn't trapped in a dead world, & the Earth that Loki conquered is fighting back. There's still a timeline dealing with Ego, but that's about it.

Executive summary: Episodes 1, 2, & 5 were okay at best; the rest were good (3 & 4 were the best). Animation was also inconsistent; some episodes held visages extremely well, while others completely lost the likeness when emotions happened.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Eternals opened last week.

Marvel Studios's "Disney+ Day" offerings:
--Legends video for Hawkeye (which starts on the 24th)
--Assembled video for Shang-Chi (also, the movie is now streaming)
--Moon Knight teaser
--She-Hulk teaser
--Ms. Marvel teaser (show is delayed until summer )
--Confirmation of the rumored spinoff series Echo and Agatha: House of Harkness
--Announcement of new animated series X-Men '97 (clearly based on the old 90s X-Men cartoon), Spider-Man: Freshman Year (a origin prequel for MCU Peter), and Marvel Zombies (spinoff from What If).
--Some of the movies are streaming in IMAX now.
--No dates on anything but Hawkeye, which also got a new teaser.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

The 1st 2 episodes of Hawkeye are up TODAY! Here's not that. Part 61.7....


Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings:

--STOP REPLACING THE DIRECTOR'S SUBTITLES WITH THE STREAMING SERVICE'S SUBTITLES. THIS IS NOT DIFFICULT.
--"Now there's a Mandarin." ~the Joker probably
--There's "bad boss", & then there's "get thrown off a cliff for your bad boss."
--Bowser Jr. mask.
--Was the hat supposed to come back?
--Why can't Wenwu find the mythical tigers & dragons? Because they're all crouching & hidden. I stole that joke from Letterman.
--Airbending is in this movie.
--Another group of people empowered by the heart of a different dragon.
--Who says you have to stop having fun just because you have responsibilities?
--Blipsync reminds me a lot of the Corvus phones as a post-Thanos hookup aid.
--San Francisco, post-blip. The Chinese day of the dead approaches. It's April 2024.
--"Does he look like he can fight?" Anyone in even halfway-decent shape looks like they can fight, Katy; that's a stupid question.
--Oh my gosh, it's Do-A-Flip Guy!
--Oh my gosh, it's...Knife Hand Guy!
--Ooh, I've been to Ghiradelli Square!
--Wow, this mask guy is scary. I wonder what his name is.
--I know from people that dietary restrictions are always accounted for in advance for meal-service flights.
--I can't take anyone that says "the Dark Web" seriously.
--Wait, that's a Widow!
--Wong & Abomination are in this movie...& they rig fights.
--"What happened to your shirt?" is super Holly-&-Gary vibes.
--You know what's SUPER useful? Scaffolding with no platforms. Brilliant architectural choice.
--I'm gonna call Masky "Blue Spirit" in honor of Zuko.
--That puppy billboard is really lightening the mood.
--"My son is home! ...Also, a bunch of your friends died!"
--Oh sure, he rules by violence AND cheats at DDR?
--"[ALL RESPOND IN AN ORANGE]"
--"What the hell was that?" Sounds like vocal warm-ups. ("Those are different for singers." ~my wife, a singer, to me, an actor)
--There's a poster of Trevor as King Lear. Nice.
--Taking the rest of the keys so they can't be followed, nice.
--Ah, so Knife Hand Guy must be Razor Fist.
--Planet of the Apes is a truly great film, but not for the reason Trevor thinks.
--Sobriety looks good on Trevor.
--Lions & Phoenixes & Alolan Vulpixes, oh my!
--Aleta Orgord is in this movie. I guess reusing an actor after a few years isn't a big deal.
--Ah ok, that explains the dragon connection: Ta Lo is probably another one of the Capital Cities of Heaven.
--This flashback is sad, but "the Iron Gang" is a stupid name.
--Ying Li totally would've won against just those first few guys; look how many she took out before she died!
--The way these fight scenes are shot is wonderful. Even when they're tragic & brutal & horrifying, they're still beautiful cinema.
--"I've lived ten of your lifetimes" is a nice boast & all, but there's an old Chinese saying that would've been even better: "I've eaten more salt than you have rice." I don't speak the language, so I couldn't tell you how it sounds in Mandarin, but it would've been cool.
--"You did nothing!" "I was 7; I would've died too!"
--Well, Blue Spirit is dead, & I still don't know his actual name.
--LOOK UP, YOU IDIOT.
--The Great Protector wakes up. (2008, colorized)
--ACTING!
--Love Shang-Chi using the rings as stepping stones. Mad Minecraft Smash vibes.
--Love the anticlimax moment of Shang-Chi tossing the rings at the ground.
--The very last things Wenwu does are save his son & pass on his power. That's pretty meaningful. Unfortunately, just because the emotional arc has ended doesn't mean the physical threat has ended.
--Grazed him. Hawkeye would've hit dead-center.
--That's some Wonder-Woman-lasso levels of magic rope.
--Shang-Chi's finishing move: Take your pick.
--Wong is still in this movie.
--Credits: "Based on the Marvel Comics" Yeah, but by who? Why doesn't the creator get credited here like on a lot of the others?
--Mid-credits scene: Mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice, & she said "we are all just visitors here of our own device." (Whoa, Bruce is de-Hulked.)
--Post-credits scene: Xialing, that's the opposite of "shutting down."

Executive summary: Gorgeous cinematography, fight choreography, & production design. Fun & engaging characters. A very different origin plot than we're used to. Love it.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Spider-Man: No Way Home is in theaters now, & it is spectacular.
The finale of Hawkeye drops in 2 days, & it has also been spectacular.
After that, we don't have a confirmed release date of ANYTHING for a few months; the next thing we know for sure is Multiverse of Madness in May.

I have updated my timeline infographic for the year. Figuring out how to squeeze in Loki & What If was the hardest part.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Next known release date is May 6th; we're in our first content drought since before WandaVision.
In the meantime, I'll double back around to 63 once a certain film is on disc in a couple months; this is part 64....


Hawkeye:

#1 "Never Meet Your Heroes":
--Flashback: 2012 New York. Gee I wonder what's gonna fall from the sky.
--Did caption guy just italicize "checkers"?
--How big could this place be that the shouting child could traverse multiple floors & still not be heard?
--Ooh, *opening* credits!...that are entirely about Kate?
--The Edge of Twenty-Two
--That tower is far too skinny for the bell to swing back & forth. The bell itself barely even fits in there.
--If the clapper swinging was enough to bring this bell down, & the bell falling would wreck the entire tower, then this thing was a massive safety hazard that should've been renovated years ago.
--Who's Random Grey-Haired Man in this musical?
--Ant-Man can't fly. Also, roll-call songs are cringey. Shaiman & Wittman wrote this? Seriously?
--Good to see edgelord redditors exist in the MCU too. (Also, that's the least crowded theater bathroom I've ever seen.)
--"Don't drop off your bags at your house first; carry them to my house & then carry them further to your house later."
--Paul F. Tompkins? [Editor's note: Upon further research, this is not Paul F. Tompkins, but a very high-quality facsimile.]
--Clint, take the free food; you're not Danny Rand.
--It's funny, his mouth said "Doo-cane", but what was in the caption surely must be pronounced "doo-ques-nee".
--You made her come to your house first, but you didn't bother telling her about the engagement then? Lame mom.
--It's the auction from Get Out!
--Ronin's identity remains a mystery...but his stuff was found in the Avengers Compound, so....
--Wait, did he just say "bro"?
--In vino violence.
--I was afraid this might be a quantum GPS watch, but that close-up says it isn't.
--Kit Harrington? [Editor's note: Upon further research, this is not Paul F. TompkinsKit Harrington, but a very high-quality facsimile.]
--Unwrapped in the fridge, that slice of pizza would be fossilized by now.
--Hawkeye, meet Hawkeye.

#2 "Hide & Seek":
--Something something he calls himself "Star-Lord".
--Do not go straight home when you think you're being followed.
--I hope he didn't need that bag.
--You don't thaw frozen pizza, Kate; you preheat the oven.
--"What makes you say [I've got a lead]?" You're not angry that you don't have the suit.
--Nice, the kids are learning ASL for Clint.
--There's always a bunch of superhero actors in Times Square.
--Is "coming up with the conversation topics" at dinner a thing people do? Most folks just ad-lib.
--The LARP scene reminds me of the movie Tag. (But a 12-hour battle!?)
--Oh, good, Laura knows; that's good.
--Only one reason to hide how good of a fencer you are: you're planning to kill somebody with a sword & don't want to be suspected.
--Whether Jack did it or not, he goes to his uncle's house a lot; he'd have butterscotch anyway.
--Hmm, another deaf person.
--Oh, NOW we switch to the fancy end credits, & now they're about both leads.

#3 "Echoes":
--Flashback: 2007. Maya's dad is accidentally right about dragons.
--Hmm, "Uncle" is giving me mad Vincent D'Onofrio vibes.
--Imagine Dragons writes good songs, but the bass is overwhelming. I like covers better.
--Black Widow killed Ronin the same way that Darth Vader killed Anakin Skywalker, in that Clint is lying.
--Echo, you don't have the right to make the decision about a hearing aid for someone else.
--The oner in the car is spectactular.
--There ain't a chance in hell that Hank knows Clint has that arrow.
--For people who literally can't converse right now, they're very impressively on the same wavelength.
--KEEP THE HANDS IN FRAME WHEN PEOPLE ARE USING SIGN LANGUAGE. Did we learn nothing from Inhumans!?
--The H on the forehead was always dumb.
--Kate, why do you need to sneak into a house you have a key to?
--Credits: Interesting, this appears to be the first D+ MCU show to credit main-cast actors who aren't in the episode.

#4 "Partners, Am I Right?":
--Jack is clearly well aware of Clint's "Sterling" reputation.
--Very meet-the-boyfriend vibes, but minus the romance.
--I'm impressed he could steal the sword from within Jack's field of vision.
--Wait, so the watch actually *matters*?
--Kate, you're right, this dance is horrifying.
--My wife loves those premade margaritas.
--"The shot he didn't take" could've also been Thor. Just sayin'.
--Look, Clint, she was gonna find out eventually.
--So Kate's aunt is an edgelord redditor too?
--I've seen those silent alarms before. I've always wondered, though, how do they work when the person is asleep?
--Oh no, that bag is gonna get wrecked. :(
--Hmm, maybe Clint should've picked an even *lower* vantage for the zipline?
--Both Clint & Kate should be observant enough to notice that Yelena & Maya fought each other too. Also, screw you, Val.

#5 "Ronin":
--Flashback: 2018. "This girl looks like a weird mix of Brie Larson & Anna Paquin." ~my wife, being correct
--Yelena's POV. (1968, colorized)
--Well, that *could* be a normal adoption....
--A recap AFTER the show already started? That's bad editing, guys.
--Eleanor helps Kate deal while she thinks her future is Up In The Air.
--I wouldn't mind a houseguest who cooked dinner. Come to think of it, my mother-in-law does that sometimes; it's great.
--Yelena speaks from experience about American Christmases.
--Somehow Val's operation knows who Ronin is, but the people actually after Ronin don't.
--Oh gosh, is Grills gonna die?
--What does "Christmas in Hollis" have to do with The Royal Tenenbau--HOLY CRAP A SWORDFISH ALMOST WENT THROUGH MY HEAD.
--This is a very Batman kind of a sequence.
--Somebody got her credit cards turned back on.
--You're a mean one, Mr. Fisk.

#6 "So This Is Christmas?":
--Eleanor, the last guy to try blackmailing the Kingpin...was Daredevil & it worked. But the guy before that was Owlsley, & he got pushed down an elevator shaft for his trouble.
--Fisk has always kept his operations low-profile, hence the Avengers never taking interest. They don't go after every random crook...unless someone else drags them into it.
--Clint finally acknowledges Kate's true grit.
--Kinda cool seeing how the sausage is made.
--The question about Jack now is how *much* of a patsy he is.
--Dear small child, wine ages regardless of whether its owner is in jail.
--Why do elevator doors not have their safety-open feature in fiction?
--Clint knows what I've been saying for years: Neckties are dangerous.
--Kate vs Yelena is a fun fight, a rare instance of two people fighting just to slow each other down & not cause any actual harm.
--Are...are you guys going to put on your LARP costumes to better organize people instead of your NYPD & FDNY uniforms?
--It's a very lucky thing nobody was on the rink.
--"Children shouting"? Little too much adult egg nog there, caption guy?
--Kazi's right that Maya shouldn't have gotten into the business. Maya's right that the audience won't be upset if she kills Kazi.
--Wilson Fisk & car doors are a dangerous combination.
--Remember, Fisk's clothes are all armored, though he might have a pretty nasty multiple concussions.
--I think Clint might be okay with Yelena killing him now, because it's clear that at least she finally believes him.
--Ok, so Jack was *completely* a patsy.
--She can't hear your "when I was a boy" speech, man.
--He made it!
--So Laura used to be an agent. But how would this watch incriminate her?
--Mid-credit scene: Holy crap, that's Marc Shaiman & Adam Pascal!

Executive summary: All kinds of fun, & sticks the landing. Hailee Steinfeld is a joy. D'Onofrio brings back the menace. A couple of plot holes, perhaps, but overall my favorite of the D+ shows thus far.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Say, Cap, do you read any comics?

[CaptHayfever]

A few. I like stuff that's easy to keep up with, either because there isn't a giant backlog (Ms. Marvel, Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, Runaways) or it's a limited/one-off story in the first place (Irredeemable/Incorruptible, Watchmen, Persepolis, Alias), or the nature of the character means you can just jump in whenever without feeling like you missed anything (Deadpool).

The MCU may be sprawling compared to other film/TV franchises, but it's still child's play to keep track of compared to actual long-running comics.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Yeah. I've considered getting into 'Tintin' or 'Donald Duck', but that's a heck of a lot to get caught up on. It'd be like trying to watch 'General Hospital' from the beginning.

I had subscriptions to 'Uncanny X-Men' and 'Wolverine' back in high school, but even those I just kind of dabbled in. Only long-running comics I ever went back and dug up all the back-issues of were 'Nick Fury-----Agent of SHIELD' and 'Usagi Yojimbo'.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I was thinking about checking out the TMNT comics recently, doesn't Usagi Yojimbo tie into them?

[Booyakasha]

I don't know-‐‐------I've never read TMNT. The Turtles have appeared in UY a couple times (as has Groo the Wanderer), and of course Usagi has shown up in a few iterations of the TMNT cartoons over the years. It wouldn't surprise me, though.

[EDIT: Incidentally, 'Usagi Yojimbo' is a real good comic in its own right. I mean, I'm sure it must sound silly to say right after me acknowledging how hard it is to get into some decades-long comic opus, but UY is worth it. If you're at all interested in samurai biz, you could do a sight worse than to check it out a little.]

[EDIT2: Sorry. Sometimes I have to proselytise.]

[CaptHayfever]

No news is good news, I guess, so we'll dial it back several months from that Christmas story. Here's part 61.8....


Eternals:

--Before the 6 singularities would be a wholly different universe.
--What kind of egotistical response is "I'm Ikaris"? Like dude, strike up a conversation about her interests before you start hitting on her; don't just hype yourself.
--HEAT BEAM EYES! (I couldn't find Jackie saying it.)
--Flashback: 5000 BC. This opening fight & its aftermath gives a good presentation of what everyone's power is, except Sersi; hers is still a bit strange. Props for showing the ASL in camera frame; take that, Scott Buck! Ikaris, you shouldn't sound pained to thank somebody for helping you. (Is it maybe the actor? Like, he's just bad maybe?)
--Wait, that's real Pink Floyd in a movie, not a cover. Niiice!
--Timeline cue: We are far enough post-blip that the GRC is established.
--You know nothing, Dane Whitman.
--Ok, so she de-ages things?
--Proto-Pizza Dog? Boy, wouldn't that be fun if Pizza Dog actually showed up someday?
--"You believed me?" "I do now!" Ok, I like Dane.
--HEAT BEAM EYES!
--Ohhh, ok, so she transmutes things!
--WHiH UK? Oh no.
--Sersi shouldn't be apologetic when the guy who abandoned her found out she moved on.
--Flashback: 575 BC. HEAT BEAM EYES! Babylon is bluer than I realized. Arishem & Ajak are hiding something. Thena is Rachel from Animorphs. Makkari & Druig have WAY more chemistry than Sersi & Ikaris. Ikaris couldn't give less of a crap about humans (& I don't think he actually misspoke in Babylonian).
--Well, then. Sersi can transmute that rock to be more comfortable.
--Flashback: 400 AD. By the standards of where my wife grew up, the 3 years we dated before our wedding was just shy of "a long time", but this was 900 years.
--Timeline cue: It's still cool in Montana. We'll call it spring 2024.
--It should always be sketchy when the person who can heal herself doesn't heal herself.
--Bloody hell, Ikaris, just because it hasn't happened before doesn't mean it can never happen. Don't be dense.
--Flashback: 1521 AD. Mad Weary (oh, sorry, "Mahd Wy'ry") is a pretty clever analogy for PTSD. Gilgamesh & Thena also have WAY more chemistry than Sersi & Ikaris.
--This scene is thoroughly Kumail, & I love it. (I also love that Chloe Zhao thinks BTS will still be as popular as they are now in 2024.)
--Gil is nice & sassy, but Sprite is thoroughly sick of that joke by now.
--Every "billion" years a Celestial must be born, but Ajak has already aided several emergences over "millions" of years? Even as he reveals the truth to Sersi, Arishem is still lying. Also, stars & life would still come into existence without the Celestials; Arishem's arrogance blinds him. The Celestials need their own apex predator.
--Karun's perspective is a wonderful stabilizing element to this argument.
--My wife caught this: Druig provides possibly the most complicated moral element of the movie; his power is inherently deeply disturbing & wrong, but he uses it solely to protect people. (Contrast, say, Kilgrave.)
--"I'm not powerful enough to protect you from the planet-sized beast that created me specifically to obey him." Yeah, no kidding, you narcissist.
--Dishoom.
--Somebody's not being very accurate with his HEAT BEAM EYES!
--Sersi to that Deviant. (language warning)
--Boss Deviant suddenly talking like Dan Stevens in Beauty & the Beast, and suddenly accessing the memories of the person he killed *before* this person, is the stupidest moment of the movie.
--How would a conscience make somebody MORE dangerous?
--Flashback: 1945. The solemnity of Phastos in Hiroshima is slightly subverted by Ajak dressing like a Peggy Carter pallet-swap.
--Love a little cross-company nod.
--Phastos & Ben *also* have WAY more chemistry than Sersi & Ikaris.
--Flashback: Last week. It was Ikaris all along! Hayek finally gets some heavy lifting. And HEAT BEAM EYES!
--"They give life & they take life away without bias." No, with a massive pro-Celestial bias.
--Karun's been comic relief all along, but his exit is poignant, & I like that they've been using the film's subtitles instead of erasing them for D+ subtitles instead.
--HEAT BEAM EYES!
--The significance of Makkari's wail is chilling.
--Those were for charity, Clark.
--Thank you for keeping your eye on the ball, Phastos.
--Good thing Sersi doesn't have a real kidney there.
--Marble Comics
--Yes, we get it, Ikaris/Icarus.
--Sprite doesn't get taken because she can't breathe in space anymore. Makkari, Druig, & Thena don't get taken because Arishem forgot to turn on the GPS in his toy robots.
--Credits: Dane is billed more importantly than Karun, but Karun is in way more of the movie. Also who's Kro? [Editor's note: Upon further research, Kro is the lead Deviant whose name is never given at any point in the film, not to be confused with....]
--Mid-credit scene: Patton Oswalt is in this movie. Also, if Eros is an Eternal, then how is he prince of *anywhere* or *anyone's* brother?
--Post-credit scene: Some mother****ers are always trying to Ebony-Blade uphill.

Executive summary: There are too many new characters in this movie, & the ones who get the most focus are the least interesting. Sersi & Ikaris's romance is mostly portrayed through a lot of long quiet stares which give the audience too much time to realize that Chan & Madden don't have any chemistry (& Madden's performance is pretty weak, too), especially when there are 3 other couples here overshadowing them (including the criminally underused Makkari). And while Deviants needed to be here, Kro specifically did not.
On the other hand, everything else here is interesting, & the movie is beautifully shot. It just needed to balance the cast dynamics better.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Moon Knight premieres on March 30th! Here's the first trailer, which just dropped a couple hours ago:

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

THIS JUST IN: The Defenders-related MCU shows will be leaving Netflix at the end of the month!
--Daredevil
--Jessica Jones
--Luke Cage
--Iron Fist
--The Defenders
--The Punisher

No new home has yet been announced, but they will probably be making their way over to Hulu (or Star for any non-US viewers).

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Related to the above: Agents of SHIELD will also finally leave Netflix in the US at the end of the month as well. That show is already on D+ in most of the world, though; its Netflix presence was always a more traditional streaming-rerun situation like Friends or CSI or something.

Super Bowl spots tonight! Here's the first full trailer for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness:

And here's a shorter teaser for the same film, with different footage shown, as well as a poster.

Meanwhile, there's also an extra Moon Knight teaser & a poster.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Deadpool 3 has just locked in a director: Recent recurring Ryan Reynolds repartee expert Shawn Levy.
Also, the Netflix shows & SHIELD will be on US Disney+ tomorrow!

ALSO also, Ms. Marvel will officially premiere on June 8th! Here's a poster. And here's a trailer:

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Moon Knight premieres tomorrow!

In other news:
--There is serious talk of reviving Daredevil.
--Marvel is officially developing a D+ series of Nova.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

We're halfway through Moon Knight.
Multiverse of Madness opens in 3 weeks & tickets are available.
Also, a movie just came out on disc, so let's fill in that chronological blank from December; here's part 63....



The Daily Bugle season 2:

--"Spider Menace Strikes Again" - Haha, get dunked on, Jonah!
--"Web of Lies" - Y'know, I've wondered if that Peter Parker kid was secretly British or something.
--"Spider Sycophant" - Flash, you opportunistic jerk. But how is the memoir "illegal", Jameson? Oh, you were homeschooled; that explains it.
--"Sticky Street Job" - Those webs dissolve eventually, dude. (Simmons clearly didn't shoot new footage for this one.)
--"Spider-Menace Tip Line" - Simmons clearly didn't shoot new footage for this one either.
--TikTok Batch 1 - Betty clearly doesn't wanna slander Peter; that's kinda sweet. The one with Ned was hilarious. So was the Supplements ad.
--TikTok Batch 2 - ...these are not well written, & they don't fit with anything else.

Executive summary: I'm happy for Angourie Rice getting the extra work, but man TikTok sucks as a format, & those Morbius videos are completely out of place.



Spider-Man: No Way Home:

--*Immediate* sequel.
--This actually happened to Tom Holland; he tried to keep paparazzi back from a fan who they were mobbing while she was talking to him, & they tried to accuse him of assaulting them.
--Flash is having his world rocked probably more than anybody who didn't already know.
--Oner: Peter's efforts, while futile, are adorable. And the franticness of this shot is great.
--When did Damage Control gain law-enforcement abilities? I thought they just cleaned things up.
--Ned, you idiot.
--Welcome back, Matt Murdock! That makes two!
--Holy crap, Dum-E's alive?
--Oof, Happy's guilty as hell.
--Betty returning to her lame school news show after interning at the Daily Bugle is...a step UP for her career, since her last gig was at the freaking Daily Bugle.
--I'm a little uncomfortable with Hannibal Burress being given the conspiracy theorist role, given that he was like the first person in Hollywood to call out Bill Cosby. It should've been Mr. Dell instead.
--So, male spiders hypnotize females to mate, but then the females eat the males afterwards. Doesn't sound like a great deal for the males.
--"Wicked crime." I see what you did there, Ned.
--Timeline cue: Halloween just passed.
--It is profoundly messed up that they're punishing MJ & Ned for what Peter "did".
--Talk about a...cold reception.
--It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission...but Wong gave permission, so yay.
--They really should've talked this through before he started.
--They don't tell you in high school that you can call the college to ask them to reconsider your application. In fact, they tell you in high school that you CAN'T do that.
--That's not a jump cut; Strange just teleported him outside.
--Child safety locks with no child, really?
--HOLY CRAP ALFRED MOLINA IS IN THIS MOVIE.
--Uh-oh, what's he gonna do with nano--oh. Hahaha! Massive self-own there, Doc.
--HOLY CRAP WILLEM DAFOE IS IN THIS MOVIE.
--HOLY CRAP WHOEVER PLAYED LIZARD IS IN THIE MOVIE.
--Peter's rocked that Mysterio was accidentally right about the multiverse existing.
--The undercroft. Not to be confused with the laracroft.
--Hmm, I wonder what's up with that dirt.
--HOLY CRAP THOMAS HADEN CHURCH IS IN THIS MOVIE.
--Oh yeah, Sandman & Peter ended Spidey 3 on good terms.
--HOLY CRAP JAMIE FOXX IS IN THIS MOVIE & HE DOESN'T SUCK THIS TIME.
--The MCU Earth's electrical grid runs on arc reactor energy; Electro's gotta love the taste of that.
--"It's just a tree, man. Just a tree."
--Norman has figured out for himself what happened; that's cool.
--May, keeping them here too long could literally rip the universe apart, & then both them AND you are dead.
--Spider reflexes, nice.
--It's now a very warm December in NYC. Or, given how department stores are with Christmas music, a very normal beginning of November.
--Holland & Zendaya have a very easy chemistry a la Garfield & Stone.
--Fun reminder that Marko is the only non-scientist of this bunch.
--Octavius kinda has the best of both worlds here; he gets to keep his powers AND cure his mental issues.
--Reminder to anyone wondering how Green Goblin can manhandle Spider-Man like that: He's literally a super soldier.
--Crap, she said the thing. Godspeed, Aunt May.
--And here comes JJJ to make things worse with his Alex Jonesian spin on things.
--The blu-ray subtitles are ignoring Lola for some reason.
--HOLY CRAP ANDREW GARFIELD IS IN THIS MOVIE.
--HOLY CRAP TOBEY MAGUIRE IS IN THIS MOVIE.
--So we're just straight up doing live-action Into the Spider-Verse now. Seems a little belittling to Lord & Miller, but so far the execution of this movie has been great, so let's see if they keep that up.
--We know MCU Peter has a dead Uncle Ben too, but I guess it wasn't his fault? And I wonder if Tobey Peter recognizes the name Gwen as that one random girl he met that one time.
--Ned, you're not gonna become Harry Osborn, chill out.
--Pointing meme.
--"Destroy ANOTHER national landmark"? When was the first one, Jameson?
--I love that the other two Peters can't get over the biowebs.
--"You are amazing." I see what you did there.
--Is that Spidey 3 footage played backwards?
--The Trojan Octopus.
--Oh, Strange is piiiiissed.
--This is just straight-up TASM 2 footage.
--Redemption time for Peter 3! He's gonna need a minute after this.
--You actually helped, Gobby; the statue looks much better without that stupid shield attached to it.
--Redemption time for Peter 2!
--Sky people I can see: Kraven, Scorpion, Rhino, a bunch of vaguely humanoid shapes.
--Freudian slip, Strange, but I can't blame you; this is heart-wrenching.
--Caption Guy subtitled MJ *mouthing* "I love you", but he couldn't manage so much as a "[speaking foreign language]" for Ned's lola?
--Daw, she's still wearing the necklace!
--Cowards chickening out on the gravestone year to avoid screwing up like in Homecoming. It's 2024.
--Sad Happy.
--You'll get your rent when you fix--sorry, I got carried away.
--I understand hanging onto a keepsake of everyone, but the generic coffee cup is kinds lame. It's hard to see my own criticisms, though, when I'm typing through tears.
--Styled credits: Loving the math.
--Mid-credit scene: The Venom films officially are NOT in the MCU prime timeline (so what the hell was up with the Morbius Daily Bugle videos?). Also, I better never hear anyone make fun of Jessica Jones for saying "the big green guy" again after the same dang thing was just said in one of the movies.
--Credit scroll: "Avi Arad would like to gratefully acknowledge Avi Arad for being just the best guy who never made any mistakes on past Spider-Man movies." Freaking amazing.
--Post-credit scene: Literally just a trailer for Multiverse of Madness; you can skip it.

Executive summary: A couple awkward moments here & there, but overall a great tribute to the Spider-Man film franchise & a wonderfully bittersweet tale of self-sacrifice. Hopefully, Sony sticks with the Marvel Studios partnership going forward.



And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Behold! a poster for Thor: Love & Thunder!

And behold! At long last, a trailer for Thor: Love & Thunder!

EDIT: Also behold! Another Ms. Marvel poster!

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"