OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUD: where we complain about popular things in media we don't like to feel better about ourselves

[Booyakasha]

So I'll tell you what I don't like is the notion of Word of God----------you know, the idea that the creator of a story is automatically correct as regards the story. It flies in the face of literary criticism. I'm willing to hear J. K. Rowling's theory that Dumbledore is gay, but I'd like to hear an argument and see some evidence. Because I don't see it in the movies. I'll listen to any theory, but I'm not under any obligation to just believe the author's theory about what's going on. Even if there is evidence, I can produce counter-evidence.

Like, a couple years back, Mark Hamill said he'd be okay with Luke Skywalker being gay, and the internet blew up. People instantly decided Luke was gay. All well and good (I wouldn't be bothered), but there's lots of counter-evidence. Luke is obviously attracted to Leia from the word 'go'. Says she's beautiful in a smitten tone when he sees her in Artoo's recording, pauses to admire her for a moment when he finds her in her cell, and doesn't scream "yuck! girl-germs!" any of the times Leia smooches him. I mean, can we discuss it at least?

Or, here, here's a little one------------in both the comic and the novels of 'Girl Genius', it appears quite clear that the lingua franca of the Wulfenbach Empire is German. There's the place names (Sturmhalten, Passholdt, Beetleburg, Mechanicsburg), there's the character names (Klaus von Wulfenbach, Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Martellus von Blitzengaard, Moloch von Zinzer, Lars, Maxim, Mittelmind, Tiktoffen, Von Pinn, Hexalina Snaug, Sanaa Wilhelm, Jorgi, Strinbeck, Oublenmach), there's all the incidental vocab (Geisterdamen, Weißdamen, Jägermonsters, Burgermeister, Schweincopter), there's the fact that every Jäger we meet talks like Sergeant Schultz, and people are constantly referred to with German honorifics, like 'Herr' and 'Herr Doktor' and 'Frau' and 'Fräulein'. Compelling evidence. So, despite all this evidence, the Foglios assert once in the novels that the main language of the Wulfenbach Empire is Romanian. Would I be annoyed if this were the case? No. Say they're speaking Quechua, for all I care. But can we see some evidence?

It isn't a lack of respect. It's just...literary criticism is like science. We observe, and interpret. I don't accept that I just get to accept other people's interpretations, even if they wrote it. William Shakespeare could come forward in time and tell me Hamlet actually was insane the whole time, and I'd listen to his argument, and maybe I'd find it compelling, and maybe I wouldn't.

[Booyakasha]

Luke is really super boring, just a little goody two shoes.

...what are you talking about. Luke's entire deal is rebellion. There is not one moment in the trilogy when he follows orders like a good little ratzi stormtrooper. He follows his own path---------he doesn't obey Vader, he doesn't obey the Emperor, and he certainly doesn't obey Yoda or Obi-Wan. Having a conscience and following it doesn't make you a little goody two-shoes.

Like no wonder the Rebellion lost its way after Luke left, and assh*les like Admiral Holdo took over. Luke was the smart one, the savvy one. The heart-ring holding it all together. Moral compass. The firebrand, the idealogue, the John Adams of the Rebellion. Of course the Rebellion started to suck ass after he went away and threw his sword into the sea.

[EDIT: Admiral Holdo is seriously loathesome to me. Rebels should be good guys, open with each other. They should be like Luke. They shouldn't be like Holdo, keeping things back from her own guys for no reason aside from the dingdong fun of it.

I have never hated a fictional character as much and as when Admiral Holdo told Poe to just follow her orders in 'The Last Jedi'. She's being demonstrably stupid, and when one of her champeens has the audacity to question her orders, she slaps him down. Rebels should be rebellious, dammit! They should question authority! They should kill their heroes! They should punch up! I'm angry! I played 'Rebel Assault', and 'X-Wing', and 'Rogue Squadron'! I've never wanted to say swear-words at a fictional woman before! How dare, how dare she be so obtuse?!?

This is only the Galactic Civil War we're talking about, and Holdo is treating it like a game of Ghost in the Graveyard. Biggs and Porkins died for this. Gold Squadron died for this. Ewoks died for this, you wretch. You dumb purple-haired butt-nugget, you aren't fit to shine Wedge's boots.

Ugh. I could puke coat-hangers.

[Booyakasha]

...can people at long last stop pretending they give a crap and just let people call the Monster 'Frankenstein', instead of 'Frankenstein's Monster'? It's so damned pedantic. I'm insufferably pedantic, and this is below even me!

The Monster probably wouldn't even make the distinction, and he's a conniving murderer. Hell, he addresses Frankenstein as 'Father' at least once, doesn't he? He calls him 'creator' once. Even he probably wouldn't care if someone called him 'Frankenstein', because he's kind of Frankenstein's son. I don't mind using my dad's last name, and I got ten times more reasons to hate my dad than the Monster had for hatin old Vic. So what, are we gonna be crappier than the Monster who kills people? Come off it.

[CaptHayfever]

^It's pronounced Fronkensteen.

[Just noticed the edit. Right there with you on Holdo.]

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Actually, it's pronounced

Hope that cleared things up.

[EDIT: Friggin Holdo, man. She makes Mon Mothma look like General Patton. What a gomer.]

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

So I'll tell you what I don't like is the notion of Word of God----------you know, the idea that the creator of a story is automatically correct as regards the story. It flies in the face of literary criticism. I'm willing to hear J. K. Rowling's theory that Dumbledore is gay, but I'd like to hear an argument and see some evidence. Because I don't see it in the movies. I'll listen to any theory, but I'm not under any obligation to just believe the author's theory about what's going on. Even if there is evidence, I can produce counter-evidence.

Like, a couple years back, Mark Hamill said he'd be okay with Luke Skywalker being gay, and the internet blew up. People instantly decided Luke was gay. All well and good (I wouldn't be bothered), but there's lots of counter-evidence. Luke is obviously attracted to Leia from the word 'go'. Says she's beautiful in a smitten tone when he sees her in Artoo's recording, pauses to admire her for a moment when he finds her in her cell, and doesn't scream "yuck! girl-germs!" any of the times Leia smooches him. I mean, can we discuss it at least?

Or, here, here's a little one------------in both the comic and the novels of 'Girl Genius', it appears quite clear that the lingua franca of the Wulfenbach Empire is German. There's the place names (Sturmhalten, Passholdt, Beetleburg, Mechanicsburg), there's the character names (Klaus von Wulfenbach, Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Martellus von Blitzengaard, Moloch von Zinzer, Lars, Maxim, Mittelmind, Tiktoffen, Von Pinn, Hexalina Snaug, Sanaa Wilhelm, Jorgi, Strinbeck, Oublenmach), there's all the incidental vocab (Geisterdamen, Weißdamen, Jägermonsters, Burgermeister, Schweincopter), there's the fact that every Jäger we meet talks like Sergeant Schultz, and people are constantly referred to with German honorifics, like 'Herr' and 'Herr Doktor' and 'Frau' and 'Fräulein'. Compelling evidence. So, despite all this evidence, the Foglios assert once in the novels that the main language of the Wulfenbach Empire is Romanian. Would I be annoyed if this were the case? No. Say they're speaking Quechua, for all I care. But can we see some evidence?

It isn't a lack of respect. It's just...literary criticism is like science. We observe, and interpret. I don't accept that I just get to accept other people's interpretations, even if they wrote it. William Shakespeare could come forward in time and tell me Hamlet actually was insane the whole time, and I'd listen to his argument, and maybe I'd find it compelling, and maybe I wouldn't.

I'm sort of in-between on this. I consider everything Akira Toriyama says about Dragon Ball to be canon despite him openly admitting he really doesn't give enough of a s*** to remember his own lore. On the other hand, I don't like retcons and he just can't stop doing that. It's one thing to make goofy statements like Monster Rabbit & his crew are still floating in outer space (which flies in the face of his already inconsistent portrayal of humans/Saiyans breathing in space) but another to expect us to just accept that "lol super saiyan god was a thing this whole time and vegeta & frieza both knew but for some reason just never mentioned it despite never shutting up about regular super saiyans".

It makes no sense. It's almost like we fans are taking this all too seriously or something, but damn it, if Toriyama says pure Saiyans' hair never changes from birth then it better never change...but it does! He changed it so that it just "grows more slowly".

[Booyakasha]

^The best thing one can do is to think critically about the situation. It's like 'Rashomon', man---------there's nothing wrong with bearing Toriyama's interpretation in mind, but, inasmuch as you acknowledge Toriyama isn't overly reliable, it's good that you're keeping your own interpretation on the table, too.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Yeah. I mean, I don't care what anyone says, this dude is surviving the vacuum of space whether or not he's technically in the "outer atmosphere" or whatever I've seen people suggest:

[Booyakasha]

I like 'Lilo and Stitch'. A lot. You know, I think it's Disney's best movie ever, no mistake. It's beautiful to look at, and it feels like it takes place in something like the real world, kind of, and it's so much more grown-up than most Disney flicks. It feels real. Real-ish. Sometimes you don't need no magic curses or green fire-dragons to make a situation heartwrenching.

Lilo and Nani feel real (weird, but real), and the situation is so grounded. It's like if somebody tried to make a good version of 'E T'. (Sorry. Shots fired.)

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

The only good thing about E.T was the ride at Universal Studios. The movie also spawned E.T 2600, so it's really a net loss.

[Booyakasha]

'ET' can go to H. I tell you what I liked, as a kid, was 'Flight of the Navigator'. That's such a rad flick! It's by turns fun and scary as flip--------that's a good movie for getting kids into sci-fi, man. You don't want to start with the gnarliest Ray Bradbury/Harlan Ellison stuff.

[Booyakasha]

I really, really love 'Much Ado About Nothing', the Kenneth Branagh flick. That was the iteration that won me over into checking out Shakespeare as a stupid little eleven-year-old, and, you know, I love Kenneth Branagh's bonkers over-the-top delivery even now. I don't care how silly he went------------us stupid little modern dipsticks need a helping hand no less than did the dumdum groundlings five hundred years ago. Kenneth Branagh is the man, and his Shakespeare is the tits.

There's a gorgeous little moment. Benedick's pals have tricked him into thinking Beatrice is in love with him, and Beatrice's homies do the same vices versa, and it shows Beatrice swinging wildly on a swing, and Benedick tromping joyously about in a fountain. Both in an ecstasy of delight, letting love for the first time ever into their shrivelled cynics' hearts. It's sweet.

Michael Keaton delivers a terrifically bizarre performance as the extremely grotesque constable who pretty much unravels the bad guys' whole plot by way of being so damn weird and horrible that people seem to want to go out of their way to confess, rather than spend more time in his presence. It's pretty hilarious.

[EDIT: That Patrick Doyle don't go in halfway, man. 'Pardon, Goddess of the Night' starts off so intense and scary, and then at the end it suddenly rolls up more sad and beautiful than 'Non Nobis'. What a kick in the heart.] [Doyle's voice is so beautiful. Gods-------to have such an instrument!]

[Booyakasha]

So this is a small thing (aren't they all), but why didn't they just have Danny Elfman voice Jack in 'Nightmare Before Christmas'? I ask because Danny Elfman and Chris Sarandon sound nothing alike, and Jack's songs are so often so...spoken-word-y, you know? So it's like he goes from talking through a song to talking just normal, and suddenly his voice changes utterly. It's weird, and it detracts from the overall effect.

Like, usually in movies, if an actor isn't up to the task of singing, they hire on a soundalike to sing for them (in 'Lion King', Jeremy Irons kasploded his voice about halfway through "Be Prepared", so they got Jim Cummings to pinch-hit, and the result is practically seamless. And, like, Jim Cummings sang "In the Dark of the Night" in 'Anastasia' for Christopher Lloyd. I wouldn't have known that wasn't Christopher Lloyd just from listening). So having Danny Elfman and Chris Sarandon play the same character is pretty dang jarring. Why do it. You're just breaking your own biz------------stop-motion animation needs all the flipping help it can get to maintain the illusion.

[CaptHayfever]

^I looked it up, & apparently it was because Elfman just didn't wanna do the dialogue bits, just the singing. And the creative team thought Sarandon did sound like Elfman.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

Hmmmm. Okay. I can understand the first part, but not the second, not at all. I don't think they sound anything alike. But hey, it's not my movie.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Huh, I never even noticed Jack's singing voice was different from the speaking one. Now I probably won't be able to unhear it.

[Deku Tree]

^Yeah, same.

[Booyakasha]

oh, great---------------once again boo the jerk ruins things for other people just by existing

[Booyakasha]

I'm rewatching 'Mike Tyson Mysteries' (great show-------------firmly recommend), and I saw something that I've seen so dang often that I've never ever thought to question it. Like, at the end of ep. 1.10, Mike saves the day by hitting Chainsaw Charlie with a TASER, and they demonstrate Chainsaw Charlie getting electrocuted the way they always do-----------light him up and show flashes of his skeleton through his skin. That doesn't happen in real life, and yet it's just, like, such a cultural touchstone for 'this person is getting electrocuted' that it seems off when you don't see it. Someone's getting electrocuted, you see their skeleton, man. Cartoons, comic books, comic strips, video games, and at least one live-action movie I can name (remember when Marv was getting zapped in 'Home Alone 2', and, instead of doing an animated effect, they put a fake skeleton in his place for a couple seconds? Why did they do that? Are they insane? Am I insane? It is pretty funny, I have to admit. 'Home Alone 2' is about as close to a cartoon as you can get without Droopy Dog showing up).

Maybe it's just one of those things. Like lasers going 'pew pew' audibly in the vacuum of space, and also being something you can see and jump out of the way of. Or radioactive stuff glowing green. Or bombs being either a bowling ball with a little wick you light, or a bundle of dynamite that you set off with a plunger.

[Deku Tree]

I know at least another live action movie example.



Doesn't happen to Luke, though.

That is a weird convention for everyone to have run with, no questions asked.