MCU Megathread

[CaptHayfever]

Timeline info for Falcon & Winter Soldier: At least part of it takes place in 2023, which places it before Far From Home, so that's interesting.

Lots of production delays lately due to weather, reshoots, a global pandemic, et cet. F&WS is almost done. Helstrom extended filming to March 20th. Shang-Chi was delayed, but now they're about to get started. Loki is filming now.
Multiverse of Madness is still supposed to begin filming in May, & the Raimi rumor is looking very strong. WandaVision has wrapped. Ms. Marvel is supposed to start filming this year. She-Hulk is officially confirmed for 2022 release. Jeremy Renner is warming up to begin filming Hawkeye soon-ish (once Kate Bishop is cast, I'm sure).

As for releases...we're still waiting until May for both Black Widow & the final season of SHIELD.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Speaking of the Widow, here's her final trailer:

I don't know if anyone here ever read Margaret Stohl's Black Widow novels, but the plot here seems like it was based on those. (And that's a good thing, because those novels were pretty tight.)

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Falcon & Winter Soldier has postponed its final location shoot in Prague 'cause of coronavirus.
The New Mutants release has been postponed again 'cause of coronavirus.
Black Widow is still set for May 1st.
Shang-Chi...is actually filming. There's a helicopter in it.
[Edit for update: Shang-Chi director Destin Daniel Cretton has entered self-isolation while he awaits test results, mostly out of concern for his newborn baby; first-unit is suspended while that happens, but second-unit is filming instead, so technically the production is still on schedule.]
[Double-edit for more up-to-date update: Disney has halted all live-action film production. Dang.]

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

I think we all saw this coming, but Black Widow's release has been delayed in the continued uncertainty of the COVID outbreak & AMC Theaters' current 6-to-12-week closure.
Foreseeing this situation, Clark Gregg & Chloe Bennet have started pushing for an early release of SHIELD S7, since the whole season finished post-production months ago & the show could swap places with almost any mid-season ABC show that has had to freeze filming.

Also, though, Helstrom wrapped a few days early, just before the production freeze. Any post-production work that can be done remotely should be able to continue uninterrupted.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

The SFX company working post-production on Eternals is working from home, so that film, which had wrapped production back in February, will probably still be ready by November.

...Not that that matters anymore, because Disney has officially bumped the next few MCU films back a release date. The new schedule now looks like this....
6 Nov 20: Black Widow (formerly Eternals)
12 Feb 21: Eternals (formerly Shang-Chi)
7 May 21: Shang-Chi (formerly Multiverse of Madness)
16 Jul 21: Untitled Spider-Man Sequel (has not moved)*
5 Nov 21: Multiverse of Madness (formerly Love & Thunder)
18 Feb 22: Love & Thunder (formerly TBA)
8 May 22: Black Panther 2 (has not moved)
8 Jul 22: Captain Marvel 2 (just announced)

No announcements have been made regarding the other greenlit films (Blade, GotG 3, Ant-Man 3) or any of the shows (but SHIELD S7 is probably starting next month).
And, of course, there is no new release date yet for New Mutants.

*Sony, rather than Disney, controls this film's release. Its filming window has been delayed, however.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

With Black Widow moved back to November & the last season of SHIELD probably a month away, I'm doing a chronological rewatch of the complete MCU up to this point & "live-blogging" my thoughts, acting as if I don't know what's coming next. Without further ado, we begin with
Captain America: The First Avenger:

--The double prologue is great. I've got a sense of stakes already.
--Skinny Steve is effective, but still a little uncanny.
--Bucky is actually pretty well-established in the first act here; I don't understand the complaint about him being a "nothing" throughout the franchise.
--Jenna Coleman is in this movie.
--Erskine is incredible. The cryptic-mentor archetype, but refusing to be cryptic, like a more honest version of Obi-Wan.
--Why is Col. Phillips so opposed to a small guy getting the serum; surely he's been told the physical effect is supposed to be the same no matter the subject?
--The least believable thing about this part of the film is that Hodge wasn't reprimanded for sabotaging the training equipment & attacking a fellow recruit.
--There are a lot of scientific percentages being tracked in this movie, but they never say what they're percents OF.
--"I had him!" Peggy, you're wonderful, & you nailed him the first time, but that car was gonna hit you even if you plugged him between the eyes.
--...Did they seriously not give Steve a different script when he was gonna perform for actual soldiers in Europe?
--If you didn't tell me Dum Dum Dugan was Neal McDonough, I literally never would've guessed it; under that hat & mustache, he is completely unrecognizable.
--"I'm from Fresno, Ace," is probably the closest any American-made WWII film is ever gonna get to acknowledging racism against Japanese-Americans in the 40s.
--Genuinely surprised Red Skull trusts Zola with his car when Zola has clearly been done with the Skull's crap for a while now.
--The replication of the propaganda-film marching shot as Steve returns with the POWs is kinda brilliant.
--Hi, General Stan!
--Natalie Dormer is in this movie.
--Much appreciated that the paint on the shield is not indestructible even though the shield is.
--Train heist: Wow, they actually respected the practical limitations of a 10-second window by only having 3 of the guys able to get on the train!
--This Valkyrie plane is ludicrous in its proportions.
--Why did the flamethrower guys aim around Steve instead of at him?
--Ooof, there are some bad green-screen artifacts here, but I'm not sure how much of that is because of the screen I'm watching on.
--Peggy, don't stand up in that car unless it's to climb out of the end dangling off the cliff.
--Hydra's pilotable bombs are really cleverly-designed.
--Steve how is "I don't know how to land this plane" tougher to explain than "Schmidt got dissolved into a space portal"?
--While it's unlikely that anyone would remember the exact play-by-play of a baseball game they attended "4 years ago" (from Steve's perspective), it was still kinda lazy of Fury to not just pick a game from after the war.
--"I had a date." Heartbreaking.
--Post-Credit scene: Skip this one; it's literally just an Avengers trailer.

Executive summary: Strong film for establishing Captain America & Peggy Carter, great supporting cast, kept from true greatness by a couple cloying details.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I think you may like Marvel more than I like DBZ, and that's impressive.

[Calamity Panfan]

let's test this theory out

capt how do you think the incredible hulk would fare on the sun

[CaptHayfever]

^Immediate response: He'd probably sink into its plasma surface & at some point incinerate. The Hulk is not invincible.
Thorough response: Thor literally gets blasted by a neutron star in Infinity War & only survives because he's immediately afterwards granted a weapon that heals him. Hulk is more durable than Thor, but they're overall fairly similar in power. We also see Hulk can be overwhelmed (like when he's swarmed in Avengers 1), & falling into a freaking star would surely be overwhelming. The character mostly likely to survive contact with a star would actually be Carol Danvers, by virtue of her powerset: She absorbs & stores energy, up to the level of a binary star (& her MCU incarnation was empowered by an infinity stone, which would surely help with her durability as well).

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

THE NEWSENING, part 1: Sam Raimi confirms he is now directing Multiverse of Madness. Pizza time!
THE NEWSENING, part 2: SHIELD season 7 premieres May 27th, which gives me 6 weeks to get as much of this done as I can....

Agent Carter season 1:

#1.01 "Now is Not the End":
--Peggy's roommate is cute & their interactions are charming.
--Men's business wear genuinely hasn't changed in a century. When do ties finally just go away?
--How does Peggy's superior officer genuinely not know her actual service record?
--"Automat" is old-timey speak for "bunch of vending machines with a waitress to abuse."
--Agent One Tree Hill here is perfectly slimy.
--"So does my wife." OHHHHHHHHH, BUTLER 'BOUT TO GET SOME!!!
--"You are a credit to your..." uh-oh "...profession." Oh, nice.
--Heh, "Roxxon". I'll bet there's a Roxxon-Valdez too.
--There are a lot of movie clips in this episode, but there were 4 years between release dates, so it kinda makes sense. Still awkward.
--I didn't know electrolarynxes existed back then.
--Self-cleaning explosion. The future is now. Or, rather, the future is 1946.

#1.02 "Bridge & Tunnel"
--This Cap radio show is freaking hilarious.
--"Leet Brannis"?
--Much better flow of narrative here without the film inserts.
--Hey, it's the Devil from "Reaper"!
--Loving the cool spy stuff.
--A literal carrot & stick. Nice.
--You'd expect these guys to be the recurring villains for the season, but nope, they're both already dead.

#1.03 "Time & Tide":
--Ok, the new landlord is a horrible person.
--Chief Dooley & Agent Sousa are pretty deep, even if Thompson & Krzeminski are tools.
--Jarvis is much cooler under pressure than one would expect.
--Anna Jarvis's backstory might be the closest an MCU property gets to acknowledging the Holocaust (until Magneto shows up).
--Everything to do with this boat just reeks of foreshadowing.
--Oh, Krzeminski's dead. Thank goodness.
--Peggy, I get that you feel guilty, but don't lie & say Krzeminski was good at his job.

#1.04 "The Blitzkrieg Button":
--You can't extort somebody out of more money than they have, period.
--That gattling pistol is amazing.
--Good ol' drunk-on-duty Thompson.
--Why use a secret compartment for that?
--HOLY CRAP, DOTTIE.
--Hi, Stan!
--Everyone's actions here, while conflicting, are completely rational. It's nice.

1.05 "The Iron Ceiling":
--Crap, is this...is this the Red Room?
--Peggy worked at Bletchley Park & has the Howling Commandows on speed dial, & she's been stuck fetching coffee!?
--This whole episode is gonna be everyone just dunking on Thompson over & over again, & I'm gonna love it.
--Welp, Sousa is right in that pocket of too-smart-to-fool but also not-smart-enough-to-figure-out-the-whole-thing, which is gonna be a problem for Peggy.
--Li, did you seriously miss the part where the kids are being programmed to instill fear?
--"Knowing what science is means you see in other dimensions" is the biggest crock I have ever heard.
--Yep, that was definitely a Widow.
--Oh, Thompson's a fraud? Big surprise.

#1.06 "A Sin to Err":
--This opening narration is getting old.
--Not since Little Shop of Horrors has a dentist's chair been so dramatic.
--Oh, ok, the doctor's dumb science speech is because he was playing a part.
--Miriam's only a threat if she's your landlord.
--I feel like I'm too engrossed to remember to write comments. This is only the 2nd time I've watched this show.

#1.07 "Snafu":
--How does this guy go from merciful war doctor to evil chessmaster in 3 years?
--This interrogation scene is really good. Thompson actually looks decent for a change.
--Peggy was given a copy of the Project Rebirth files at the end of the movie; where is that? It wasn't in her desk now, & she had to pull the SSR's copy during her investigation.
--Peggy & Jarvis are the comic duo we deserve.
--Godspeed, Dooley.
--It's the Pax.

#1.08 "Valediction":
--Faustus's plan is very petty.
--I like the difference in Peggy's & Dottie's fighting styles.
--I'm glad they followed up on Angie's situation.
--There are a lot of feels in this episode, but none greater than Peggy's final farewell to Steve.
--Post-Credit Scene: Well, that can't be a good thing.

Executive summary: Clever & charming old-timey spy adventure. Dottie is a revelation. Peggy & Jarvis's chemistry is the key to the whole thing.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

THE NEWSENING, part 3: Enver Gjokaj confirmed to appear in SHIELD S7 as Daniel Sousa (but we basically already knew that thanks to Ming-Na Wen leaking a photo last summer). This is the perfect piece of news to lead into my post on...

Agent Carter season 2:

#2.01 "The Lady in the Lake":
--No beating around the bush, we jump straight into the action.
--Tonight's forecast: A freeze is coming.
--Howard Stark has gone from 60% Howard Hughes to 90% Howard Hughes.
--Ana Jarvis is just delightful. Also, she's the douchey author's nice assistant from A Fault in Our Stars.
--Red Forman is now on this show.
--Dr. Wilkes is a smoothie.
--I'm glad Sousa didn't just spend the past year pining.

#2.02 "A View in the Dark":
--Violet is blindingly bright.
--An ominous council of rich white men is secretly organizing catastrophes for their own profit. And there's also one on this show.
--Whitney Frost reminds me a bit of Hedy Lamarr.
--Zero Matter reminds me a bit of Darkforce.
--I like the clown joke far more than I should.
--I also like that Peggy is being made to acknowledge that there are struggles she doesn't face, without denying her the struggles that she does face.
--I also also like that she is ok with learning this.

#2.03 "Better Angels":
--Thompson, can you ever not be terrible?
--The Starklet Invasion is exactly what this club deserves.
--I'm going to quote from a review of this show back when it first aired: "Atwellian pulchritude."
--Did Stark just develop a man like a filmstrip?
--Seriously, if not for the subtitles, I would think Thompson is calling Daniel "Susan."
--Chadwick thinks he's the main antagonist, but he's wrong.
--That "disembodied voice" line seems like foreshadowing.
--Welp, that's one way to get out of a casting-couch situation.

#2.04 "Smoke & Mirrors":
--Baby Peggy is adorable.
--Baby Whitney is creepy.
--Teen Peggy is ironic.
--Teen Whitney is tragic.
--This episode is heavy on the smart spy work again. Love it.
--Vernon is about to put his foot up Peggy's--

#2.05 "The Atomic Job":
--I remember the dude playing Manfredi from an episode of What I Like About You.
--Sousa has a solid point about Rose's lack of field experience. While she is well trained, she is also in poor shape, & she protects the office with firearms from a stationary position.
--Removing a souffle was a completely valid analogy, Jarvis.
--If this wasn't the middle of the season, I would've thought for a second they were killing Peggy off.
--Poor Violet.

#2.06 "Life of the Party":
--THEY SAID THE THING.
--Whitney's dedication to her marriage is so tragically sweet.
--Dottie's back, so the chaos level is raised.
--Jarvis's sword cane idea is adorable.
--There are two things wrong with Thompson in this episode. First of all, he's in it. Secondly, he's still an idiot.
--Looks like all Peggy had to do to to figure out what was going on was unleash an enemy agent.

#2.07 "Monsters":
--Manfredi's lack of terror around Whitney is unironically heartwarming.
--For a makeshift Faraday cage they just slapped together overnight, this thing is ridiculously ornate.
--Vernon seems to be under the assumption that the SSR is a normal police department.
--Peggy may be in a silly love triangle, but at least they aren't even beginning to suggest that Jarvis is part of it.
--Poor Ana.

#2.08 "The Edge of Mystery":
--Radios were very flimsy in the 40s.
--Manfredi's nonna reminds me of my grandma.
--Thompson is so dumb he doesn't realize he's holding a file about Finow, a case he worked on.
--Everything with the Jarvises in the hospital is just capturing me.
--Good ol' Jack Thompson, once again deciding to do the right thing just after it's too late.
--Is Wilkes's head bigger, or have we just never seen him from below before?
--I did not think Jarvis would go through with this.

#2.09 "A Little Song & Dance":
--This opening is trippy & has Angie in it. I like. (Dancing Sousa is very disturbing, though.)
--Peggy & Jarvis are the arguing duo we deserve.
--Thompson's plan is not bad; there are a lot of things that can go wrong, but it's basically the best they've got at the moment.
--Did they just end an episode in the middle of a detonation!?

#2.10 "Hollywood Ending":
--This may be Howard's best entrance ever.
--Manfredi, a big eater, lets his hostage finish delivering food. Real recognize real.
--Poor Hank.
--I'm sure those zero-matter effects looked better on a non-HD screen.
--I love that Sousa leaves his crutch behind so he can use both hands.
--Frost's breakdown has been incredibly compelling; her final scene is a real gut punch.
--Well, it seems to have taken Peggy 2 years to finally move on.
--Stinger: O hai, cliffhanger ending.

Executive summary: Not quite on par with season 1, probably because they didn't expect renewal (season 1 was billed as a miniseries). Better main villain, though, & still deeply enjoyable.


Marvel One-Shot "Agent Carter":
--Ok, here's Cap crashing again.
--"One year later" must be a mistake; we'll just ignore it.
--Looks like Thompson's replacement (Flynn, it seems) has both tightened the reins around the office & completely ignored everything previous chiefs have said about Carter's field record.
--Peggy is now Batman, so that's cool.
--The heck is "the zodiac"?
--I do enjoy me some spy gadgets.
--Stark's influence finally pays off.
--Shane Black has a creepy voice.
--Mid-Credit Scene: The '40s are an important & exciting time.

Executive summary: Solid transitional piece from the SSR era to the SHIELD era. Narratively, a nice micro-finale to take the edge off of season 2's cliffhanger.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

THE NEWSENING, part 4: Moon Knight is scheduled to begin filming on November 16th, which should be well post-quarantine if certain people would stop screwing the hell around.
Anyway, let's jump ahead 50 years....

Captain Marvel:
--I feel like all these clips of Stan Lee are bigger spoilers for the "future" films than anything in the rest of this movie will be.
--This establishing shot of Hala is very Blade Runner.
--"If you knew how to use X, you'd be able to knock me down without X" is some massive gaslighting nonsense.
--Yon-Rogg & the Supreme Intelligence are both telling Vers she struggles with her emotions, but she's really freaking stoic. More lies. Interesting.
--Soh-Larr, Att-Lass, & Minn-Erva, ha, I get it.
--These warp grids are really cool.
--This slo-mo swimming shot is not.
--"You need to go slow"? It's a race.
--This memory scene is cool. The repeated "focus" is a nice call-back to Dr. Fennhoff.
--Absent of her commander, Vers lets some emotion out, & Larson's delivery becomes more natural. Good acting choice.
--True Lies just came out on tape. The year is set without anyone telling us.
--Something something Skrull album cover.
--Hi, Stan as himself in Mallrats!
--Who is Fury flashing his badge at?
--This needle drop on the motorcycle ride is very 90s, but not in a good way.
--Why are these motion-sensor lights so loud?
--The dogtag reveal is solid; so is the black-box flashback.
--Annette Bening is having a blast in both roles.
--The USAF really looks bad in this film: they allowed airmen to sexually harass their fellow recruits both off- & on-duty, allowed an alien to infiltrate their ranks & use their resources to undermine their entire raison d'etre, covered up 2 whole peoples' *existences* when they died, & then obstructed & illegally detained a government agent looking into it years later. The promo materials for the movie might constitute military recruitment propaganda, but the actual content of the narrative doesn't support that AT ALL.
--I hate that Monica magically knows how the camo function on Carol's suit works.
--Carol wasn't really losing blood in the flashback; she was simply shutting-down dying. I guess Kree blood just has some kind of healing effect on humans?
--Hey, it's the cube from the last movie!
--All the toys & games are great. Mar-Vell really fell in love with Earth, didn't she?
--I'd like to see what the scanner says about Maria. Adding "male" to Fury's scan just seems superfluous (unless Flerkens only have one sex).
--In the comics, Binary can absorb & store energy to release later. If that holds here, she's got 6 years' worth of juice saved up.
--Again, I like the song choice, just not how it's mixed into the scene.
--The CGI in the climax here is sloppy. I get that de-aging Sam Jackson the whole time cost money, but Carol looks like Gumby right now.
--Yon-Rogg's final desperation play reminds me too much of how I see a lot of political douchebags act online. This movie really does nail the themes. Bravo!
--Mid-credit scene: Well, that's ominous. Who are these people with Cap?
--Post-credits scene: I guess we're not done with that thing yet, eh?

Executive summary: Good, not great. All the big-picture stuff is fantastic, & Larson has wonderful chemistry with Jackson. But the directors dropped the ball on some significant details that ended up hurting the whole film.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Time for our last big time skip, as we jump ahead another 13-15-ish years to....

Iron Man:
--Tony covers his face before he's injured. Vanity, reliance on his body armor, or understanding of what that weapon does?
--Howard looks very different. But he's dead now, so whatevs.
--Hey, that reporter was on Popular!
--Oh no, Jarvis is a disembodied voice now! And he's Geoffrey Chaucer now!
--Tony has better taste in art than his father did.
--That nasal tube is nauseating.
--Does Tony have a big gap in his sternum now? Wouldn't the waterboarding short out his electromagnet? I have so many questions!!!
--Ten Rings I Hate About You
--Coulson is still around; he must've won some major brownie points back in the 90s.
--Favreau is really skinny in this movie. He wasn't that skinny in Daredevil '03 or Elf.
--Jim Kramer might be one of the most annoying people I've ever seen on TV.
--Unless the new reactor has a built-in magnet, shouldn't Pepper put the old magnet back in? Also, does Gwyneth Paltrow not know what Operation is?
--The control surface check is just a big-ol' vfx flex.
--Hi, Stan as Hugh Hefner!
--The really important question is, at what point is somebody responsible for crimes their subordinates commit against their direct orders?
--The detail on the suit-up sequence is still admirable to this day, but the color grading is off.
--Those shoulder-mount turrets are a delight.
--Rhodey is such a doormat in this movie. He just has no bite to him, no agency. He can't even sound realistically upset. How did this guy get to be a colonel?
--SHE TYPES IN THE WORD "TRANSLATE".
--Stane's lead scientist is just upset about shooting his eye out as a child.
--Pepper put that reactor in with her bare hands; Stane needs a special tool to cut through Tony's shirt & remove it. What a loser. Yet, the Iron Monger abides.
--"I built this company from nothing!" Dude, I just watched 15 hours of proof to the contrary.
--Why is the same situation room monitoring an active war zone in Iran also watching downtown LA?
--Good, the reactor is still working; now Tony won't die...in a week.
--Coulson playing coy with the agency's name was smart; Tony would've probably recognized "SHIELD" as his father's work.
--Post-Credit Scene: Looks like plans are starting to come together.

Executive summary: Still holds up as an excellent film. 'Nuff said.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

The next 3 films overlap with each other, but this one starts first.
Luckily, I have most of the MCU on disk, because this is one of the few pieces that isn't available on streaming.

The Incredible Hulk:
--Squeezing the whole origin into the opening credits is pretty smart for a character with such a publicly-known origin.
--Sesame Street is the universal language.
--You're half-right, Bruce; hangry is a thing.
--Hi, Stan!
--Mr. Orange just killed the dog!
--Ross just sent those men to their deaths.
--All these years later, the goverment is *still* trying to recreate the serum? Dang, son.
--Nice use of the sad walking away music.
--"As far as I'm concerned" isn't your call, General. You don't get to own people.
--Poor Bruce, Betty went & found herself a modern family.
--Oh, look, it's the Hulk, & he's being bribed with pizza.
--Ross makes his own kid call him "General"?
--Ross has his heavy artillery in a moving vehicle firing on a moving target with more of his own men behind it. Then he orders his gunship to open fire on the Hulk with his own daughter right there. And he blames Banner for all of it.
--Blonsky actually plays the first round smart, jumping up so the sonic blast will just knock himself clear right away. But then he walks up & taunts the Hulk.
--HULK SMASH PUNY THUNDER.
--BETTY SMASH PUNY CABBIE.
--That's not what "integer" means, Pendanski.
--"You made him a fugitive to cover your failures & to protect your career." Remember these words.
--Hulk just broke off Abomination's elbow spike & stabbed him with it. Why do people not like this movie again?
--Post...um, PRE-Credit Scene: Finally, somebody in this movie who isn't afraid of General Ross.

Executive summary: Deeply underrated. It has a different tone than the other films because it should. Norton's work on the screenplay certainly didn't hurt the finished product, but his poor teamwork skills still speak to why he didn't stick around.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

These 3 overlapping films are collectively referred to as "Fury's Big Week" (which is also the title of a non-canon tie-in comic that I've never seen), because he & his crew are running back & forth dealing with multiple issues all at the same time. While Ross is chasing Banner back home, more Stark-related shenanigans are afoot....

Iron Man 2:
--I hate that streaming services remove a movies' own translation subtitles & then blend their own translation subtitles with the regular closed-captioning.
--Wait, Anton Vanko? I remember that guy from Agent Carter. His son Ivan was able to build this in an APARTMENT! With a BOX OF SCRAPS!
--I'm presuming "6 months later" means 6 months after the last thing we saw, Vanko building his suit, because modifiers should always be placed as close as possible to the thing they're describing.
--Who has a vuvuzela at this science expo?
--Howard looks like he's gained weight...vertically.
--Olivia Munn! I didn't realize Attack of the Show was MCU canon!
--Hi, Stan as Larry King!
--Hammer just said exactly nothing.
--Rhodey looks like he's lost weight...vertically.
--Tony's blood toxicity is rising ridiculously quickly.
--Tony threw out his government weapons contract in IM1 & he's now tanked Hammer's contract in this movie. Nicely done.
--Nothing says "personal vengeance" like murdering 3 complete strangers without cause.
--Hammer's complete lack of situational awareness is gonna get him in big trouble.
--What is the deal with drunk rich people & breaking stuff?
--Jackson's delivery of "southwest region" bugs me.
--"Think this is the power source!?" This dude is such an idiot.
--"Mute" is the correct response to Bill O'Reilly.
--The atom reveal is really cool. But remember, kids, never build a particle accelerator in your basement.
--Hammer's presentation is dumb as hell. The different-colored drones don't seem to have any relevance to their branches, & War Machine is obviously an Iron Man suit that Hammer is claiming authorship of. If I was in that audience, I'd almost be relieved to have to flee for my life.
--If there was just the one guard, Happy actually would've had this covered.
--Post-Credit Scene: Basically repeated in Thor 1, so skip it.

Executive summary: Suffers from glut. Every indivdual scene in the movie is good; they just don't all belong together in the same film.


Marvel One-Shot "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor's Hammer"
--Powdered donuts are a huge mess; you don't want that all over your suit & car.
--That bag of flour is essentially a 2-pound brick.
--Directed by "Leythum"?

Executive summary: Nice bit of wacky hijinx. Nice connective material between the 2 films that sandwich it.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

We finish out Fury's Big Week by following Agent Coulson on his trip to New Mexico.


Thor:
--Right off the bat, diggin' the Dutch angles.
--Tonsberg again, eh?
--Odin's prologue is so cool.
--"I, Odin Allfather, proclaim you...the Frost Giants!"
--Thor: *flips table*. My wife: "What a waste of food." Volstagg: *enters & agrees*.
--Odin was right not to finish the coronation; Thor's plan is incredibly stupid.
--Every time Selvig yells "Jane!", my brain fills in "Stop this crazy thing!"
--Hi, Stan!
--Ope, Iron Man 2 just arrived.
--Hogun figures the whole dang thing out barely a third of the way into the film.
--Odin hates talking to Loki so much that he just sits down & falls asleep in the middle of it.
--Thor's been in New Mexico for 1 night & he's already more humble.
--Selvig knows Banner?
--Coulson specifically said "with a gun," Barton.
--That jump kick was something special.
--Loki, even if you were worthy, why would your astral-projected self be able to lift it?
--Laufey's castle looks like a cathedral.
--Loki's telling Heimdall tonight's forecast: a FREEZE is coming.
--Nobody tried saying "Klaatu barada nikto"?
--People talk about Loki being the best part of this film, but Hiddleston is still very much trying to figure out the character. For example, here he struggles to find an option between "blow up a planet to make father proud even though father clearly said he doesn't want that" and "fall into space & die."
--Kepler would have an aneurysm looking at Asgard.
--Verdict on Thor's buddies: Sif & Hogun are interesting; Fandral & Volstagg are annoying.
--This butt-rock over the credits is terrible.
--Post-Credit Scene: Genuinely good scene, nice hook for the next film, & doesn't get repeated.

Executive summary: Branagh did some genuinely interesting & enjoyable things here, but the Thor series still has some wrinkles to iron out to make its mark.


Marvel One-Shot "The Consultant":
--Good way to tie up the presence of a gamma monster just laying on the ground at the end of TIH.
--Sitwell is very skeezy. I'll bet he does make a great patsy.
--Did some research, & "Leythum" is German commercial & short director Abdulkareem (Abed) Abonamous.

Executive summary: This was pleasant, but it was effectively just the REAL post-credit scene for Incredible Hulk.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Alright, guys, let's bring 'em together!


The Avengers:
--Shut up, Wesley.
--I am burdoned with glorious porpoise.
--Banner sure looks different.
--This is the 4th time I've seen Steve crash that plane since I started this rewatch.
--It took me a few watches to realize "I'm actually out" was just a joke that he was physically standing outdoors.
--Coulson's fanboying is cute. Banner's self-deprecation is oddly comforting.
--Thor is the last main character to appear, 43 minutes into the film.
--Ravens. Odin's watching.
--That Loki just sits here & watches them fight instead of escaping should be a big red flag.
--Mjolnir vs Vibranium: Unmovable object meets unmovable object.
--Gonna break character to say: Poor Galaga guy.
--All these argument/debate/interrogation scenes in this are really good. That's Whedon at work right there.
--Hill specifically said "don't get too close", you dumb pilot.
--Coulson gets 2 great speeches as he lays dying.
--It's gotta sting for Hill to be standing right there when Fury makes his "lost my one good eye" comment.
--Harry Dean Stanton is in this movie.
--Isn't that waitress the little girl from Growing Pains? Cap will show her that smile again.
--Wait, Sousa? Maybe his grandson or something?
--Thor on the Chrysler building is an awe-inspiring visual, but the long tracking shot is even better.
--"Puny god." Loki's original plan involved aiming the Hulk away from himself. Now that's blown up in his face.
--Selvig wasn't even fighting his brainwashing; he was just following good scientific design.
--Nice detail: Hawkeye can be seen reclaiming several arrows throughout the battle, not just the last one he uses for his grappling line.
--Why do they all just die when the mothership explodes?
--Hi, Stan!
--Mid-credit scene: If anyone's into "courting death", it's this guy.
--Getting sick of this butt-rock over the credits. We got AC/DC earlier in the film, & now you're making me settle for Soundgarden? Just play "Escape from the City" already & get it over with; you know you want to.
--Post-credit scene: Shawarma.

Executive summary: An absolute blast. Gripping character dynamics, really well-designed action, love it.
(P.S. Disney+ is still pretty dang glitchy.)


Marvel One-Shot "Item 47":
--Benny & Claire, ha, I get it.
--Mis-naming Sitwell as Coulson is a bit forced; we've met Sitwell a couple times already.
--Post-Credit Scene: Claire displayed strategical & accountancy skills; surely she can do *something* else.

Executive summary: Certain critics have attacked a lack of consequences in this franchise. Clearly they haven't been paying attention to the whole thing.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Phase 1 of this project included 7 films, 18 episodes (2 seasons of 1 series), & 4 shorts.
Phase 2 includes 7 more films, 70 episodes (4 seasons of 3 series), 1 short, & a webseries.
Phase 3 will include 9 films, 1 short, 3 webseries, & I'm not even gonna count the episodes.
But we're just starting phase 2....


Iron Man 3:
--The singer from Eiffel65 can't pronounce Rs or Ls.
--Why do people think sales pitches like Killian's are effective?
--The Happy-ning.
--The thing that has always bugged me about Mark 42: How do all the pieces function before they're connected to the reactor?
--"Iron Patriot" is still a very silly name.
--Killian, *anything* looks like the universe if you pixelate it.
--Tony is actually admitting his problems to somebody in the first act; I call that character growth. But maybe you fix your psychological issues *before* you embed mental remote controls in your arm?
--Slap Chop is MCU canon.
--Cell phone "reporter" douche deserved worse than he got.
--Jarvis, Tennessee is pretty big.
--I love that Tony refuses to get sappy with this kid.
--Robert Downey Jr. IS Iron McGuyver.
--Shooting the Roxxon guy should've been a dead giveaway (heh); a real terrorist doesn't want it to be known that he's not gonna make good on his promises until *after* he gets what he wants.
--Hi, Stan!
--Trevor's girls remind me of Brecky & Brecky's friend.
--This twist really is brilliant. Military industrialists make the most sense thematically for Iron Man villains, not random foreign terrorists.
--Maya, just because you're allowed to leave the dungeon doesn't mean you're not IN a dungeon.
--Killian is making several stupid moves here. For one thing, now that Pepper's been injected, Tony's cooperation is in fact irrelevant to her survival. And until he's secured Tony's cooperation, killing Maya is intensely dangerous.
--In fact, Guy Pearce's stilted performance is the worst thing about this film. And I'm saying that about a movie with James Badge Dale in it.
--Poor Vice President Douchebag's granddaughter; she is gonna have the biggest guilt trip ever after this.
--The pararescue scene is one of the coolest moments in any superhero movie.
--The War Machine suit needs massive security overhauls.
--I'd complain about the Iron Legion suits getting torn apart so easily, but they were hastily thrown together by a man who wasn't sleeping & exposed to a heat signature over half as strong as the sun.
--Pepper gets her 2nd kill. She deserves it; Killian is as much a creeper as those pilots who used to harass Carol.
--The subtle bookend callbacks & the IM1/IM2 clips in the credits are nice.
--Post-credit scene: Tony should know by now not to disrupt Bruce's temperament.

Executive summary: Better than IM2, not as good as IM1. Nice twists, points for originality. You can tell Maya was supposed to be the villain; everything about Killian is just so...extra.


Marvel One-Shot "All Hail the King":
--Trevor is making out like gangbusters in prison.
--So, the dude who confronts Trevor is credited as "White Power Dave", & I think that pretty much sums it up.
--I hope that's not the last time I see a monkey drinking vodka.
--Herman made a good showing of himself.
--OH SNAP THERE'S A REAL MANDARIN.
--"Scoot McNairy"?
--Mid-credit scene: Huh, I wonder if Hammer was caught up when the Ten Rings raided the place for Trevor?

Executive summary: The best of the one-shots, in part for its atmosphere, in part for Ben Kingsley's performance. It's got tough competition from "Carter" & "A Funny Thing", though.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

After working out my viewing sequence, it turns out that I never have a stretch of more than 10 AoS episodes at a time (until season 6), & most are less...

Agents of SHIELD season 1, part 1:

#1.01 "Pilot":
--So this guy is like a Sony-free Spider-Man?
--Hill's exposition dump is kinda cheesy.
--Shepherd Book is in this show.
--Mulan is in this show.
--Pegasus? That was Mar-Vell's project; how does Skye know about that when the people who worked on it didn't know about it?
--That's a clever way to gain somebody's trust.
--"It's a magical place" is gonna be a thing, isn't it?
--Another failed serum is gonna be a thing, isn't it?
--Extremis again; we're leaping *right* off of IM3.
--This long slow montage of smiling is annoying.
--Howard Stark's flying car tech returns. Nice.
--The Mutant Enemy logo always puts a smile on my face.
--Overall: Network pilot episodes are always awkward. This one's pretty good.

#1.02 "084":
--The dialogue in this episode is really bad.
--The fights in this one are shot horribly. What happened? The fights in the pilot were good!
--The actress playing Reyes is awful.
--That dohickey Ward just used was from the movie Serenity. In fact, come to think of it, the Bus's internal layout is *very* similar to a Firefly.
--Heh, their call number is 616.
--The raft thing reminds me of Snakes on a Plane. Hmm...
--If Ward mentions that he was trained to be the complete solution one more gorram time, I swear.
--Why are they talking about "if Skye wants to be an agent"? She has expressed no such interest.
--Ditching the laser via SCP-1543-J.
--They've gotta quit these sappy music montages at the end of each episode.
--...I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHER****ING HOLES IN MY MOTHER****ING PLANE!

#1.03 "The Asset":
--See, it's funny 'cause his name is Mack & he drives a truck.
--Ward's obviously lying about the truth serum; he passed out from the drug.
--"Recognize the design"? Yeah, it's a gyroscope; the only special thing about it is what's inside.
--Quinn is the perfect sleazy billionaire douchebag, & I just watched Iron Man 2 & saw Justin Hammer in that.
--Gravitonium is now the 2nd new element introduced in this franchise. Gravitonium is given atomic number 123; the table currently stops at 118 & is unlikely to go further.
--I had to rewind to get a closer look at Skye's...escape.
--The "rust" hint is a little too obvious to be true; Coulson definitely isn't a robot.
--Oooh, Hall's comin' back at some point.
--This was a massive improvement over the previous episode, albeit still a tad clunky.

#1.04 "Eye Spy":
--These red-mask douchebags would never get away with walking around like that in reality; the cops would be all over them.
--An international jewel thief? Ladies, ladies, ladies, Jay & Silent Bob are in the HIZ-OUSE!
--SHIELD's skepticism towards psychic abilities seems silly given the setting.
--Gosh, I forgot Flickr was a thing.
--How does "backscatter" describe an x-ray?
--"Remember you have man hands"...& also *white* hands.
--We didn't need to see the injection.
--I recognize most of that math notation. The last thing that catches Ward's attention isn't math...at least not Earth math.
--The handler's fate is nightmarish.
--They're starting to smooth over the exposition (mostly by giving as much of it to Coulson as possible; Clark Gregg can make a tech manual sound casual & naturalistic).

#1.05 "The Girl in the Flower Dress":
--Hey, it's Oscar nominee Ruth Negga!
--How'd this guy manifest his powers?
--"Do you recognize the name Steve Rogers?" What if he'd said yes?
--Raina & Scorch are really engaging.
--Miles & Skye's argument is incredibly annoying. Skye arguing in favor of police-state tactics makes no sense. The only way Miles comes across as the bad guy is that he's an intensely whiny jerk who is also a total hypocrite (& that he got a guy kidnapped).
--Oooh, Centipede again. We finally have a recurring villain.
--What's the point of killing your source of an important resource?
--Skye's sincere contrition now helps make up for her annoyingness earlier.

#1.06 "F.Z.Z.T.":
--These "Ranger Scout" uniforms actually use real BSA components; I recognize some of the patches.
--FitzSimmons had been struggling to establish personalities (beyond "nerdy" & "Fitz is crushing on Skye"), but just their first scene in this episode has made up for all of it.
--Guys, stop repeating what happened last week; you already have a "previously on" montage.
--Coulson comforting this doomed man is genuinely touching.
--Oh, look, it's the guy in the chair from "Item 47".
--There's genuine suspense here. It's an amazing FitzSimmons episode. Also HOLY CRAP SHE FREAKING JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE.

#1.07 "The Hub":
--The nasal extraction wasn't really needed after I just ate...or before I planned to eat...ever again.
--"Location: Classified" is wearing a little thin.
--That sandwich sounds amazing. And looks amazing (but I would use fresh baby spinach instead of arugala).
--So what was the rock for?
--Why is it so pleasing to watch bad things happen to Sitwell?
--Good on Skye for not blowing her time window.
--Compartmentalizing information makes sense. But not telling a commanding officer the mission specs for agents under his command, or telling the agents themselves what they're supposed to DO, really is inexcusable.
--Gosh, Hand is a douchebag.
--We're getting much better character dynamics now. There's still room for improvement, but things are beginning to fit together, & another recurring story arc is popping up in the mystery of Coulson's revival.

Executive summary: Very clunky & inconsistent beginning, but all Mutant Enemy shows start off that way; the Whedons like to build their foundations very cautiously. Episode 2 was by far the worst, but it's been on an upward climb ever since. We're about to hit our first movie tie-in; let's see how that affects things.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[CaptHayfever]

Last night a new teaser went up for SHIELD S7.
Meanwhile, here I reapproach the nadir of these films:


Thor: The Dark World:
--Another Odin narration is cool.
--The Dark Elves' masks are just adorable. They look like Cabbage Patch dolls.
--A common criticism I hear about this movie is that the villain's motivation doesn't make sense. But the motivation is spelled out clearly: They existed before light, so they view light as a bad thing, & they're trying to get rid of it. Problem is, everything else in the universe will die if they succeed. Very simple & clear conflict.
--Loki attempted the same thing on Earth that Thor attempted on Jotunheim, & Loki wonders why Odin is mad at him?
--Wait, Fandral is Chuck now.
--I don't know how snow is possible in Asgard.
--Jane's date starts off wise & kind, but then he thinks Darcy in an overcoat & scarf is a waitress?
--Natalie Portman doesn't want to be in this movie any more than Jane Foster wants to be on this date.
--Shippingcontainerhenge here is actually pretty clever.
--Now you're thinking with portals!
--Jane getting sucked into the temple to be possessed by the Aether was a huge ripoff of Dana getting sucked into her bedroom to be possessed by Zuul in Ghostbusters.
--Wait, why is Jane wearing metal underwear in this terrible-looking psychedelic trip?
--This love scene is kinda painful. I'm actually glad Darcy interrupted.
--Heimdall casually dodges the car. Nice.
--Ok, Asgard & Midgard are obvious. Jotunheim is the frost giants' world. Svartelheim is the dark elves' world. Vanaheim is where Hogun is from. Alfheim is a word that Thor said earlier. That's 6 out of 9 realms.
--Sure would be nice if we'd gotten to know literally anything about Algrim before his sacrificed his soul to become a mindless weapon. (And did the mask fuse with his face? Why would that be a thing?)
--Frigga's prison visit, on the other hand, is poignant.
--The dark elves' ships are really stupid. Like, I get that a flying blade is scary, but a bunch of vaguely-blade-ish spaceships is just dumb.
--Dark elf weapons are actually very thematically consistent. They shoot dark matter, & their grenades create black-hole implosions.
--Malekith wastes a grenade to destroy an empty chair for no reason. Frigga responds by pinning him to the wall like Mace Windu did Palpatine. Kurse responds by playing Anakin's role in that fight.
--"WITCH!" I'm not a witch; I'm Odin's wife!
--Frigga's funeral is beautiful.
--Hi, Stan!
--Thor essentially wants to use Bor's winning strategy again, while Odin doesn't for some reason.
--Why are we seeing this newscast twice? Why didn't we just see it the one time with Darcy, & *then* show Erik & Stan at the asylum?
--Evans got a kick out of that cameo.
--It's a good thing those don't appear to be structural support columns.
--Don't throw those pills away, Erik, you actually ARE sick.
--How many times in this movie is Jane gonna hover in the air surrounded by swirly stuff?
--Loki & Thor's plan was actually pretty smart. Too bad it has to play out on the most drab-looking planet I've ever seen. Also too bad Thor hasn't figured out that Loki's playing him again.
--How did Erik know which direction to draw the first two lines? Why is that library patron shushing people who are barely even breathing heavy? So many questions!
--Malekith's blade ship sticking up out of the ground looks absurd, & the elevator just makes it worse.
--This final fight is actually really cool. The portals are creative, all the main characters are involved, there's no huge CGI army (just a small practical army), Ian gets to kiss Kat Dennings, & watching Mjolnir trying to keep up with Thor warping between planets is hilarious.
--Oh crap, what happened to Odin?
--Wait, that was the 9th Doctor?
--Even these paint-smear credits look dull & drab.
--Mid-credit scene: This looks like it's important for later.
--Post-credit scene: I guess the agents will be going after that thing? (Also, cheesy kiss scene.)

Executive summary: There are good things here, but they're surrounded by mediocrity. Svartalheim at least had a reason to be so dreary, but everything else was just...bleh. London, Vanaheim, fantasy sequences, even Asgard was bleh. The film is a chore to look at for too long.


And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"