OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUD: where we complain about popular things in media we don't like to feel better about ourselves

[Booyakasha]

Star Wars' main protagonists are Luke, Leia, Han, Ben, Chewie, Wicket and Cindel, far as I'm concerned. (If you have to ask me who Wicket and Cindel are, you can just go sit on a tack.)

[CaptHayfever]

^Is Cindel the other "main" Ewok?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

She's a human, you nerf herder! Her family's star cruiser goes kresh kresh on the forest moon, and so Cindel and Mace Towani (the awesome boss champ) homey up with Wicket and his pals!!

Good lord, man, have you truly never seen the Ewok Adventures? 'Caravan of Courage' and 'Battle for Endor'? What is wrong with you?!? You fool!

...you fool.

[Valigarmander]

She's also queen of the Outworld.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I don't think anyone would classify Chewie as a main protagonist. Well, he did have his own Christmas special or something right? I guess I stand corrected but he's no Starkiller or Anakin regardless.

[Booyakasha]

I gotta admit, a nice rousing "HEY HEY HEY" would have immensely improved Episode I.

I know how to improve Episode I.

Instead of "Duel of the Fates" being part of the soundtrack, right? Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul sing it. Like, the Jedis get out their dumb swords and start in going 'boot doot doodle-oot boot doot doodle-oot boot doot doodle-oot boot doot doodle-oot", and then Darth Maul comes in with a rousing "hyahyahya-hyah myah myah wahaha". Preferably he swings his idiot bo-staff in time to the music, but it's not strictly necessary.

Maybe they could do verbal slams on each other during the choral parts. "DARTH MAUL...EATS CRAP!" "SHUT UP...YOU BOTH SUCK!"

[Booyakasha]

I don't think anyone would classify Chewie as a main protagonist.

But he has that super relatable moment. Han tries to tell him to come back to the dianoga hell monster garbage nightmare smushing death horror room, and Chewie instantly goes "nope nope nope, no thank you''. It's real, man!

[Booyakasha]

Huh.

[Booyakasha]

So when I was younger 'Raiders' was my favourite, but now I like 'Last Crusade' better. I love seeing Indy and Henry interact. I love how different they are, yet also the same. The escape from the castle, wherein Henry is sometimes impressed by Indy, and also sometimes profoundly unimpresssed. The slap, man--------'That's for blasphemy.' It isn't really okay, but...it says a lot, it explains so much. So much unspoken. The implied tragedy of their home life. Henry the believer vs Indy the cynic. The whole 'junior' thing. I swear, you could write a masters thesis about this flick.

(EDIT: I mean...they barely mention Indy's mom, and yet those little ten seconds on the bike say everything, man. Indy looking away, Henry all 'Oh yes she did. Only too well.' Lucas could have learned something from that, instead of startin in on prequels.

(EDIT2: ...I think I might actually like Henry better than Indy. Henry's so odd. Off-kilter, and sort of just...himself, perfected. Indy's so uncomfortable around him. I think it's pretty clear he's always admired his dad, he wants to make him proud, to earn his approval, and at the same time he's desperate to get out of Henry's shadow and be himself. Jeezy petes, like no wonder 'junior' bothers him so much.

(EDIT3: Man. And let's not even talk about Henry schooling Indy in romance. He got into Elsa's britches and fingered her (hehe) for a nazzy before Indy knew she existed. 'She talks in her sleep.' Henry's so damn quick. I mean, I know Connery had already retired, but they really, really should have tried harder to coax him out of retirement for 'Crystal Skull'. It probably still wouldn't have been great, but it would've been better.

...try not to think about what might have been/cuz that was then, and we have taken different roads

[Booyakasha]

...I'm amending my list of 'main star wars protagonists' to include Lando, R2-D2 and C-3PO. I don't care who says different. (And if you argue with me, I'll toss in Wedge and Admiral Ackbar out of pure diabolical spite. Don't test me.)

[Booyakasha]

You know who I like, is Tex Avery. That guy knew how to do a sight gag.

They didn't always come off, but when they did, that's like a guaranteed spit-take and/or laughing fit.

I love Droopy, and that Victor McLaglen-ass goon Spike, and especially the Southern Wolf (sometimes less is more).

[Booyakasha]

I revisited the SW flicks over the last week, what with it being Life Day and all.

The end of 'Jedi' upsets me a hell of a lot more as a gross old man than it ever did when I was a snot-nosed stinky kid. Just...like, the Emperor using Thunderbolt (it's super effective!) on Luke, and Vader's death scene, with Luke crying and all, as though he failed. And that horrible moment, where Luke loses his mind and just starts hacking away at Vader. I mean, the scene is so emotionally charged, like who wouldn't be affected. It's scary. Luke is so close both to victory and defeat. It's so weird, man. I've always seen SW as a kid's thing, and yet Luke finds himself in this weird existentialist dilemma at the end. The only good decision is not to decide. What a razor's edge. Luke hit it it right on the bevel when he threw his sword away and told the Emperor to go eat a grilled go-f*ck-yourself sandwich. That's a teachable moment, man.

I like Luke. I like him just fine. I don't want to see him teetering on the brink of evil, or death, or noble sorrow. I want him to be happy. So I'm glad Yub Nub is right next. Luke burns his crappo dad, and then hangs out with Wedge and Lando and his new Ewok homies. Good for him, man. He deserves to have pals as rad as Wedge and Lando and Han and Wicket and Paploo and Chief Chirpa. What more could any man's jack of us hope for?

[EDIT: How did Luke know? I mean, he just somehow caught on to distrust Obi-Wan and Yoda and seek out his own path, and to heck with the Jedi indoctrination. He must have just smelled a rat in the woodpile. Good for him. Best dude in the saga, no question.)

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Luke is really super boring, just a little goody two shoes. There's nothing to invest in his journey. Anakin's transition to evil was way more fun. Han and Vader were way more interesting, but I guess we gotta get these nice guy characters, they're like glue holding everything together.

[Booyakasha]

Which part of Anakin's turn to the dark side is fun? Is it the part where he betrays and murders everyone in his life who ever helped, trusted and loved him, or the part where he betrays and murders everyone else?

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I'd argue both, but mostly the latter if I had to choose.

[I am nobody]

I like the part where he dunks on sand.

[smol Kat]

^It's coarse and rough and it gets everywhere.

[Booyakasha]

I like the part where Obi-Wan chops all Anakin's arms and legs off whilst cackling maniacally. "You were my brother, Anakin! Now? Now you're a throw rug! Myah hah hah hah!" Then he gives him the finger.

And I also like when Palpatine tells Anakin Padme is dead just because even he doesn't have an ounce of respect for the little fink.

[I am nobody]

I like the part which currently represents the racing of pods, as opposed to the mere facsimile of racing pods presented a moment before.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I like the part where Obi-Wan chops all Anakin's arms and legs off whilst cackling maniacally. "You were my brother, Anakin! Now? Now you're a throw rug! Myah hah hah hah!" Then he gives him the finger.

And I also like when Palpatine tells Anakin Padme is dead just because even he doesn't have an ounce of respect for the little fink.

That remind me of MeatCanyon's "Hard to convince Anakin Skywalker 2", you'd get a chuckle.