I requested a battle with you, and you were gracious enough to accept, so here it is! This is a standard-rule Gunjin battle, meaning posts must be a minimum of 2-3 paragaphs long, no godmodding, and absolutely NO help from either side! So, let's get this show on the road, shall we?
The Battlefield shall be Generic City, which I just made up on the spot :p . I'll be using my character Goofball McChuckles:
Name: Goofball McChuckles.
Age: Chronologically 74, but looks to be in his mid 30's.
Gender: Male.
Race: Pretty much a living, breathing cartoon character, though he appears human.
Height: 5'8.
Weight: ?????
Appearance: Dresses somewhat like the stereotypical 1920s gentleman, with a tall black top hat on his head, a black tuxedo, and white spats. However, that's where the similarity ends, as he also wears one of those novelty Groucho Marx disguises you find in a prank store, large, prominent buck teeth always sticking out of his mouth, and almost always has an insane smile on his face. To put it frankly, he looks weird.
Powers and Abilities:
Able to pull objects out of Hammerspace.
When someone tells him he isn't funny, he turns into a Hulk-esque behemoth and gains incredible strength. However, he mainly relies on cartoon-style reality warping and slapstick to fight his opponents.
Decades of being insane have affected several parts of his brain, namely the part that makes him feel pain. In other words, you'd have to hit him pretty damn hard for him to feel it, and even if you did hit him hard enough, he'd probably enjoy it.
Weapons: A vast assortment of novelty gag items.
Bio:
One afternoon on May 24th, 1934, a cartoonist was working hard in his studio. Just as he was about to draw his latest cartoon, he discovered he was out of ink, so he went to his shelf of drawing tools to find some more. Unfortunately, the near-sighted cartoonist grabbed a bottle of magic ink by mistake, and no sooner had he just finished drawing his newest creation did it magically come to life! Thus, Goofball McChuckles was born. Unfortunately, Goofball was very much insane, and he terrorized the entire town for many days, until finally, he was captured and put in the local mental hospital, where he remained for decades. As for the cartoonist, he was declared a menace to society and executed. One night on September 3rd, 2008, Goofball escaped from the mental hospital and left town. As he was leaving, he saw a poster for Gunjin, where warriors from all around the world fought each other to see who was the best. Goofball figured this would be a good place to cause mischief, so he decided to join.
Note: In case you couldn't already tell, this character is based off of Golden Age-era cartoon characters, specifically, Looney Tunes.
I'll allow you to make the first post.
Metal Man, It's time we fought.
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Metal Man
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It had been a little bit since his last battle. Metal Man's, that is.
The Man of Steel had no interest in fighting again. However, while warping from time to time... he once again happened onto a strange intersection. Instead of left and right, both sides had become enmeshed. Metal Man stopped, scratching the side of his helmet (and making a hideous metallic scraping noise while doing so.)
"What the hell? This isn't supposed to be this way." He crossed his arm and began to look for another way around.
But it was not to be, as he heard the footsteps of... Time Cops.
"What... no. They've found me here?"
A distant, aged voice yelled down the hall. "Ahah! I've got you now--nobody in their right mind would enter that mess!"
"Really? Good!" Metal Man leaped directly into the bizarro hallway, his metallic body meshing into the surreal tile-coated fog that was that way. The coachman walked down and shook a fist at it.
"DAMN! It'll take me another week to find him! Why did I have to be so stupid..." The Coachman trailed off, shaking his head. His black robes dragged on the inter-reality subway tile as he walked back the way he came.
Meanwhile, Metal Man had just flown out of a portal into some strange world he had never bargained on. Indeed--what he saw was not a good sign. It was a sign that said 'Generic City.' Metal Man stared at it intensely, as if his blue eyes could somehow set it on fire and make the hideous name go away.
"What... what kind of person names a city 'Generic City'? Gah... why did I go here? Now I've probably fallen into some lame half-reality filled with nonsense!" The man shook his head, and walked into the city--for the edges of the city were only drawn in sketchy pencil, and Metal Man hadn't trusted how the lines bent when he stood on them.
As Metal Man entered the technicolor, vague 1950'sish city, he scoffed. "What is this... some sort of joke?" He knocked over a trash can, and a banana peel flew in his way. Metal took out his pistol and violently shot the banana peel to bits. "No... no! I do NOT fall for those kinds of tricks!"
The cartoon people, who approximated both stock artwork of humans and various cartoon animals, stared in confusion as the realistically rendered Metal Man blew up the banana peel. Why, a cartoonish 'BOOM' cloud appeared where it had been and left a small crater, instead of a normal one. Metal Man coughed from the smoke, then carried on. And so did the rest of the city.
As various cars straight out of catalogues and concept drawings drove by on the busy and generic '1st avenue', Metal Man pointed around with his pointer finger, as if something was hidden here. "Now... there has to be a real exit somewhere..." He tapped his time device. Unfortunately, it was still overloaded--the red LEDs flickered endlessly--and so he was stuck here for a while. Unless he could find an exit.
He was about to give up and sit down when he saw something ELSE happen--a poster on the wall advertising the Gunjin glowed, and suddenly, somebody stepped out of it. Metal Man pointed his gun at them and made his gravelly threats to the newcomer.
"All right, who are you, and what is this Gunjin? Tell me now, before I reduce you into a pile smaller than what remains of Miss Cleo's fortune!" He wasn't taking no for an answer, either, as a comical 'CLICK!' noise made it obvious the gun was cocked and loaded.
But what would a deranged cartoon say to a deranged time-travelling fugitive maniac?
The Man of Steel had no interest in fighting again. However, while warping from time to time... he once again happened onto a strange intersection. Instead of left and right, both sides had become enmeshed. Metal Man stopped, scratching the side of his helmet (and making a hideous metallic scraping noise while doing so.)
"What the hell? This isn't supposed to be this way." He crossed his arm and began to look for another way around.
But it was not to be, as he heard the footsteps of... Time Cops.
"What... no. They've found me here?"
A distant, aged voice yelled down the hall. "Ahah! I've got you now--nobody in their right mind would enter that mess!"
"Really? Good!" Metal Man leaped directly into the bizarro hallway, his metallic body meshing into the surreal tile-coated fog that was that way. The coachman walked down and shook a fist at it.
"DAMN! It'll take me another week to find him! Why did I have to be so stupid..." The Coachman trailed off, shaking his head. His black robes dragged on the inter-reality subway tile as he walked back the way he came.
Meanwhile, Metal Man had just flown out of a portal into some strange world he had never bargained on. Indeed--what he saw was not a good sign. It was a sign that said 'Generic City.' Metal Man stared at it intensely, as if his blue eyes could somehow set it on fire and make the hideous name go away.
"What... what kind of person names a city 'Generic City'? Gah... why did I go here? Now I've probably fallen into some lame half-reality filled with nonsense!" The man shook his head, and walked into the city--for the edges of the city were only drawn in sketchy pencil, and Metal Man hadn't trusted how the lines bent when he stood on them.
As Metal Man entered the technicolor, vague 1950'sish city, he scoffed. "What is this... some sort of joke?" He knocked over a trash can, and a banana peel flew in his way. Metal took out his pistol and violently shot the banana peel to bits. "No... no! I do NOT fall for those kinds of tricks!"
The cartoon people, who approximated both stock artwork of humans and various cartoon animals, stared in confusion as the realistically rendered Metal Man blew up the banana peel. Why, a cartoonish 'BOOM' cloud appeared where it had been and left a small crater, instead of a normal one. Metal Man coughed from the smoke, then carried on. And so did the rest of the city.
As various cars straight out of catalogues and concept drawings drove by on the busy and generic '1st avenue', Metal Man pointed around with his pointer finger, as if something was hidden here. "Now... there has to be a real exit somewhere..." He tapped his time device. Unfortunately, it was still overloaded--the red LEDs flickered endlessly--and so he was stuck here for a while. Unless he could find an exit.
He was about to give up and sit down when he saw something ELSE happen--a poster on the wall advertising the Gunjin glowed, and suddenly, somebody stepped out of it. Metal Man pointed his gun at them and made his gravelly threats to the newcomer.
"All right, who are you, and what is this Gunjin? Tell me now, before I reduce you into a pile smaller than what remains of Miss Cleo's fortune!" He wasn't taking no for an answer, either, as a comical 'CLICK!' noise made it obvious the gun was cocked and loaded.
But what would a deranged cartoon say to a deranged time-travelling fugitive maniac?
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OOC: Generic City isn't a cartoon city, it's just your everyday metropolis, like New York. Just making sure you know. Also, I apologize if my posts are a little short, especially compared to yours. I've never been one for exceptionally long paragraphs.
The cartoon man looked up at the metallic monster, and flashed him a smile, with his large buck-teeth jutting out of his mouth. "Hello, there, are you my new playmate? I'm Goofball McChuckles, what's yours?" he said excitedly as he walked up and shook Metal Man's right hand at a rate rivaling Mach 1 speeds. Goofball then pulled his hand back and shivered. "BBBBBBBRRRRRRR!!!! Your hands are colder than my ex-wife's heart!" the cartoon madman remarked as he tried to retain his hand's warmth.
Metal Man was not amused, however, and he pointed his gun directly at his opponent's head, his finger right on the trigger. Goofball's face quickly turned into a frown, and looked up at the Man of Steel. "Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to point things at people?" the cartoon madman remarked in a scolding manner. Then, just as the Man of Steel pulled the trigger back, Goofball shoved his index finger inside the barrel of the gun, making a deafening "KABOOM!!!!" sound as the gun exploded into small shrapnel, sending both fighters flying back in opposite directions, still concious, but slightly black and smoky from the large explosion.
Goofball quickly got up to his feet and smiled with almost childlike glee. "That was fun! Let's do it again!" the cartoon madman squealed to Metal Man, jumping up and down on the Man of Steel's chest.
The cartoon man looked up at the metallic monster, and flashed him a smile, with his large buck-teeth jutting out of his mouth. "Hello, there, are you my new playmate? I'm Goofball McChuckles, what's yours?" he said excitedly as he walked up and shook Metal Man's right hand at a rate rivaling Mach 1 speeds. Goofball then pulled his hand back and shivered. "BBBBBBBRRRRRRR!!!! Your hands are colder than my ex-wife's heart!" the cartoon madman remarked as he tried to retain his hand's warmth.
Metal Man was not amused, however, and he pointed his gun directly at his opponent's head, his finger right on the trigger. Goofball's face quickly turned into a frown, and looked up at the Man of Steel. "Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to point things at people?" the cartoon madman remarked in a scolding manner. Then, just as the Man of Steel pulled the trigger back, Goofball shoved his index finger inside the barrel of the gun, making a deafening "KABOOM!!!!" sound as the gun exploded into small shrapnel, sending both fighters flying back in opposite directions, still concious, but slightly black and smoky from the large explosion.
Goofball quickly got up to his feet and smiled with almost childlike glee. "That was fun! Let's do it again!" the cartoon madman squealed to Metal Man, jumping up and down on the Man of Steel's chest.
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Metal Man
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Metal Man wiped the smudge from his visor, seeing the only cartoon thing left was the 'thing' jumping on his chest. In the confusion, the thing had thought the gun was destroyed--but it had merely flown out of the Man of Steel's hand and lodged itself in a concrete wall. No matter, he thought, now that I see that I'm not trapped in some hideous borderworld... I can deal with something too dumb to realize the strength of my chest armor.
The cartoon being leaped up and down on Metal Man's chest, but the powerful armor was too strong to really do much than get a little scuffed. On the 95th repetition of this useless jumping, the cold hands of ex-wife crushing grasped firmly around the ankles of the maniac cartoon. He stared down, wondering what had happened, but all he saw was the sun reflecting in a perfectly blue Plexiglas visor.
The next few seconds were a blur, but to the outside viewer (in this case, a large number of generic citizens who were generically horrified at this very ungeneric happening) they saw the Man of steel almost float off the ground and back standing, while the cartoon character whose ankles he had grabbed made a number of horrifying cracking noises. Why, it was those cold hands crushing the cartoon man's ankles.
"Really now, you think you can kill me with a few jokes? I AM A COSMIC JOKE, YOU FOOL!!!"
The cartoon creature struggled to get free, but it was in vain, as Metal Man swung him into a wall... and through it... with a sickening CRASSHHHH!!! The smell of ink and concrete bits flying around filled the air, while Metal Man's suit released a cloud of steam. Sitting in the destroyed wall's pile of debris was Goofball, who Metal Man stared at with an intense glare. "What are you going to do... die on me?" Metal Man laughed racuously...
*CLANGG!!!* But the cartoon man had no interest in this--he kicked Metal Man right upside the chin, and with a cartoony sound effect, Metal Man stumbled back and then wiped the strangely appearing cartoon swirls which had temporarily blocked his vision. "Well, okay, if you want to play it that way."
The dinging of a hotdog stand was heard--a hapless vendor had rolled in behind Metal Man. The cartoon character made to throw a chunk of concrete at Metal Man, but he caught it and crushed it into powder. Then he looked to the slightly heavyset hotdog cart owner, who was already looking quite shocked that there was a cartoon maniac and a science-fiction maniac both before him, fighting one another.
The metallic gravelly voice was snappy. "Sorry, but, in the interests of interdimensional peace, please run away screaming like a little girl." The mad man's evil grin drove the man away, leaving the cart in Metal Man's hands.
The Cartoon man had seen this as the perfect opportunity, and so he ran at Metal Man, gun 'exploding' finger ready to break something else.
So he was shocked when he found his finger stuck in a hot-dog bun by Metal Man. "What, I don't think a gun will work against you. But.." Metal Man put onion, pickles, ketchup, and mustard on the cartoon character's finger. "I am pretty hungry..." The Cartoon man did not take this, though--he swung his free hand, cracking Metal Man's visor. Metal Man cursed and then slammed the finger, bun and all, into the boiling water inside the cart.
Then he took a bite out of the cartoon man's finger, spit it out and ripped the gun from the wall, and shot the finger fragment to pieces!?!?!
Metal Man's visor hinge squeaked awkwardly, the sudden appearance of razor sharp fake 'teeth' on it and the accompanying madness had disoriented the comedic cartoon character, not to mention all the shiny sun reflections on Metal Man's suit were really blinding him from this angle.
The Man of Steel reloaded his gun, as he stared into the Cartoon man's eyes. Even to this Cartoon Man, he could see--Metal Man's eyes were that of a deranged serial killer--one who had seen things too horrible to describe. Eyes that were cold and dark... and yet, completely insane.
The Man's face wrinkled as he chucked his gun over his shoulder. "So. Going to try to blow up my gun again? Be my guest, because I'm still hungry."
The people in the area had already vacated the radius around the two characters, but that line sent the few idiotic lookey-loos packing. As police sirens wailed...
...Metal Man took out the bottle of ketchup again, and gave the cartoon a murderous look.
The cartoon being leaped up and down on Metal Man's chest, but the powerful armor was too strong to really do much than get a little scuffed. On the 95th repetition of this useless jumping, the cold hands of ex-wife crushing grasped firmly around the ankles of the maniac cartoon. He stared down, wondering what had happened, but all he saw was the sun reflecting in a perfectly blue Plexiglas visor.
The next few seconds were a blur, but to the outside viewer (in this case, a large number of generic citizens who were generically horrified at this very ungeneric happening) they saw the Man of steel almost float off the ground and back standing, while the cartoon character whose ankles he had grabbed made a number of horrifying cracking noises. Why, it was those cold hands crushing the cartoon man's ankles.
"Really now, you think you can kill me with a few jokes? I AM A COSMIC JOKE, YOU FOOL!!!"
The cartoon creature struggled to get free, but it was in vain, as Metal Man swung him into a wall... and through it... with a sickening CRASSHHHH!!! The smell of ink and concrete bits flying around filled the air, while Metal Man's suit released a cloud of steam. Sitting in the destroyed wall's pile of debris was Goofball, who Metal Man stared at with an intense glare. "What are you going to do... die on me?" Metal Man laughed racuously...
*CLANGG!!!* But the cartoon man had no interest in this--he kicked Metal Man right upside the chin, and with a cartoony sound effect, Metal Man stumbled back and then wiped the strangely appearing cartoon swirls which had temporarily blocked his vision. "Well, okay, if you want to play it that way."
The dinging of a hotdog stand was heard--a hapless vendor had rolled in behind Metal Man. The cartoon character made to throw a chunk of concrete at Metal Man, but he caught it and crushed it into powder. Then he looked to the slightly heavyset hotdog cart owner, who was already looking quite shocked that there was a cartoon maniac and a science-fiction maniac both before him, fighting one another.
The metallic gravelly voice was snappy. "Sorry, but, in the interests of interdimensional peace, please run away screaming like a little girl." The mad man's evil grin drove the man away, leaving the cart in Metal Man's hands.
The Cartoon man had seen this as the perfect opportunity, and so he ran at Metal Man, gun 'exploding' finger ready to break something else.
So he was shocked when he found his finger stuck in a hot-dog bun by Metal Man. "What, I don't think a gun will work against you. But.." Metal Man put onion, pickles, ketchup, and mustard on the cartoon character's finger. "I am pretty hungry..." The Cartoon man did not take this, though--he swung his free hand, cracking Metal Man's visor. Metal Man cursed and then slammed the finger, bun and all, into the boiling water inside the cart.
Then he took a bite out of the cartoon man's finger, spit it out and ripped the gun from the wall, and shot the finger fragment to pieces!?!?!
Metal Man's visor hinge squeaked awkwardly, the sudden appearance of razor sharp fake 'teeth' on it and the accompanying madness had disoriented the comedic cartoon character, not to mention all the shiny sun reflections on Metal Man's suit were really blinding him from this angle.
The Man of Steel reloaded his gun, as he stared into the Cartoon man's eyes. Even to this Cartoon Man, he could see--Metal Man's eyes were that of a deranged serial killer--one who had seen things too horrible to describe. Eyes that were cold and dark... and yet, completely insane.
The Man's face wrinkled as he chucked his gun over his shoulder. "So. Going to try to blow up my gun again? Be my guest, because I'm still hungry."
The people in the area had already vacated the radius around the two characters, but that line sent the few idiotic lookey-loos packing. As police sirens wailed...
...Metal Man took out the bottle of ketchup again, and gave the cartoon a murderous look.
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Goofball was in quite a bit of pain, seeing as his finger got bitten off. However, he retained his smile, and grabbed a conviently placed bottle of mustard, and squeezed with all his might. Much to his luck, a large spray of the thick, strong-smelling liquid covered itself in Metal Man's visor, temporarily blinding the Man of Steel. Goofball saw his chance, and pulled a large novelty pencil out of hammerspace, brought it to his finger stump, and drew a new finger on it, the new appendage instantly forming.
The cartoon madman didn't stop there, as he snapped his fingers together, causing a large, black anvil to appear above Metal Man's head. Goofball then tugged at the Man of Steel's hand, and when Metal Man wiped the mustard off his visor to glare at Goofball, the cartoon madman pointed directly above him, and when Metal Man looked up, the anvil slammed onto his face with a sick-sounding THUD. Metal Man didn't even have time to whistle Dixie at the speed the anvil hit his head, and he fell down onto the hard concrete sidewalk. However, the Man of Steel quickly got back to his feet, albeit with a badly cracked visor and a bloody nose. Metal Man then proceeded to chase Goofball through the generic street, his metallic legs making a loud clanging sound every time they touched the hot asphalt. Goofball knew he couldn't just keep running from him forever, he had to do something.
And something he did.
Goofball intentionally started to slow down so that Metal Man was getting closer and closer to catching him, until the cartoon madman was standing still. He then put his left foot out just as Metal Man was about to catch him, causing the Man of Steel to trip over him and send him slamming into a wall. "Have a nice trip, have a good fall!" Goofball quipped to Metal Man.
The cartoon madman didn't stop there, as he snapped his fingers together, causing a large, black anvil to appear above Metal Man's head. Goofball then tugged at the Man of Steel's hand, and when Metal Man wiped the mustard off his visor to glare at Goofball, the cartoon madman pointed directly above him, and when Metal Man looked up, the anvil slammed onto his face with a sick-sounding THUD. Metal Man didn't even have time to whistle Dixie at the speed the anvil hit his head, and he fell down onto the hard concrete sidewalk. However, the Man of Steel quickly got back to his feet, albeit with a badly cracked visor and a bloody nose. Metal Man then proceeded to chase Goofball through the generic street, his metallic legs making a loud clanging sound every time they touched the hot asphalt. Goofball knew he couldn't just keep running from him forever, he had to do something.
And something he did.
Goofball intentionally started to slow down so that Metal Man was getting closer and closer to catching him, until the cartoon madman was standing still. He then put his left foot out just as Metal Man was about to catch him, causing the Man of Steel to trip over him and send him slamming into a wall. "Have a nice trip, have a good fall!" Goofball quipped to Metal Man.
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Metal Man
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The Metal Man laughed maniacally as he careened at and off of the wall. His blood-speckled face stared into the cartoon's soul, or lack thereof, as his crazed eyes almost glowed. He then straightened himself up and stood there, his gun rebounding off the ground and landing in his hand.
"Well, that's a start, but you'll have to do more to stop me." He coughed a bit, his armor still dented from the previous jumping episode, not to mention his right hand was a bit smudged from that fake explosion. Not one to care that his foe had just wantonly healed that last attack's damage away, Metal Man instead took his gun and spun it around. And then threw it at Goofball.
It missed.
"Whatcha do that for? You can't hit me with that!" The cartoon man mocked the very concept of a thrown gun.
And then suddenly the gun unrealistically flew around mid-air, fluttering into the back of Goofball's head. *KRUNCH!* A cartoon sound effect accompanied Goofball being shoved face first. Metal Man offered a hand to hold him up with--but it in reality did nothing but get slammed into by Goofball, causing another sickening KRUNCH! in the cartoon man's shoulder. The Metal Man kicked Goofball into the gutter and glared callously as he picked up his gun again. The sun shined off of his vile armor with a sinister glow.
Goofball got up, but Metal Man pointed at him. "You think you're some sort of smack artist, don'tcha? Well... I come from an entirely different type of cartoon... the one of people's despair and horror. And you're just the sort of thing I oppose! Goodie goodie gumdrops... I've never had the pleasure of killing a clown before."
Metal Man laughed hideously as twin-speakers popped out of his shoulder and began to drone out infernal hardcore music at ultra-slow speeds. The status lights on Metal Man's suit flashed a variety of bright colors as suddenly the area around Goofball and Metal Man became hazy, making it impossible to see beyond a 10 foot diameter of Metal Man. Behind Metal was the bright red concrete wall, and the background.. why, it was a constantly flickering psychedelic shade of madness.
Goofball's own brightness couldn't keep up. He swung a punch, and Metal bounced into the concrete wall, but then he bounced back and made a stepping move in tune to the music. The ground rumbled, and Goofball was knocked back a foot.
The cartoon took out a cartoonish bomb and hurled it at Metal Man, but he punched it in tune to the music--and lo and behold, a giant red arrow fell from the sky and blew up the bomb, to the tune of a garish 'GREAT!' symbol. Metal Man bobbed his head left and right to the music, his eyes narrowing as he began to dance a weird, repetitive dance with his feet in tune to the slow music.
With each footstep, the ground shook, knocking Goofball off balance and throwing him around. But it got worse. Suddenly, the brick wall began to rip apart--brick by brick--and each brick began flashing colors... and homing in on Goofball.
The song suddenly picked up pace. Goofball, who had hardly kept up with the slow version, was now being attacked by a cloud of possessed techno prismatic bricks... which were EXPLODING into firework-like shapes with varying degrees of 'GREAT!' and 'PERFECT!' on them, all as Metal Man danced like a fiend to the left.
After about 3 minutes, the infernal music stopped... leaving Goofball on the ground, on fire, and covered in epileptically flashing brick debris. And the building behind Metal Man?
Why, it was now a collapsed wreck.
Metal Man chuckled a strange syncopated laugh as he made a bizarro combat pose (left arm up and leaning right; right arm under it and pointing forward) and marched towards the fallen cartoon man like some species of ascended crab.
"Why does the man ask the philosopher 'what is air?' Isn't it obvious? There is none there! We are that air... the air which dies!" He crushed the ground, and pointed his gun at the fallen cartoon.
Expecting a response.
Waiting.
He licked his lips in a sort of cursed expectation.
"Well, that's a start, but you'll have to do more to stop me." He coughed a bit, his armor still dented from the previous jumping episode, not to mention his right hand was a bit smudged from that fake explosion. Not one to care that his foe had just wantonly healed that last attack's damage away, Metal Man instead took his gun and spun it around. And then threw it at Goofball.
It missed.
"Whatcha do that for? You can't hit me with that!" The cartoon man mocked the very concept of a thrown gun.
And then suddenly the gun unrealistically flew around mid-air, fluttering into the back of Goofball's head. *KRUNCH!* A cartoon sound effect accompanied Goofball being shoved face first. Metal Man offered a hand to hold him up with--but it in reality did nothing but get slammed into by Goofball, causing another sickening KRUNCH! in the cartoon man's shoulder. The Metal Man kicked Goofball into the gutter and glared callously as he picked up his gun again. The sun shined off of his vile armor with a sinister glow.
Goofball got up, but Metal Man pointed at him. "You think you're some sort of smack artist, don'tcha? Well... I come from an entirely different type of cartoon... the one of people's despair and horror. And you're just the sort of thing I oppose! Goodie goodie gumdrops... I've never had the pleasure of killing a clown before."
Metal Man laughed hideously as twin-speakers popped out of his shoulder and began to drone out infernal hardcore music at ultra-slow speeds. The status lights on Metal Man's suit flashed a variety of bright colors as suddenly the area around Goofball and Metal Man became hazy, making it impossible to see beyond a 10 foot diameter of Metal Man. Behind Metal was the bright red concrete wall, and the background.. why, it was a constantly flickering psychedelic shade of madness.
Goofball's own brightness couldn't keep up. He swung a punch, and Metal bounced into the concrete wall, but then he bounced back and made a stepping move in tune to the music. The ground rumbled, and Goofball was knocked back a foot.
The cartoon took out a cartoonish bomb and hurled it at Metal Man, but he punched it in tune to the music--and lo and behold, a giant red arrow fell from the sky and blew up the bomb, to the tune of a garish 'GREAT!' symbol. Metal Man bobbed his head left and right to the music, his eyes narrowing as he began to dance a weird, repetitive dance with his feet in tune to the slow music.
With each footstep, the ground shook, knocking Goofball off balance and throwing him around. But it got worse. Suddenly, the brick wall began to rip apart--brick by brick--and each brick began flashing colors... and homing in on Goofball.
The song suddenly picked up pace. Goofball, who had hardly kept up with the slow version, was now being attacked by a cloud of possessed techno prismatic bricks... which were EXPLODING into firework-like shapes with varying degrees of 'GREAT!' and 'PERFECT!' on them, all as Metal Man danced like a fiend to the left.
After about 3 minutes, the infernal music stopped... leaving Goofball on the ground, on fire, and covered in epileptically flashing brick debris. And the building behind Metal Man?
Why, it was now a collapsed wreck.
Metal Man chuckled a strange syncopated laugh as he made a bizarro combat pose (left arm up and leaning right; right arm under it and pointing forward) and marched towards the fallen cartoon man like some species of ascended crab.
"Why does the man ask the philosopher 'what is air?' Isn't it obvious? There is none there! We are that air... the air which dies!" He crushed the ground, and pointed his gun at the fallen cartoon.
Expecting a response.
Waiting.
He licked his lips in a sort of cursed expectation.
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Goofball rose out of the pile of bricks, his body still on fire. The cartoon madman pulled a bucket of water out of hammerspace and poured it on himself, putting the flames out. He then smirked at Metal Man, his hand still holding his gun. "You're a pretty good dancer, but I've got some moves too!" the cartoon madman quipped as he started to breakdance, soon being accompanied by MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This".
Goofball then Wormed his way close to Metal Man, quickly got up, and started doing the Hammer in time to the music. The Man of Steel threw a hard right, only to be deftly dodged by Goofball, who remarked, "Can't touch this." directly in tune to the song. Metal Man threw a hard left, only for the cartoon madman to sway to the right to avoid the fist, again remarking, "Can't touch this." The process repeated itself a few more times, before Goofball popped out from behind Metal Man and slammed into him, knocking the Man of Steel back a bit. While Metal Man was still looking for him, the cartoon madman popped out from behind him again and backhanded the Man of Steel, again sending him back a bit. He did this four more times, singing "Goof goof goof goof." to the tune of the background music. Goofball then pulled out a comically large mallet and quipped, "Stop! Hammer time!" before bringing the mallet behind him and slamming it into Metal Man's face, knocking out a few of the Man of Steel's teeth and further damaging his visor.
Goofball then Wormed his way close to Metal Man, quickly got up, and started doing the Hammer in time to the music. The Man of Steel threw a hard right, only to be deftly dodged by Goofball, who remarked, "Can't touch this." directly in tune to the song. Metal Man threw a hard left, only for the cartoon madman to sway to the right to avoid the fist, again remarking, "Can't touch this." The process repeated itself a few more times, before Goofball popped out from behind Metal Man and slammed into him, knocking the Man of Steel back a bit. While Metal Man was still looking for him, the cartoon madman popped out from behind him again and backhanded the Man of Steel, again sending him back a bit. He did this four more times, singing "Goof goof goof goof." to the tune of the background music. Goofball then pulled out a comically large mallet and quipped, "Stop! Hammer time!" before bringing the mallet behind him and slamming it into Metal Man's face, knocking out a few of the Man of Steel's teeth and further damaging his visor.
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Metal Man
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However, immediately after the hammer swing, Metal Man swung his face right back into the hammer.
His visor grabbed a hold of it, with its tough plexiglass shards, and he yanked it away, while punching Goofball in the gut to throw his grip off. The hammer then flew over Metal Man's shoulder and hit the ground so hard it broke in half. He then posed, pointing at Goofball with his right hand.
"You call that a song? You poor poser. Let me show you what a real attack is!"
The MC Hammer music blared up again, only this time it was from Metal Man's speakers. For, Goofball had dared to challenge him at his own technique... and had failed, as far as he was concerned. But what did that matter? As the ground swelled with more heavy beats, Metal Man pulled a huge metal microphone out of nowhere and began screeching.
o/' YOU CAAAAN'T TOUCH THIS!!! AAAAAA CAAAAN'T TOUCH THIISSSSSS!!!! Q CAN'T TOUCH THIIISSSSS!!! Z CAN'T TOUCH THIIIISSSS!!!! YEAH! \'o
The ground shook and several windows blew apart from the hideously scratchy tone Metal Man had. His off-key wailing was so horrible as to threaten to destroy Goofball's eardrums. Goofball, who tried a lackluster attempt at repeating his attack. Goofball made a limp-wristed point and said plainly, "You can't touch this." With a period. Such a flat delivery... it was drowned out by the next verse.
o/' My-My-My-my (R CAN'T TOUCH DIS!!!) MUSIC HITS YOU!!!!! '\o
A large sonic boom was blasted from the speakers, comedically blasting Goofball against a wall so hard he was flattened.
Metal Man chuckled a bit as he spun the mike around and casually smashed the windows of an old Buick near the battle, before continuing, the def beats echoing up and down the now deserted, generic road.
o/' Makes me say "Oh my lord he's so injured, from my evil mind and two steel boots! '\o
And as if on cue, the speakers shot two blue colored notes, which exploded violently at Goofball, burning him. Then Metal Man leaped in tune with the music, and smashed THROUGH the wall, feet first, leaving Goofball's flattened body bent about and stuck to various dissimilar pieces of rubble.
o/' OHHH YEAH... It feels so... GOOOOOODAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! '\o
The speakers crackled, then exploded, firing bolts of electricity at the rubble. Within moments, the Goofball-plastered bricks had been set on fire and scattered about.
Metal Man picked broken glass out of his face and straightened the teeth he hadn't already lost, while then peering at the wreckage he had created. He then said a few simple words.
"Now... are ya gonna fight me, or are ya gonna die mimicking me? There's only room for one of us in this stupidly generic town, and that one's gonna be me!" He pointed over his shoulder with one of his thumbs, and then took out a massive wrench. "Either way, it's wrench time!" He then stalked towards Goofball...
His visor grabbed a hold of it, with its tough plexiglass shards, and he yanked it away, while punching Goofball in the gut to throw his grip off. The hammer then flew over Metal Man's shoulder and hit the ground so hard it broke in half. He then posed, pointing at Goofball with his right hand.
"You call that a song? You poor poser. Let me show you what a real attack is!"
The MC Hammer music blared up again, only this time it was from Metal Man's speakers. For, Goofball had dared to challenge him at his own technique... and had failed, as far as he was concerned. But what did that matter? As the ground swelled with more heavy beats, Metal Man pulled a huge metal microphone out of nowhere and began screeching.
o/' YOU CAAAAN'T TOUCH THIS!!! AAAAAA CAAAAN'T TOUCH THIISSSSSS!!!! Q CAN'T TOUCH THIIISSSSS!!! Z CAN'T TOUCH THIIIISSSS!!!! YEAH! \'o
The ground shook and several windows blew apart from the hideously scratchy tone Metal Man had. His off-key wailing was so horrible as to threaten to destroy Goofball's eardrums. Goofball, who tried a lackluster attempt at repeating his attack. Goofball made a limp-wristed point and said plainly, "You can't touch this." With a period. Such a flat delivery... it was drowned out by the next verse.
o/' My-My-My-my (R CAN'T TOUCH DIS!!!) MUSIC HITS YOU!!!!! '\o
A large sonic boom was blasted from the speakers, comedically blasting Goofball against a wall so hard he was flattened.
Metal Man chuckled a bit as he spun the mike around and casually smashed the windows of an old Buick near the battle, before continuing, the def beats echoing up and down the now deserted, generic road.
o/' Makes me say "Oh my lord he's so injured, from my evil mind and two steel boots! '\o
And as if on cue, the speakers shot two blue colored notes, which exploded violently at Goofball, burning him. Then Metal Man leaped in tune with the music, and smashed THROUGH the wall, feet first, leaving Goofball's flattened body bent about and stuck to various dissimilar pieces of rubble.
o/' OHHH YEAH... It feels so... GOOOOOODAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! '\o
The speakers crackled, then exploded, firing bolts of electricity at the rubble. Within moments, the Goofball-plastered bricks had been set on fire and scattered about.
Metal Man picked broken glass out of his face and straightened the teeth he hadn't already lost, while then peering at the wreckage he had created. He then said a few simple words.
"Now... are ya gonna fight me, or are ya gonna die mimicking me? There's only room for one of us in this stupidly generic town, and that one's gonna be me!" He pointed over his shoulder with one of his thumbs, and then took out a massive wrench. "Either way, it's wrench time!" He then stalked towards Goofball...
Super Smash Quest: Fighting evil since 2002.
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VG_Addict
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Goofball slowly peeled himself off the rubble with an audible groan. He was in severe pain, and he knew he had to use every last trick that he knows to survive against Metal Man. Out of the corner of his eyes, the cartoon madman saw the Man of Steel wielding a massive wrench, slowly advancing towards him. Goofball tried his best to ignore his injuries, and he grabbed the end of the wrench, a cocky smirk spreading on his face. "I don't think so, pal!" he quipped, as he lifted Metal Man high above his head, and started to spin him around at a steady rate, gradually getting faster, until the Man of Steel was spinning faster than Mike Tyson's head at an elementary-level math class.
"Round and round and round you go, where you stop, nobody knows!" Goofball quipped, as he eventually let go, sending Metal Man crashing through a nearby window to a seedy bar, and smashing through the bar table with a comedic-sounding "SMASH!!!". The middle-aged bartender walked over to where Metal Man lay, and pointed a shaking finger at him. "That table cost $5,000, you bastard! Be prepared to work it off!" he shouted at the Man of Steel. Suddenly, Goofball jumped through the broken window, and picked Metal Man up. "Sorry, he's with me." the cartoon madman quipped, as he jumped on top of Metal Man's head. "Hey, betcha can't hit me!" Goofball taunted, earning him a low growl from the Man of Steel, as he drove his right fist towards the cartoon madman. Unfortunately for him, Goofball pulled out of the way at the last second, slamming the metallic fist into his own skull, giving him two black eyes and a busted lip. Goofball then appeared on Metal Man's belly, again taunting him. Metal Man rose his right fist in the air once more, and threw it towards Goofball, yet again, only for the cartoon madman to pull away at the last second once again, causing the Man of Steel to inflict more harm upon himself, this time causing a massive dent in his armor.
"Round and round and round you go, where you stop, nobody knows!" Goofball quipped, as he eventually let go, sending Metal Man crashing through a nearby window to a seedy bar, and smashing through the bar table with a comedic-sounding "SMASH!!!". The middle-aged bartender walked over to where Metal Man lay, and pointed a shaking finger at him. "That table cost $5,000, you bastard! Be prepared to work it off!" he shouted at the Man of Steel. Suddenly, Goofball jumped through the broken window, and picked Metal Man up. "Sorry, he's with me." the cartoon madman quipped, as he jumped on top of Metal Man's head. "Hey, betcha can't hit me!" Goofball taunted, earning him a low growl from the Man of Steel, as he drove his right fist towards the cartoon madman. Unfortunately for him, Goofball pulled out of the way at the last second, slamming the metallic fist into his own skull, giving him two black eyes and a busted lip. Goofball then appeared on Metal Man's belly, again taunting him. Metal Man rose his right fist in the air once more, and threw it towards Goofball, yet again, only for the cartoon madman to pull away at the last second once again, causing the Man of Steel to inflict more harm upon himself, this time causing a massive dent in his armor.
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Metal Man
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Of course, it was not the punching that would harm Goofball. That was why the Man of Steel had summoned the wrench. That was also why he only used his fists when he was 'tricked'--it was all a show to make Goofball think he had Metal Man on the ropes.
But this diabolical interdimensional fiend was just playing a game--because to him, Goofball was a toy, not a foe. And so, as Goofball appeared a third time, and went to vanish, but Metal Man didn't go along with it this time. Instead of a fist, the oft-forgotten, partially brass wrench flew and gave Goofball's head a good tightening. And by tightening, I mean it hit him hard enough to rip a few bolts out of a steel girder.
The cartoon character flew straight through the wall, such that bricks were impaled into his cartoony flesh. The bartender cursed at Metal Man, demanding payment--so Metal Man obliged.
He took out his wallet and chucked what hard cash he had directly at the bartender's face.
*SMACK!* The bartender reeled, as his newly gotten fortune of $25,300 had come at the cost of breaking his nose. While he stared at the strange notes which had a current president on them (thus, obviously being from the future), the Metal Man coughed some blood into the smoky, murky atmosphere of the bar and picked up some missing billiard balls.
Outside, the harmed cartoon was busy cheating like hell, erasing all his wounds and preparing to teleport into Metal Man's face. Metal Man, of course, had another idea in mind, as he snuck up. As usual, he swung inefficiently and missed Goofball, who then laughed and smacked Metal Man in the face.
However, what was UNusual was when Goofball's fist impacted Metal Man's mouth and got stuck. The madman in that suit of armor... had bitten on to his hand!
"MMMPH MMMPH MMM!" He spit Goofball's fist out, and licked cartoonish blood off his face. Goofball gave the madman a stern look--but what would attract the cartoon's further attention would be something far more dire.
The countdown on Metal Man's left-arm LED watch had hit 0. And now it was surging with blue energy. Metal Man screwed a loose front tooth back in and made a hole-filled grin, saying in a cynical, mean-spirited voice "Well, ya see, every time in a cheating clown's life, there comes a time when a time device screws them up, and then they live unhappily after never."
The Goofball turned to run, but then time suddenly freaked out, and it was like he was surfing through electric eels.
Every bit of his body ached as all the wounds he had healed ripped themselves anew. Torn at hideously, the blue energy then seeped into his blood red wounds and dug at his core, causing even worse internal pain.
A melancholy shade of blue and black fell over the cartoon character's vision as he woke up sideways, rammed into an SUV. The man with the wrench towered over him, and it seemed as if the cartoon man was now being hit by electricity... which was conducting through his very blood. Suddenly, he couldn't see straight... and the tall man was now seen through shaky, unreliable vision.
Meanwhile, Metal Man's visor locked on and ascertained that the time-thrash attack had succeeded. While it had drained most of Metal Man's suit to do it, he felt it was worth it--after all, any more of those magically regenerating wounds would do DOUBLE damage back to that clown if they happened again. And he had a huge stick... now all he had to do was walk quietly.
And hope the Cartoon character didn't start fighting him on an even keel.
He breathed heavily, his hands trembling with machine-to-flesh-induced nerve control vibrations.
But this diabolical interdimensional fiend was just playing a game--because to him, Goofball was a toy, not a foe. And so, as Goofball appeared a third time, and went to vanish, but Metal Man didn't go along with it this time. Instead of a fist, the oft-forgotten, partially brass wrench flew and gave Goofball's head a good tightening. And by tightening, I mean it hit him hard enough to rip a few bolts out of a steel girder.
The cartoon character flew straight through the wall, such that bricks were impaled into his cartoony flesh. The bartender cursed at Metal Man, demanding payment--so Metal Man obliged.
He took out his wallet and chucked what hard cash he had directly at the bartender's face.
*SMACK!* The bartender reeled, as his newly gotten fortune of $25,300 had come at the cost of breaking his nose. While he stared at the strange notes which had a current president on them (thus, obviously being from the future), the Metal Man coughed some blood into the smoky, murky atmosphere of the bar and picked up some missing billiard balls.
Outside, the harmed cartoon was busy cheating like hell, erasing all his wounds and preparing to teleport into Metal Man's face. Metal Man, of course, had another idea in mind, as he snuck up. As usual, he swung inefficiently and missed Goofball, who then laughed and smacked Metal Man in the face.
However, what was UNusual was when Goofball's fist impacted Metal Man's mouth and got stuck. The madman in that suit of armor... had bitten on to his hand!
"MMMPH MMMPH MMM!" He spit Goofball's fist out, and licked cartoonish blood off his face. Goofball gave the madman a stern look--but what would attract the cartoon's further attention would be something far more dire.
The countdown on Metal Man's left-arm LED watch had hit 0. And now it was surging with blue energy. Metal Man screwed a loose front tooth back in and made a hole-filled grin, saying in a cynical, mean-spirited voice "Well, ya see, every time in a cheating clown's life, there comes a time when a time device screws them up, and then they live unhappily after never."
The Goofball turned to run, but then time suddenly freaked out, and it was like he was surfing through electric eels.
Every bit of his body ached as all the wounds he had healed ripped themselves anew. Torn at hideously, the blue energy then seeped into his blood red wounds and dug at his core, causing even worse internal pain.
A melancholy shade of blue and black fell over the cartoon character's vision as he woke up sideways, rammed into an SUV. The man with the wrench towered over him, and it seemed as if the cartoon man was now being hit by electricity... which was conducting through his very blood. Suddenly, he couldn't see straight... and the tall man was now seen through shaky, unreliable vision.
Meanwhile, Metal Man's visor locked on and ascertained that the time-thrash attack had succeeded. While it had drained most of Metal Man's suit to do it, he felt it was worth it--after all, any more of those magically regenerating wounds would do DOUBLE damage back to that clown if they happened again. And he had a huge stick... now all he had to do was walk quietly.
And hope the Cartoon character didn't start fighting him on an even keel.
He breathed heavily, his hands trembling with machine-to-flesh-induced nerve control vibrations.
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VG_Addict
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OOC: Goofball isn't healing all his wounds, he still has them. He's just choosing to ignore the pain.
Goofball coughed up a good-sized gob of black ink-like blood, as he kneeled over in pain. Then, out of nowhere, the cartoon madman started to laugh. At first, it was just a small chuckle, but it gradually turned into a full-blown guffaw.
"What's so damn funny!?" Metal Man demanded, obviously annoyed at Goofball's antics. "Hee hee, you don't realize that you just gave me a brand new superpower. Now, I'm like Electro from Spider-Man." Goofball replied, still laughing slightly. The cartoon madman then rose his hands in the air, channeling the electricity in his body into his hands, causing them to shoot out of his palms. He pointed his hands at a nearby fire hydrant, and use the electricity to magnetically pull it straight out of its bolts, leaving a large geyser of water in its place. Goofball then swung his hands back, which slammed the fire hydrant into Metal Man's face, leaving several good-sized bruises. The cartoon madman then attracted several more metallic objects towards him, hitting the Man of Steel with a medium-sized toolbox, an iron bucket, a large sheet of metal, and a Ford Mustang. After being barraged, Metal Man spoke, his armor covered with dents and scratches. "You know, you've hit me with everything but the kitchen sink." the Man of Steel quipped, blood streaming out of his mouth and down his chin. "OK, but only 'cuz you asked!" Goofball replied, and he slammed a large metal kitchen sink into Metal Man's skull, causing the Man of Steel to fall to the ground once more.
Goofball coughed up a good-sized gob of black ink-like blood, as he kneeled over in pain. Then, out of nowhere, the cartoon madman started to laugh. At first, it was just a small chuckle, but it gradually turned into a full-blown guffaw.
"What's so damn funny!?" Metal Man demanded, obviously annoyed at Goofball's antics. "Hee hee, you don't realize that you just gave me a brand new superpower. Now, I'm like Electro from Spider-Man." Goofball replied, still laughing slightly. The cartoon madman then rose his hands in the air, channeling the electricity in his body into his hands, causing them to shoot out of his palms. He pointed his hands at a nearby fire hydrant, and use the electricity to magnetically pull it straight out of its bolts, leaving a large geyser of water in its place. Goofball then swung his hands back, which slammed the fire hydrant into Metal Man's face, leaving several good-sized bruises. The cartoon madman then attracted several more metallic objects towards him, hitting the Man of Steel with a medium-sized toolbox, an iron bucket, a large sheet of metal, and a Ford Mustang. After being barraged, Metal Man spoke, his armor covered with dents and scratches. "You know, you've hit me with everything but the kitchen sink." the Man of Steel quipped, blood streaming out of his mouth and down his chin. "OK, but only 'cuz you asked!" Goofball replied, and he slammed a large metal kitchen sink into Metal Man's skull, causing the Man of Steel to fall to the ground once more.
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Metal Man
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OOC: So that finger which he replaced with a new one like nothing happened counts as a wound? Be honest, man, you don't need to hide it. :p
Then Metal Man's attitude snapped again. He adjusted his regal but dented helmet and glanced at Goofball with a dismissive look. "Oh, geez. You're so original. A kitchen sink? C'mon. I've killed people with vending machines, abstract concepts, and horrifyingly bad music, and all you have is... the kitchen sink. You know what I think... of the kitchen sink?"
Goofball definitely didn't know that one. He most certainly couldn't.
Metal Man picked up the discarded sink, and bit right through it with his remaining teeth, and then dropped the thing on the ground, shattering it. He then spit the broken fragments from his mouth, insulting Goofball's joke in the most nasty way possible. "That's your sink right there. C'mon, a three year old knows better than you!"
Metal Man then laughed himself and inexplicably backflipped into the window of a nearby building. A sound of sirens was heard, and then...
*SMAAAAASSSSH!!!!*
...A firetruck smashed through the wall, and was barreling at Goofball. At the helm was Metal Man, who taunted with a jeering, doppler-effected voice: "THIS IS WHAT I CALL A REAL JOKE! HAHAHA... Have you ever seen A FIRE TRUCK SET THINGS ON FIRE???"
Goofball leaped out of the way as the truck smashed a car behind him into bits, starting a fire. Then Metal Man turned the thing around using his inhuman strength and sent it down the road at Goofball, who was forced to run down said road.
Metal Man jammed the accelerator, and now even Goofball's cartoonish speed was becoming too slow. The cartoon sweated cartoony sweat as he saw the feverish, enraged, maniacal glare of Metal Man encroaching on him. Why... he had a fire hose in his hand. But the other end... no! It was connected to the GAS TANK.
"You want a real joke? How about... a Fire department that KILLS PEOPLE? Ahaahahaha... ahahaha... AHAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!"
He turned the sirens to full blast and pumped the gasoline, and then threw a spark. Before Goofball knew it, a STREAM OF FIRE and a FLAMING FIRETRUCK and a BURNING MAN IN ARMOR were all coming at him from the higher side of a hill, and he couldn't run fast enough to evade all of them.
The crazed man gave the doomed toon a last salute, chuckling. "What's wrong? Is it too funny? Don't be serious. All of life's a joke, right? Right? RIGHT!!!!!"
The truck turned to the right immediately, its reflective red and silver surfaces gleaming violently. A wave of fire swept out ahead of it, knocking the cartoon over and burning his otherwise nicely colored body. Then the metal truck rolled over him like a gigantic rolling pin, and then hit a series of buildings and exploded, filling his cartoon body with shrapnel.
Then, screaming from above, the silhouette of a mad time warrior was seen above the burning, pierced toon.
That mad man's expression would be burned into Goofball's mind forever, as never before had he seen a burning cyborg fall feet-first onto his face from 30 feet up in the sky.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH--" *KER-SMAAAAAASH!*
The man smashed into the pavement, and smashed his legs. And Goofball. And his face. His horrible, cartoonish face now had Metal Man's right boot SMASHED STRAIGHT THROUGH IT.
The man of steel awoke a few feet to the side, missing his feet. He shrugged and walked on the stubs instead--he had entirely cybernetic limbs from the ankle below, so the feet had been more ornamental than they seemed.
On the other hand Goofball's vital organs were probably far less ornamental, not to mention that shade of on fire, smashed, and pierced by burning metal debris they had acquired couldn't possibly be healthy for them.
Onlookers stared in confusion as they saw the strange footless, still on fire, bleeding, dented, whistling cyborg walk towards the pancaked pointy-object pierced pyro-effected clown's near-corpse.
"So, what's your next joke? Trying to kill me with a gun? I like that one. The people who try it always wind up smashed into something made of glass."
Then Metal Man's attitude snapped again. He adjusted his regal but dented helmet and glanced at Goofball with a dismissive look. "Oh, geez. You're so original. A kitchen sink? C'mon. I've killed people with vending machines, abstract concepts, and horrifyingly bad music, and all you have is... the kitchen sink. You know what I think... of the kitchen sink?"
Goofball definitely didn't know that one. He most certainly couldn't.
Metal Man picked up the discarded sink, and bit right through it with his remaining teeth, and then dropped the thing on the ground, shattering it. He then spit the broken fragments from his mouth, insulting Goofball's joke in the most nasty way possible. "That's your sink right there. C'mon, a three year old knows better than you!"
Metal Man then laughed himself and inexplicably backflipped into the window of a nearby building. A sound of sirens was heard, and then...
*SMAAAAASSSSH!!!!*
...A firetruck smashed through the wall, and was barreling at Goofball. At the helm was Metal Man, who taunted with a jeering, doppler-effected voice: "THIS IS WHAT I CALL A REAL JOKE! HAHAHA... Have you ever seen A FIRE TRUCK SET THINGS ON FIRE???"
Goofball leaped out of the way as the truck smashed a car behind him into bits, starting a fire. Then Metal Man turned the thing around using his inhuman strength and sent it down the road at Goofball, who was forced to run down said road.
Metal Man jammed the accelerator, and now even Goofball's cartoonish speed was becoming too slow. The cartoon sweated cartoony sweat as he saw the feverish, enraged, maniacal glare of Metal Man encroaching on him. Why... he had a fire hose in his hand. But the other end... no! It was connected to the GAS TANK.
"You want a real joke? How about... a Fire department that KILLS PEOPLE? Ahaahahaha... ahahaha... AHAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!"
He turned the sirens to full blast and pumped the gasoline, and then threw a spark. Before Goofball knew it, a STREAM OF FIRE and a FLAMING FIRETRUCK and a BURNING MAN IN ARMOR were all coming at him from the higher side of a hill, and he couldn't run fast enough to evade all of them.
The crazed man gave the doomed toon a last salute, chuckling. "What's wrong? Is it too funny? Don't be serious. All of life's a joke, right? Right? RIGHT!!!!!"
The truck turned to the right immediately, its reflective red and silver surfaces gleaming violently. A wave of fire swept out ahead of it, knocking the cartoon over and burning his otherwise nicely colored body. Then the metal truck rolled over him like a gigantic rolling pin, and then hit a series of buildings and exploded, filling his cartoon body with shrapnel.
Then, screaming from above, the silhouette of a mad time warrior was seen above the burning, pierced toon.
That mad man's expression would be burned into Goofball's mind forever, as never before had he seen a burning cyborg fall feet-first onto his face from 30 feet up in the sky.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH--" *KER-SMAAAAAASH!*
The man smashed into the pavement, and smashed his legs. And Goofball. And his face. His horrible, cartoonish face now had Metal Man's right boot SMASHED STRAIGHT THROUGH IT.
The man of steel awoke a few feet to the side, missing his feet. He shrugged and walked on the stubs instead--he had entirely cybernetic limbs from the ankle below, so the feet had been more ornamental than they seemed.
On the other hand Goofball's vital organs were probably far less ornamental, not to mention that shade of on fire, smashed, and pierced by burning metal debris they had acquired couldn't possibly be healthy for them.
Onlookers stared in confusion as they saw the strange footless, still on fire, bleeding, dented, whistling cyborg walk towards the pancaked pointy-object pierced pyro-effected clown's near-corpse.
"So, what's your next joke? Trying to kill me with a gun? I like that one. The people who try it always wind up smashed into something made of glass."
Super Smash Quest: Fighting evil since 2002.