EDIT: I suspect my friend is being abused.

[Jesus]

I have some friends who are going out and I noticed something. The guy is an unemployed gamer who recently graduated university and hasn't passed his certification boards and doesn't seem to be studying much for them. He was a C+ student throughout. He is dating a girl who has graduated and passed her boards and has a decent paying job. I happened to notice that the guy will buy things for himself like video games, clothes, and parts for his motorcycle. He still lives with his parents mind you. The girl has been paying for the meals whenever they go out. What struck me as odd though, was when she bought food for a get-together at her apartment for a burger and taco night. It happened to be chicken. The boy doesn't like chicken so she buys lean meat for her boyfriend. When he came over, he was disgusted that it wasn't at least 80 percent lean meat and made his disgust apparent. He then went to the back to sleep during the party. I was a little disturbed at this girl's situation but not sure if I should speak up about it. I think I'm the only one who notices what's going on. What is your opinion on this? Should I talk to the girl? She seems to be oblivious about what is going on or she is scared of the backlash that it could cause with him and his friends I'm sure. I've been friends with the guy for a long time but I can't agree personally with what is happening and think I need to speak to the girl directly. I don't even know if she has friends herself outside of the circle we are in. I'd be more than willing to be her friend rather than the ass hats I'm with now.

[I am nobody]

These seems more suited to Life than PPR. Moving.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I think that people can live however they choose, so I have no problem with it. However, I personally think that a man should not be in a relationship where the woman pays for everything.

Oh, and as for that situation, it doesn't sound bad enough to warrant getting involved.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Despite the focus of your question, here, it's got nothing to do with whether she pays for it, and everything to do with the disrespect and lack of appreciation he seems to be showing her. In a healthy, communicative relationship, the division of finances is up to the people involved to decide what is most suitable. But the idea behind your concern is that he is being rude and ungrateful for the effort she's put in, regardless of if it was her money in the first place.

Should you talk to her? Maybe. Maybe offering a sympathetic ear is what she needs. But you must understand that if you approach her with your judgements already made (such as saying something which expresses, "he's being a jerk to you"), she might become defensive because it can feel like a criticism of her. That she's doing something wrong by being with him, or can't make her own choices, or that it's her fault in some way. Alternatively, she might feel defensive simply because she doesn't believe it's your place to have an opinion about her relationship.

Of course, that kind of mistreatment can sometimes indicate an abusive situation which will escalate, or is already far worse behind the scenes. So remaining silent is also not the best idea.

If I were in your position, I would have a word with the guy, saying that you were pretty disappointed and embarrassed by how rude he was when she'd been thoughtful and made extra concessions for his preferences. Don't get into a **** match with him. Pick your stance, and remain firm and direct. "That's not appropriate behaviour." I would also make an effort to just be a good friend to the woman, in whatever genuine way you can, as well as bringing up a non-threatening acknowledgement of the guy's poor treatment. "I know it's not up to me to apologise on his behalf, but I'm sorry that he was so unappreciative. Thanks for the time and effort you put in to making the party cool, I had a great time." Understand that if she is in a bad place, she might be suspicious or unable to trust that you are trying to be kind.

Without knowing the people or more of the details, it's hard to have any other advice. Just try and play it by ear. Don't be too assumptive about how others "should" structure their relationship - ie. there's nothing inherently wrong with the woman being the main breadwinner, but there is always dissonance when there is a lack of respect between the people.

[CaptHayfever]

^That's essentially what I was going to say.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[United Nations]

When we were in high school and college, I paid for everything because I worked 2-3 jobs and my hubby didn't. Then during my last semester, student teaching, and the months following, he paid for everything. Now we both have salary jobs so we split everything. You ask what my opinion is about the girl paying for everything...it just comes down to respect and communication.

[spooky scary bearatons]

my opinion is that you shouldnt get involved in **** that isnt yours to be involved in. you dont know the relationship dynamics or history or anything, so your input would be very unnecessary and probably even unwanted

[Jesus]

Yeah....it's mostly about respect for what she's doing. I had been with her once after when I was driving her to the hardware store before. We stopped by her place where he had said he was meeting up with us. She asked if he wanted to come along and he simply said he was tired and asked for her keys. She said "Why not just come with us?" And his response simply was "Can I have your keys?". It went back and forth four times until she gave up. As we were driving off she exclaimed "He can be such a jerk". I apologized for his rude behaviour to her. As we were driving back, our friend Anthony had asked if we all wanted to go to the beach. Of course she and I said yes. She texted her boyfriend and he didn't feel like it. I felt bad and bought the hardware parts for her because of how he was treating her that day. It really got to her and upset her. I guess I should also mention that I am a really close friend to her. So no, this wasn't the only instance of it happening. Also, I personally feel that if the guy is spending his own money on his own things and can't bother to pay for something for her then it's freeloading. He certainly has money somewhere. He just doesn't seem to pay for it when she can. Bleh, I should just re-title this thread.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Sounds like they have a **** relationship, but it doesn't seem abusive, not even verbally. He seems like a prick but that's her mistake to be with him, so I don't see what you can do other than just be her friend and cheer her up.

Also, his freeloading on his girlfriend is certainly not admirable, but that seems to be between them and not really any of your concern. He can spend his money as he sees fit, like an idiot probably, but still.

[Random User]

I have a friend in a very similar situation. She is under the impression that she can "fix" her boyfriend's problems, at the cost of her own well-being. If that's the case for your friend, she'd best tread extremely carefully. I think it can be abusive if his behavior towards her is like this over a long period of time, especially if he blatantly doesn't value things she does for him. You'll start to feel worthless after a while.

[smol Kat]

I suspect it's mostly a personality clash, but that can be just as draining. I speak from personal past experience. Other than that, I'm going to agree with basically everything ESSDEE said.

Also, for those of you bitching about girls who pay for stuff: :bitchslap:

I make my own goddamn money and will spend it how I see fit. EQUITY!

[Booyakasha]

You know the situation best, of course. One shouldn't judge the merits of a couple based on a few awkward situations (every couple has those). That said, there's no harm to be done by voicing your concerns in a frank, compassionate manner. Like, these are your friends---------naturally you care about them. Naturally you want them to be happy, and to be happy together. One assumes they'll regard your concern as a sweet sign of your love, even if it turns out you were worrying over nothing. And if there is a problem, an actual abusive situation going on...abuse shouldn't occur. There exists a moral imperative to object to cruelty and unfairness when one sees it. Otherwise like why even have a society at all. (Don't mind telling you, I wouldn't have adopted my current Jabberjaw-themed sig/title combo if I didn't believe in truth and justice. Yeah.)

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

[QUOTE="nyankat, post: 1602453, member: 37303"]Also, for those of you bitching about girls who pay for stuff: :bitchslap:

I make my own goddamn money and will spend it how I see fit. EQUITY![/QUOTE]

I don't think anyone wants to tell you or anyone else how to spend their money, not even WvW.

[Jesus]

Nah I have no problem if it's an agreed upon situation. For my friends thing, I think it's an unsaid thing that just happens because the boy has no money but makes this claim that he's going to soon. The evidence isn't there that he will. I also don't agree with his behaviour to her. Everyone I know agrees that he acts like a 16 year old trapped in an adult's body. I probably blame the parents for still spoiling him so much.

[Random User]

It would probably be healthy for him to seek counseling of some kind to get past that kind of behavior..

[smol Kat]

dudes I was being facetious lol[DOUBLEPOST=1469020224,1469020192][/DOUBLEPOST]also as a freelancer I have had to make that claim before. It ain't my fault.