This semester is my last semester of college. I have no plans or desire to pursue any further education after this. I am taking two computer classes and Microbiology. I am doing well in the two computer classes and don't expect anything to go wrong with those two.
My issue is with Microbiology. I currently have an 88 (B) in there. This class is insane. It is far too difficult (that is, the professor makes it more difficult than it needs to be). I have stressed myself out, busting my ass to have this grade. Please don't think I'm some whiner. I've taken classes that were difficult, but fair. This circus-act of a class is the epitome of unfair. And yes, I know, life isn't always fair. I'm getting to that.
Some background information: I have had numerous people, who took this class, tell me that they were "scaled up" to a higher grade by the end of the semester. I've heard some people were boosted from Ds to Bs. I've heard of people being boosted from Cs to As. I have also had people claim that the grades weren't scaled nearly that much, so I don't know exactly what to believe. People just do so badly in this class that the professor has to scale, otherwise most people would fail.
My big stress source right now is the huge exam we have this Friday.
Anyway, to the point. As silly and first world as this may sound, I can't do it anymore. I've been struggling since an incident last semester where, after studying for an exam for hours, I just snapped, cried, and watched TV while playing Harvest Moon for the rest of the night. I finished that semester with the grades I wanted, but it was draining.
Ever since then, I have been struggling just to get through the rest of school. Honestly, if it had come any sooner, I probably would have dropped out. I just feel burned out.
The point I'm getting to, and realistically just trying to rationalize/reason myself to by typing this, is that I want to stop being so wound up about all of this. I have made myself physically ill from being stressed about this class and I just can't do it anymore.
I've been trying to study for this test and I just can't do it. It's a ton of material and I can't wrap my head around most of it. All of the words blur together and I can't remember a lot of it.
What I'm thinking of doing is just scaling it back. Just studying casually. I have never gotten a B in one of my major classes, so I desperately want an A in Microbiology. I'm realizing that it's just not worth it. If I don't do well on this exam, it won't be the end of the world.
I'm planning to just study at a more relaxed pace for the rest of the semester. The only remaining grades are this exam, the final, a lab report, and a quiz. I think, at minimum, I can manage a C-level of work. This will end in one of several way:
- If the stories are true, it'll get scaled up to an A, which would make me unbelievably happy
- If the stories are exaggerated, it'll get scaled up to a B, which I think I can live with.
- If the stories are just completely untrue, I'll end up with a C. It's not what I want, but if getting a C is what it takes to keep myself from going crazy, I'll take it.
As I mentioned earlier, I think me writing this is mostly trying to justify to myself the idea of slacking for my mental health. I worry a little bit that people will think I'm a quitter or that people will be disappointed in me for not striving for an A. I don't care anymore though. I can't care that much anymore.
If you've read all of this, thank you. It was cathartic to write. If you disagree with what I've said, think I'm a lazy brat, etc., feel free to say so. I'll, naturally, disagree with you of course.
A few little details that I can't really think of a place for: the semester is very nearly over. The last day of class is two weeks from tomorrow. It's not like I'm calling it quits halfway through the semester (though I desperately wanted to do so).
When I call the class "unfair", here are some of the things I mean:
- We are given no clue how much a particular assignment will be worth. Everything is worth varying amounts of "points" that all add up to a cumulative grade.
- We are given no measure of how much each exam will be worth or how much lab will factor into our grade.
- We spent the first three months of class covering three chapters worth of material. He then threw several packets (covering close to ten chapters) at us. He does this on purpose every year. He rambles, gets off topic, and turns everything into a story.
- Marking on assignments is completely arbitrary. You could have written exactly what it said in the book, your friend could have written the same thing, and one of you would have it marked as incorrect (with no explanation of what is incorrect about it).
- Honestly, this is just too much material for one class. The professor has mentioned that he asks the department every year to turn it into a two part class and they say no.
