Video Game Forums

So along with the other weird stuff that goes on in my life I've wondered into a bit of a predicament. So I've been the whole internet dating thing, and I've had two dates with this girl (we'll called her "Sakura" to give her a bit of anon). She's cute, we've had a few laughs, a few things in common, she lives nearby (my last couple of ex's has been long distance), and we've talked for about a month. We're also planning to go on a third date again soon (however, she's had to be rushed to hospital.) Now, we've only dated, and we've not talked about getting into a serious relationship, nor have we done anything super serious (held hand, kissed, etc). However, as soon as I heard she was taken to hospital. I quickly texted her to see what had happened.

During the dates, I struggled to read her body language, and I couldn't really say if the date went well or not. I didn't feel any "Wow, she's the one!" feeling when I met her. Which did make it a nice shock when she messaged the next day, and we arranged date number two the day after. However, even then....still no "wow" feelings.

Anyway, about 4 years ago I met "Akiko" at a sci-fi convention. We were both on stalls, she was selling her friends comic book, while I was with my Dad and his Robots (R2-D2, and B9, before anyone gets any ideas.) Anyway, we majorly flirted, and exchanged facebook accounts. However, it turned out she had a boyfriend. Then a year later before the next con, they broke up. She messages me about getting a drink, and meal during the con. I say sure loved to, and she never turned up all day. It turned out she had the flu, and she said that when she gets better, she'd still like to go for a meal. I can work with that. So we chat for a month, and then she suddenly goes quiet. Lo and behold, she's in a new relationship.

Until today when Akiko messaged me about 5 hours ago. Where she asked me about four questions in a row, and ending up with asking me if I want to come over for a drink and a catch up. Which I replied I'm a little busy this weekend, but maybe next weekend I can. I then had a look on her profile, and the first post is about her mum saying that she should try and date a different sort of guy (Which I make hit the criteria for a lot on that list.)

Now, Akiko is way more pretty in my eyes, and we have a lot more things in common. However, there's a three hour travel time between us. Were as Sakura is only 15 mins. Yet, I feel Akiko is one of these people that constantly tries to get into another relationship as quick as possible, and that if I do arrange to meet her again. I have a possibility of being stood up again, and left for another guy. However, I think that Sakura isn't the sort of girl to mess around.

I really want to meet Akiko again to see if we hit it off like we did four years ago. Yet, I don't want to go for it, and lose my chance with Sakura. Safe Sakura, or Adventurous Akiko? Ugh! I don't know, I'm not even sure what advice I want.....I'm just gonna go hide in bed. :/

Well both choices are good, bud. What it sounds like is that you're getting anxious that you're going to make a 'wrong' choice but I think you are probably the best educated person to make any decision for yourself. Try not to judge your relationship by what hasn't worked for somebody else in the past. You're not the same context and you're not the same person as anyone's random ex, so keep in mind that you're a deciding factor in what happens in your life. You're kind, intelligent, and you'll care for your partner - as long as you're behaving rationally I think that's a good place to start and much better than many tend to manage. Make your own life and go with whoever you want, have some fun.

If there's one thing I can tell you about life, it's that you can't actually mess it up. It's just however you do it. Try to relax and tell that anxious voice it's not helping you out, you don't get to have fun by being anxious.

And for my 2 cents on your situation, I've never gotten anything out of being with someone I wasn't crazy about. As luck would have it, Ashlee was open to discussing what makes up a relationship and what she wants. Whatever you do, don't put yourself in a place where you're guessing all the time.

And congrats on the two potential love interests! That's something to look forward to, bud!

If I've learned anything about relationships, it's this: Don't rely on initial sparks. The presence (or lack of presence) thereof can be horribly deceptive.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[QUOTE="CaptHayfever, post: 1499813, member: 25169"]If I've learned anything about relationships, it's this: Don't rely on initial sparks. The presence (or lack of presence) thereof can be horribly deceptive.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"[/QUOTE]
Amen

Was Sakura hospitalized for mental reasons? Long term care? Or did she just stub her toe or something of the sort?

If you help take care of her you'll probably gain some major cookie points.

Distance is a big thing, 15 minutes is walking distance, 3 hours is a mini road trip.

I say sitcom it.

Sakura's appendix had to come out. I don't feel as if I've known her long enough to visit, or play nurse for her. I think texting to make sure she was alright was cookie scoring. She should be coming out of hospital tomorrow, and I know she'll be house ridden again for a couple of days, but again.....I don't feel I know her well enough to visit.

[QUOTE="CaptHayfever, post: 1499813, member: 25169"]If I've learned anything about relationships, it's this: Don't rely on initial sparks. The presence (or lack of presence) thereof can be horribly deceptive.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I've heard that from a few peoples relationship stories. One of my friends was saying, how he flatly ignored his future wife on their first couple interactions. While, I don't think I can be that callous towards someone. I do realise that this lack of initial sparks could be a red herring, and that I should see if feelings for Sakura do grow into something more.

My anxiety is working in overdrive at the moment anyway , so this situation isn't possible helping it or me. But I've got to ride it out, and will possibly just all do my usual way of dealing with things. Just take it as it comes. I mean, there's always the possibility that the scenario with Akiko is all in my head (which normally in my case is usually the answer.) However, I feel that it's just to much of a coincidence that she's contacted me again after another break up, and I know happens to most rebound relationships. I think I need to find a way to drive my anxious thoughts down before I think about anything else.

As for the distance thing...you just need to decide if it's worth it. Squeege and I started out 10 hours apart, and now we live together. (and that's not to mention ESSDEE and AYEEYE ;) )

Definitely a good idea, just in general, to take things slow. I think texting Sakura to make sure she was okay was a very good move-- you obviously care, but you weren't being overbearing. If you can build friendships with these ladies, the romance with the right one- if within that two- will come in time.

I hope this makes sense haha I've had a very trying evening and also tequila as a result. Good luck! :3

Nothing wrong with sticking to friendship with the openness to more with both ladies. You don't have to commit one way or the other right now, not while it's still just hanging out and drinks. Enjoy what you can, get a feel for what works for you, and don't try too hard to put it down to rational terms like distance or first impressions, just go with the friendships and see how it feels. Good luck! *hugs*

If you end up choosing the adventurous girl, just make sure you prepare yourself mentally. "This might not work out. I could get stood up again. But the experience is worth it." If you go in expecting it to work exactly how you'd like it to, you could be really disappointed. Just go in with and open yet guarded mind.

I do agree with SD--you don't have to make up your mind just yet. Feel things out first. Make an informed decision.

It's also important to be honest with both yourself and them. When you spend time with them, do you enjoy it? Do you see yourself wanting to spend more time? Those are the things that are more important than travel time, or if you think one is more 'attractive' than the other (attractiveness is important, but there are more than one kind of attractiveness and physical attractiveness is only one piece of the puzzle). Don't let yourself get bogged down by the unimportant stuff.

When in doubt, go for close, stable, and reliable. The last thing you should want is to start something with a person who cannot even keep to a simple meeting.

Decided to keep being friends to both, with an openness to more. Both Pros and Cons of girl balance out equally.

I'm spiteful so Akiko would be out. I hate people who don't keep their word without good reason. Sakura sounds better but if you don't really like her much there's no point.

Dunno.

I really wouldn't hinge your predictions on how you feel about Sakura based on the initial dates. It's not like in the movies where you meet someone and instantly go "WOW I LOVE YOU I WANT TO MAKE BABIES WITH YOU". It takes time to dig and see it through. I mean, it CAN happen but I'm saying if it doesn't that means nothing.

I would just go with Sakura. You've had experiences with long distance relationships, so why not just try something new? If it doesn't work out then fine.

And it sounds like there's a theme going on with you and getting with girls who suddenly get sick.

You also have a happy headache in your hands. Man, I don't think in my entire pitiful love life a girl has actually told me to get a drink with them. The only girl who initiated something with me almost wanted to rape me - no joke. She just entered my dorm and started making out with me and wanted the D badly and I was like "Aaahhhahaha this is weird. This is really weird." God that was so weird.

^ If a dude tried that, well, **** would've hit the fan.

I still turned her down. I was really not into her. A lot of my friends heard of the situation and found it weird that I still didn't do her. Contrary to belief, it's possible for a guy not to have sex with a girl despite being really pretty. There are a lot of really pretty girls I know that I wouldn't do because I'm just not into them. This particular girl had the IQ of a stop sign, sadly. I don't like to put people down about their intelligence but the fact that she thought Ikea was a country really didn't help me feel it.

Oh my goodness, Akiko has just messaged me on facebook, and as we were chatting she confirmed it. She fancied me when we first met, and was gutted when I got into a relationship with my now ex. How did I not see the signs back then. *facepalms*

And Sakura has gone quiet on me. We went on a third date this past sunday, and I sent her a message on Tuesday, but heard nothing back from her. I felt weird at the date, sort of awkward. So I think that's adventure has run it's course. *shrugs*