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I grew up in Catholic school so we went to mass when we were in middle school. I had this huge ass crush the size of Russia on this girl named Alex. For those of you unfamiliar with Catholic mass, there's this part where we all hold hands and recite The Lord's Prayer together. We'd always line up for mass and go down the hallway and file out into the pews. Every mass I would try to figure out the order in the line. I kept wanting to end up sitting next to Alex so I could hold her hand. One day I figured it out and nudged people aside and voila - I ended up sitting next to her!

Needless to say I was giddy.

We held hands and I don't think I ever recited the Lord's Prayer with such enthusiasm in my life.

Then I felt a sneeze coming on.

I instinctively use my left hand, the hand that was holding Alex's, and sneezed into it.

It took me a split second to realized what I just did. She just looked at me like I was the grossest person in the universe, let go, wiped her hand on her seat, and we didn't hold hands again. Just like that I blew it - quite literally.

When I first started serving wine, it became apparent to me that I could make a lot more tips by shmoozing with the people at the bar. One time, some lady mentioned a winery in Charleston. Not really knowing as much as I do about wine at that point, I said that I had been there, and that North Carolina was a nice place, going along with the conversation like I knew what I was talking about. She then proceed to tell me Charleston was in South Carolina. I then realized my mistake and spent the next 5 minutes convincing her that I had actually been to a totally different Charleston in North Carolina, and said it was nothing like what she described this "Charleston, SC" place like.

She still tipped me.

One time Val called UN an ex-girlfriend's name.

spoilering due to nsfw nature

[spoiler]tl;dr, second time ever having sex was coming up, awesome. until i had the wonderful idea of shaving my nonos, now i had not touched a razor before so needless to say i massacred my genital region quite impressively. explain where all the cuts came from was the most awkward 2 minute story to repeat to a partner during your mid teen years[/spoiler]

[QUOTE="Valigoremander, post: 1494387, member: 30663"]One time Val called UN an ex-girlfriend's name.[/QUOTE]
I did that to my girlfriend but the more awkward thing was the other name I called her wasn't even from an ex-girlfriend.