My Sister

Kil'jaeden · #1

I have not been active so much since my last post. I told one person here about what happened via PM, and I figured I would keep it to myself otherwise. I changed my mind. I have decided to start posting again. I have spent enough time in a daze doing nothing. Writing it down helps me process it, which is better than the state of denial I have been in. I have only expressed any grief privately, as I really cannot do it any other way.

One of my sisters died recently. She was in an accident while driving, and hit a semi-truck. It has been hard to process this. She was one of the few people I can say I was truly close to. She caused me a lot of grief later on with some of her decisions and being used by bad company, but she was just starting to get better about that. She never could distinguish between beneficial people and harmful people though, she would just treat them the same. The reason this happened is because she was tired from doing long shifts at some factory. She was doing 12 hours at a time, sometimes even more, to help pay someone else's rent for them. I did not really like this situation, but she kept saying she could handle it. That was what she said about most things.

I am not saying this for sympathy, as I do not want it. I feel like I failed her just as much as other people did. I did not do enough. She had a difficult lot from the start, and now this. From experience, I can say that life is cruel, and it is cruelest to people that already have many burdens put on them.

#2

Oh Kil, I am so very sorry for you and your family. Losing those we love affects us in the deepest ways so take your time in dealing with your grief. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay safe!! *giant hugs*

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #3

I'm sorry for your loss, Kil. I'm glad you're posting again, it will get your mind off things.

Valigarmander · #4

The loss of a family member is such a horrible thing to have to cope with. I wish the best for you and your family.

#5

I'm so sorry your sister died. Your emotions and reactions to this awful event are all valid and normal. It hurts to feel like you didn't do enough, but it's never going to be your fault. You did what you could and thought was right, and it sounds like she was very assured of what she was doing with her life. Be gentle with yourself. May the best memories of your sister stay bright and bring you joy even amidst your grief. <3

Kil'jaeden · #6

At first I just kept hoping that I would wake up at some point. At first I refused to believe it and went to the police to tell them to show me the evidence. It did not help, as they just told me exactly what I did not want to hear. I thought that maybe there was an accident, but they got it wrong about who was in it. So I actually got on Facebook and waited for a post, I figured that maybe she would post. Maybe she would call, or show up randomly. Resignation has more or less set in now. I honestly can't even feel that sad anymore. I just don't feel much of anything about anything.

#7

I've never experienced anything similar, and can hardly imagine what you must have gone through, and are continuing to deal with now. I know those are all normal responses to the trauma associated with someone unexpectedly dying, especially in an accident. Disbelief, denial, anger, hoping, they are all a natural part of what you are burdened with while trying to reconcile such a painful event. The grieving process has no singular, "right" way, and you might find yourself surprised by emotions at times. All you can expect of yourself is to get through each moment as it comes, and be inwardly forgiving of whatever you personally experience during your bereavement.

Thank you for opening up. I'm really glad you are able to come here to talk with us about this tragedy. It's courageous to speak about your sister, and how you are coping with her death. You are always welcome. We are happy to listen.

Apollo the Just · #8

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, Kil, and please know that these boards are always open for you to talk about things if that helps you in any way. Your family will be in my thoughts.

Marilink · #9

Very sorry to hear all that has happened, Kil. Your sister sounds like she was an amazing person, and it sounds like she has truly been a blessing to you and those she knew.

You know my PM box is always open if you need it. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Kil'jaeden · #10

All sorts of bad things happen to people and they get over them. It is not the first bad thing and it won't be the last. Besides, she would tell me not to be so gloomy. She said that a lot. Spending time with these kids(relatives) helps. Dealing with them, I don't have the time to be too gloomy. Besides, I can't be acting too sad around them or they will start to be effected. I also checked up my younger cousin, who is like my brother anyway. Wanted to see if he is doing okay with his high school stuff.

#11

It's good to be strong and find positive distraction. It's also good to be honest about your grief. Kids need to know it's natural and okay to feel misery over death, just as much as they need to see that life continues even with the addition of grief. A lot of young ones can interpret it as them doing something wrong for continuing to feel pain when all the adults around them are putting on a brave face and refusing to show sadness. It's healthy to share your feelings with family and not pretend like everything is okay. The loss of a close relative can evoke sorrow for a very long time, and there is nothing wrong with that.

ScottyMcGee · #12

Damn man. Sorry to hear. Everybody's hear for ya. You have my condolences.

Kil'jaeden · #13

[QUOTE="Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds, post: 1596082, member: 17429"]It's good to be strong and find positive distraction. It's also good to be honest about your grief. Kids need to know it's natural and okay to feel misery over death, just as much as they need to see that life continues even with the addition of grief. A lot of young ones can interpret it as them doing something wrong for continuing to feel pain when all the adults around them are putting on a brave face and refusing to show sadness. It's healthy to share your feelings with family and not pretend like everything is okay. The loss of a close relative can evoke sorrow for a very long time, and there is nothing wrong with that.[/QUOTE]

They are too young to really feel sad. The 5 year olds can't really understand this stuff. The 8 year old one can somewhat, but I already talked to him about it, as have others. The kid hates the truck driver. I know from the evidence that the truck driver is not at fault at all, he actually was injured and hit a guard rail trying to avoid this accident. He was the one on the right side of the road. Not much more I can do but explain to the poor kid. We've all talked and talked about it. Besides, I can't really express grief very well. I just can't sob or cry or anything like that. The most I did was shut down and do little to nothing for a while, after I ran out of denial. And I feel ill if I look at something of hers. My cousin is sad too, but he is also concerned with several other things like school and his own home situation. He is also 18 now and I can't really baby him anymore.

I think we are taking this better than I would have thought at first. Fights and disputes have stopped, even amongst people that don't get along. At first I thought it would start something.

Calamity Panfan · #14

Condolences for your sister Kil. We may not always get along, but we're still a family here. Hope you and your family find peace in this terrible situation.