Star Wars: The Road to CRAP

[Cap'n Boo from Timbuktu]

I think most of us will agree that the original Star Wars movies were quite a ways better than this current batch. (Especially me, as you might have guessed from the title of this thread.) What, in particular, made them so? I have some thoughts.

1. Lightsabre Shenanigans
George Lucas tells us that the movements for lightsabre combat have their basis in kendo. Looking at the early films, this is evident; most of the lightsabre duels we see feature clean, precise movements, interspersed with long intervals of calmness. Kendo's biggest focus is in studying one's opponent and trying to anticipate his movements; indeed, much of the battle is restraining one's desire to rush to the attack. (This is greatly in tune with the Jedi precepts of vanquishing aggression.) The one time we do see a Jedi lose control during a battle is in ROTJ, when Luke flips out and beats Vader down. This isn't a victory; Luke attacks out of anger, knocks Vader down, beats his sword aside, and cuts off his hand. He gave over to aggression, and, from the Emperor's cackling, it's clear that Luke was never closer to the Dark Side than at that moment.

Now, look from the old films to the new. The difference is obvious; the focus shifts from elegant swordplay to wild chopping and goofy acrobatics. There is none of the calmness of the early films. Jedi leap to the attack, showing every sign of excitement; hell, Yoda, generally considered the greatest master of them all, gives a friggin' battle cry when he attacks Count Dooku. What is that? (Not to mention, we only rarely hear these newfangled Jedi urging their Dark Jedi foes to try and redeem themselves. How can Qui-Gonn and Obi-Wan know that Darth Maul is a lost cause if they won't even talk to the guy?) Why has the graceful, calm, Jedi-like version of lightsabre combat regressed to this aggressive, nasty chop-fest? Why have the Jedi gone from Bruce Lee to Jackie Chan?

2. Models Versus CGI
The early films looked incredibly realistic. That's because everything in the movies, from the tiny ships to the giant buildings, was photographed. Cameras swung around ship models to simulate flight (luckily, Lucas realised how awful the old 'ship on a string' effect looked); huge puppets were put together. They even put together a small city in Tunisia, for the Mos Eisley bits. Everything they showed on camera was an actual object, photographed.

Unfortunately for the new films, CGI hasn't quite reached the point where it can fool the eye. That's where the whole thing falls apart. You see, realism brings about emotional involvement; when something on the screen fools the eye, it becomes 'real' to the viewer. Here's an experiment; try to remember any alien from the bar in Episode II--it's tough, isn't it? We saw them on the screen, but they were clearly digitised, and thus completely unmemorable; I can't remember much more than the stupid death-stick guy, and I've seen the movie about a dozen times. Now try remembering the crowd from Mos Eisley cantina. Hey presto! Loads easier; I've tried this out on people, and everyone mentions at least the hammerhead, the wolfman, and the devil-horned guy. Some people even go on to recall Greedo, the pinkies in the band, the butt-mouth who pushes Luke, and the "You'll be DEAD!" guy. (Extra points for the green guys with the red eyes, the twin chicks, the laughing leathery no-nosed couple, the little rat guy who squeaks when the bartender serves him, the blue-faced white hairy guy, the wedge-headed dude, the twisted-face gentleman smoking the hookah, and the pink lamprey-like thing.) You could write a book about them. (Hell, people have.) Realism makes them stand out.

3. Admiral Ackbar
The old films have Admiral Ackbar. The new ones do not. This is to their obvious disadvantage.

4. Sly Humour
Sly humour hurts, and the new films pour it on, to the point where I want to throw shoes at the screen. Example: Obi-Wan remarks to Anakin in Episode II, 'You'll be the death of me some day.' This is an in-joke to people who saw the original films (see, get it, 'cos Anakin becomes Vader, and Vader kills Obi-Wan), and in-jokes cause pain, not joy. Oh, the people who get the joke will laugh the first couple of times, and then they'll just feel headachey and depressed; whereas the people who don't get the joke could just as easily have been spared the effort.

[ March 19, 2004, 07:04 PM: Message edited by: Cap'n Boo from Timbuktu ]

[GrandAdmiral Fox]

I have to agree with you. Several good points you've mentioned. But I'm still a huge Star Wars fan.

[skemper]

Yeah, I still kind of like the new lightsaber duals. But I see your point. It does seem like they are substituting elegance for excitement.

The dialogue might have something to do with the new movies sucking, too.

[A Genius]

Everyone allready knows that the new films are inferior to the old ones, but nevertheless you make some interesting points.

-A Genius

[Wyborn]

Interestingly, the "Clone Wars" shorts on Cartoon Network are actually superior to the new movies themselves. I guess that's what you get when Tartakovsky wrestles control from Lucas.

Long live Tartakovsky!