OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUD: where we complain about popular things in media we don't like to feel better about ourselves

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I get why Togashi has been taking his sweet time writing hunter x hunter but these long hiatus's kill me and I wish he would kick it into overdrive for like 5 years and grind this thing out. It's been like 20 years man. Just feeling frustrated this morning.

I want the same to happen, but because I don't like HxH. I feel like if he wraps that up maybe he'll revisit Yu Yu Hakusho in some capacity, which would be awesome.

[steeze]

@I REALLY HATE POKEMON!

[Booyakasha]

You know, the real reason the good guys lose, and will always lose, is that they don't fight tooth-and-claw, the way the villains do. Batman will never roar and bite Joker on his face or genitals. One can imagine Joker doing that to Batman. And like how is Superman unable to defeat Lex Luthor? And why does Spider-Man expend energy on cracking wise that he could be using to punch/bite the dicks and faces of his demonstrably evil foes?

The Rebellion refuses to build a Death Star. Not even a miniature one for the sole purpose of blowing up bad guy Death Stars. Remember when, in the 'Super Mario Bros' movie, Mario liquefied Koopa with a devo ray? Why do I have to look to the 'Super Mario Bros' movie to just once see the heroes grasp the brass ring? What, is it more noble to let the bad guys win than to fight a little dirty? Ish.

James Bond murders Alec Trevalyan at the end of 'Goldeneye'. He drops him off the stupid sattelite dish with a look of sorrow on his face, when he should rightly have been cackling remorselessly. Alec Trevalyan was a butthole. He wanted to steal all the money ever, thereby plunging the world into chaos. Why don't heroes get real? Why are they such crybabies?

Why doesn't Mickey Mouse man up and shoot Pete the Cat right in his goshdarn eyeball? I wanna know. Pete the Cat is evil. On top of which, cats eat mice all the dang time. Why doesn't Mickey execute him and thereby earn the thanks of a better Pete-less world? It's an obvious move. Shoot him and dance exultantly as he dies. It boggles the mind. Mickey wears gloves, and won't get his hands dirty. Moral coward. This is why Donald Duck is objectively better. He's a psycho. Hell, he's a sailor! He joined up to fight the Axis! What, was Mickey a conscientious objector? Because ugh.

How many enemy ships did Donald personally torpedo and send to the briny depths? I bet it was lots.

[Booyakasha]

Remember when Indy shot that assh*le in the marketplace in 'Raiders'? Indy's such a champ. The world needs more Indies and Wickets, more mean pissy little Jubilees. More Tophs. Fewer weepy-eyed sleazebags like Frodo. Frodo can go eat a big bag of crap. I'm so sick of Frodo I could effing puke.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

To be fair, he's from a species of weak little s****, so he's as manly as they come. He's an alpha among Hobbits, even though he acts like he's addicted to Sam's "cooking". Just different standards, can't all be a Boromir or a Gimli.

[Booyakasha]

There's nothin wrong with hobbits. Merry and Pippin and Fatty effin Bolger are cool dudes.

Frodo and Sam are perfectly capable of sucking ass all on their own.

[Booyakasha]

Frodo fails. He lets the Ring in. He comes from the very lap of luxury, the richest man in the Shire by far and away, and he doesn't rise to the level of Elrond, Gandalf, or even that turd Galadriel. They all turn the Ring down.

I'll give Frodes the bennie of the doubt----------Ringbearing is probably hard. The Ring is always whispering mysterious oogabooga talk at you. You're dumb and barefoot, and you got nothing to eat but lembas-bread. Also you're distracted, trying to look after Gollum. I bet it sucks a lot. But still, it must be said, Frodo fails.

Luke Skywalker gets tempted, and he passes. George goldang Bailey gets tempted, and he passes, too. Frodo fails.

And like let's not even talk about Sam. He's evil and stinky, end of sentence.

[Booyakasha]

You know, people crap all over Ralph Bakshi's cartoon version of LotR, but it's okay.

Parts of it are way better than the Peter Jackson version. The Frodo v. Galadriel scene, for instance. Galadriel doesn't have a hideous CGI freakout. She laughs at Frodo nicely, mocks him gently, treats kindly with him. It's nice.

When Frodo and Bilbo part ways at Rivendell...in Peter Jackson's version, Bilbo does the scary monster-mash face. The Bakshi version, Bilbo reaches for the Ring, and his hands tremble, and he stops himself, covers his face and weeps. It's a little subtle. It's better.

Bakshi's version of Boromir's death is better. Aragorn looks more desparate, like he gives a crap. Like a person looking after and caring after a mighty kamerad in his last instance. In Bakshi's version it was John Hurt, not Viggo Mortensen. John Hurt is better.

[Booyakasha]

Enough of the verdammte 'Lord of the Who Cares'. I'll tell you what I like, is 'Dick Tracy', the 1990 movie. It's dynamite. Visually splendid. It's so weird and off-putting. I wanna see more of Warren Beatty crusading acrost the screen, bold as a badger, clad in his yaller. I love it. Dick Tracy and the Amazing Technicolour Trenchcoat. Punchin out ten baddies at once, as though he were Popeye or He-Man or the Punisher or somthin. Hard-hitter.

You know, the music is a rad tag-team of Danny Elfman and Stephen Sondheim. 'Sooner or Later' is one of the best things ever. It's almost unbelievable. (EDIT: It won an Oscar, after all, clearly I'm not the only one liked it.)

Madonna isn't much of a much as an actress, but she kinda steals the show as Breathless. She's good. She looks like a slice of fried gold, too. Always a plus. I'd say this is her big show. Better even than she was in 'A League of Their Own'. Good for her.

[EDIT:...holy crap. Dick Tracy, fighting it out with Big Boy's boys, blazing away at Itchy and Flat-top with his tommy gun. No music. Everything kasploding all around him. When did 'Dick Tracy' get the grittiest action scene this side of 'The Searchers'?

[Booyakasha]

So here's a hot take---------big Danny Kaye fan, here. 'White Christmas', 'Wonder Man', 'Merry Andrew', 'On the Double', and especially 'The Court Jester'. Danny Kaye could do it all, man---------physical comedy, verbal swordplay, mistaken identity, doubletalk and tomfoolery, mimicry, song-and-dance, even a bit of fencing (he looks about as convincing against Basil Rathbone, fencing champion of the British Army in his day, as Errol Flynn ever did). Going from champ to imbecile and back again in a heartbeat. Had a lovely singing voice, and boy but he could do drama when he wanted. Check out 'Skokie'. Not a great film, but Kaye was great in it. Played an aging Holocaust survivor---------wanted to fight the neo-ratzis looking to march his town. 'I will not go home-----I will not pull down the window-shades! Not this time.' Goosebumps, man.

[Booyakasha]

...I like when people are kind to wild animals. It's the good kind of bootless endeavour-----------being nice just to be nice. Shepherding the weak is a noble errand.

[Apollo the Just]

Boo i cant believe you spent a whole page dunking on Frodo im so mad right now like i hated movie Frodo too but then i read the books and now i am king of the Frodo defense squad. Frodo fought so, so hard and is stronger than you give him credit for. you wanna fight

[Booyakasha]

I thought I was pretty generous. I allowed that Ringbearing was a pretty tough gig, didn't I.

Frodo tries to take the Ring at the end! He turns evil, the lousy little fink! There's no excuse to be made for turning evil. What the hell is his deal? Who does he think he is, Anakin or something?

He's only just spent more than one book seeing how badly the Ring screwed up Gollum, and he doesn't interpret that as a cautionary tale. Is he literally the stupidest person in Middle-Earth? What is wrong with him? I mean, did the Shelob-poison make him mentally challenged? Is he okay?

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

I think you underestimate the influence of the Ring, Boo. Almost anyone else would've turned evil even faster under it, seems like an inevitability and the only thing one can do is resist for as long as possible. The LotR universe has characters rooted in reality, a bit of ying and yang--everyone has potential for evil and the Ring just draws that out. If they put my boy Goku in a crossover he'd surely be able to hold onto the ring no problem, pure as he is. Frodo probably thinks of stealing cookies, crushes on Sam, and doesn't tip even when the waitress does a fine job, of course he'd eventually crack.

[Booyakasha]

Oh, do come off it. Gandalf, Elrond and Galadriel all tell the Ring to go piss off. How hard can it possibly be.

Frodo doesn't have an excuse. If the Dark Side can't corrupt Luke, if Potter cain't corrupt George Bailey, then Frodo doesn't have an excuse.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Gandalf didn't tell the Ring to piss off though, actually, he fearfully foisted it upon poor dumb Frodo because he knew he wouldn't last in possession of it. Film Theory also did a deep lore dive and according to him, basically another reason Frodo was chosen is because he is weak. There's less to corrupt and so it takes more time and there's less risk if/when he succumbs, unlike if a powerful being like Gandalf had it.

The Force is different, that's all choice and emotions and stuff, it's up to one's self. The Dark Side isn't a physical object drilling into you like the Ring, something you can just dump on a dumb Hobbit like the Ring. Luke would eventually succumb to the Ring as well, maybe sooner, but he eventually would. The Dark Side isn't a ticking time bomb, these forces just work differently.

I don't like Frodo too much but canon-wise, he really wasn't at fault, fairly.

[Booyakasha]

Choosing a weak-willed knock-kneed wienerhead to carry the Ring was a bad idea. As was setting him down the path with a total moron for company. 'Good news, Mister Frodo! I was down by the river taking a peepee when these nice black rider fellas came along----------I traded them the One Ring for some magic beans!! They also gave me some rocks that they said would turn into candy if I sucked on them long enough!!' What a putz.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

You know, I never actually read the books, but this got me looking into it. So I suppose you're technically right that it was a bad idea to choose Frodo, but only because in the book there's apparently someone named Tom Bombadil who they should've at least attempted to urge into doing their bidding, but to my knowledge they didn't even try. It's an inevitability that the Ring consumes a person according to Gandalf, but Tom is the sole exception (and I assume Eru, maybe the Valar) and they just straight-up ignore him!

[Booyakasha]

I don't know. Read 'em if you're really, really bored, maybe.

You could probably get a copy of 'Big Man Plans' cheaper. Just sayin.

[Valigarmander]

^^ In Rivendell they discuss and dismiss Tom Bombadil as a possibility because he literally does not give a **** about anything, and would not care enough to get the job done.