Ask Dr. Donez: Dumb and Donezer

[Valigarmander]

Since Dr. Donez has been very busy for the last nine months, I, Fred the Spanyard, will be answering his mail for him.


Question #1864: Why?
Because.

Question #1865: Who stole my Cocoa Crisp? I need those to live! LIIIIIVEEEEE!!!!!
Oh, sorry. That was me.

Question #1866: [strike]Donez[/strike] Fred, when will Mario knock himself out with a bardiche?
Hopefully by next week, I want that $20 pot.

Question #1867: If Mario is right behind you, what color are the Bus Driver's eyes?
The bus driver has no eyes, moron.

Question #1868: When will I ever get that Wii?
Never, because you are not worthy.

Question #1869: Why DID Maxwell hit all those poor people with his Silver Hammer?
Probably because they kept asking him questions.

Question #1870: Why do I hate Mountain Dew?
Because you weren't raised in the South.

Question #1871: Can I have the Deathzooka?
Sure, go crazy.

Question #1872: Why do you get a close-up every time someone mentions your name?
I don't. That's Donez. Jay gives it to him because Donez is a leg-humping butt-kisser. That would be me, but nooo, apparently Jay gets nervous whenever I'm around his butt.

Question #1873: Dr. Donez?
No, this is Fred. Where the hell do these keep coming from? Isn't this the Ask Fred a Question thread?

Question #1874: Why now?
Because if it were any time, it wouldn't make sense.

Question #1875: Dr. Donez, if you're so smart, why haven't you taken over the world yet? I DEMAND THE TRUTH!!
Oh, here we go with Donez again. Next!

Question #1876: Does Jay need to update NC more often?
Yes, seeing as I want to find out what the heck Project AARDVARK is.

Question #1877: Does Jay Resop's pants make his butt look giant?
Of course, but again, he doesn't like me near his butt.

Question #1878: If you were Mario, what would you do?
Strangle myself to death with my own intestines.

Question #1879: Which foods or whatever in McDonald's do you eat?
Uh, they don't serve tacos, so I usually just blow McDonalds up.

Question #1880: SNAKE? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?
Man, how long have these questions been sitting here?

Question #1881: What is love?
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Question #1882: Why do the two teams left in the AFC playoffs have to be teams I hate?
Because frankly you're a lame person and everybody hates you, so the Illuminati have come together to make your life as miserable as possible.

Question #1883: What do you want?!
I want the questions to end.

Question #1884: What is love and why is it necessary to grow carrots with?
See question #1881, and because carrots are needy.

Question #1885: Are you toon enough?
Damn kids and their slang...

Question #1886: Are you a bad enough dude?
Damn kids and their slang...

Question #1887: So what are TIGERS made out of?
Dragonflies and katydids, but mostly chewed-up little kids.

Question #1888: Why are boobies so damn great?
Because they're bouncy and fun to play with.
Still Question #1888: I'm talking about birds, btw.
As was I.

Question #1889: Why are boobies so damn great?
Wait... didn't I just answer this?
Still Question #1889: I'm not talking about birds, btw.
Really? What else is there?

Question #1890: When are you going to reply?
After I figure out the meaning of life. Frankly, it's a bit more important than your peoples' dumb questions.

Question #1891: Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president, and have you already been asked this?
I found out the meaning of life: it's tacos.

Question #1892: can you stop the rock?
Oh crap. *ducks*

Question #1893: dont you wish you're girl friend was hot like me?
I found out the second meaning of life: killing stupid people.

Question #1894: Do you have change for a dollar?
Do you take Spanish Pieces of Eight?

Question #1895: Are we piling the questions on you?
Uh, sure.

Question #1896: If you're so damn smart, why don't you just make Jay do all of your work?
Because he doesn't listen to me anymore. Him and his damn girlfriend.

Question #1897: What ever happened to Tweeter #1?
I killed him. And is this another Donez question? What the hell?

Question #1898: (Dr. Donez will try to get to these in the next day or two. Please be patient.)
Donez again! This is my topic, you jerks!

Question #1899: Why is Jay telling us that you'll be answering us? WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?!? SPEEEEEAAAAKKK!!!
No, he's telling us that Donez will be answering you. Jeez, in one ear and out the other.

Question #1900: Will you get to these in a day or two? And should I be patient?
Congratulations! You've asked me my 1900th question! As a reward, you get an expired coupon!

And no.

Question #1901: Who is hotter, Peach or Daisy? Say Peach and you die.
Peach.

Question #1902: I only have one question, Dr. Donez: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
God damn it, I'm Fred the Spanyard, not Dr. Donez!

Question #1903: Why won't you return our calls?
Because I don't have a phone.

Question #1904: What is your name?
Oscar Wilde.

Question #1905: What is your quest?
Something about me eating Bill.

Question #1906: What is your favorite color?
Death.

Question #1907: Can I borrow you're shrink ray?
No, but Dr. Donez has... ahh, damn it! Stop it!

Question #1908: When are you going to reply?
When are you going to shut up?

Question #1909: Is Uncyclopedia truthful?
Never trust anything that starts with a "U".

Question #1910: Why am I asking this question?
Because you flunked kindergarten, I'm guessing.

Question #1911: Why do I not want to stop asking questions?
Because you have no life.

Question #1912: [Insert question here]?
[Insert in-your-face answer here].

Question #1913: why do people ask you so many stupid questions?
Look in a mirror, kid.

Question #1914: And do you think of your species as merely a bird version of shyguys?
No, we're not birds at all.

Question #1915: Also, how can you exist when you were merely a part of Mario's dream? How can shyguys exist? Birdos? Pidgets? (Yea, I mean Bill, too)
Because the Almighty Jay deems it possible.

Question #1916: Are you a bird, mamal, Reptile, fish, or amoeba life form?
None of the above, doofus, I'm an insect. I have an external skeleton and I like to bite people.

Question #1917: Where's Waldo?
You just missed him, he said he was going over to Jane's. She hasn't been returning his calls (she doesn't have a phone either).

Question #1918: Dr. Donez, do you have carpitunnel?
Aaaghhh!!!

Question #1919: When the hell are you going to answer these? Ooooooh, unless your life is too important for us lifeless losers. Life-haver!
I don't have a life. You're thinking about Jay.

Question #1920: omg wen iz jay gonna updat i men rly im sik of wating itz not lik he haz a lif!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn't I just answer this? Only in comprehensible text?

Question #1921: are assiosiated with dr.donut?
You know what, after this topic, I don't want to be associated with any doctors. Screw them.

[VG_Addict]

When will Star Wars 7, 8, and 9 come out?

Did you know?


Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?


Have you ever watched Robot Chicken? It's pretty cool.

[Microphone_Kirby]

Can I copy you?

[Red]

Why did the chicken cross the road, only to be hit by a car?

[DarkZero]

Why does Pepsi taste better than Coke?

(if you wanna know why i brought this up, go here: forums/polls-forum/56009-cola-discussion-clergy.html)

[Rainbow Dash]

When will Donez be back?

[Greenmarioman]

[DarkZero]

When is now?

[the bobs]

Can I be confusing when you want for you for me to be?

[DarkZero]

Who is this?

[Red]

Who is that masked man?

[DarkZero]

"EEK! It's animated!"


Why is he afraid of a banner?

[Frumie]

What do all toasters toast?

Who?

Am I wasting your time?

[Red]

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

[DarkZero]

Why am I trapped in a rectangle?

[Speed]

Fred/Donez/Bill/Churro/Jill/Jay/Lord Reid/Bob Dole/Any Guru
what is the point of my life?

[Red]

Why is ther a number called pie?

[da ultimat NC yo]

Doctor Donez!

WHO... IS Doctor Donut? IS HE UUUUUUUU IS DISGISE!!!!!!!!1123213

WHY IS I ADDICTED 2 PIEEEEEEEEE and cheese

[Greenmarioman]

Can I smack him? please?

[sponge bob lol]

docter donez

sup donez?