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This match is being judged by starblade, Kirbyboy2000 picks battlefield a gets first post. LETS GET IT ON!!!!

OoC: I hate you Internet connection. ;_; *Rewrites entire thing from start*

Toruun Pass was certainly an odd land form. Made of dozens of small mountains jutting out of the dark sea, each fairly close together or connected; it didn't take much for a working land route to be built across it to connect the continents on either side of it. It was a difficult route to cross under normal circumstances, but only the brave or foolish would dare to travel during the stormy season.

The assassin Letios walks along a path on the mountainside, a slight grin across his serpentine face as coins cling together at his side with each step he takes. He is fairly tall, yet it is difficult to tell exactly as he is draped in a long black cloak that covers most of his body; except for his face and the long tail that follows behind him, dragging a metal chain behind him as it does.

He stops moving and stares off into the distance with his yellow eyes almost glowing in the darkness. Lightning crashes down to the sea from the black clouds hanging in the sky, illuminating a figure a distance away. Letios hisses and reaches within his cloak for a dagger with his grey scaled claws. Continuing through the harsh rains and darkness he walks towards the dark figure, his grin even larger than it was before and a slightly crazed look in his eyes.

OoC (...again): Sorry its kind of short and stuff; writing isn't my best subject and introductions I'm even worse at... Basically if I'm not attacking or talking in it I really need to struggle to make it longer. -_-;; Also, as before, if you want to know anything about the fight feel free to ask.

OoC:Hmmmmm its Potter time


The dark figure stands amidst the haze of lightning and clouds, all that can be seen of the figure is its shape. Then the dark figure walks from the mixed haze to show his true identity. A tall being wrapped in a blackish purple robe, his head cannot be seen because of the hood that hides his facial features. His arms are long and covered by the robes. His fingers are long and boney, his skin is pale and smooth. In his right hand, the mysterious figure clutches a wand. The wand does not look as though it is made of wood but rather pearly bone. The handle is in the shape of what looks like, an eagle claw. the shaft of the wand is pearly and has tiny black spots running down the sides of it. The dark figure finally begins to take down his hood to reveal a bonechilling sight. The figure has a pale bald head. no hair can be seen on his face; no head hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes nor any facial hair. his eye pupils are red and his eyepouches are purple and sick looking. The figure is none other then the legendary dark wizard Voldemort.

Voldemort- "Ahhh...finally a planet I can use to manifest my powers. O how I love Apportation. A little clammy I suppose...I shall fix that soon enough..."

Letios looks at the wizard not knowing what to exactly think. He crawls behind a jagged rock to get a better look at the wizard.

Voldemort- "I have a small feeling I am being watched"

Voldemort looks back to the jagged rock. Letios arises from the rock and looks at Voldemort coldly.

Letios- " I overheard you murmering about conquering this planet for yourself...not if I have anything to say about it..."

Voldemort- "Ah, I see, a young hero presume? Or maybe a rougue trying to make a name for himself. I do recommend that you... you step aside, and I may very well spare you."

looking at each other with a power struggle in their minds, they mentally clash...but physically Voldemort waits for the right time to attack.

OoC: I'm not too in touch with the series, but I'll be good and do some research on spells I can make you use. Either way, I'm sort of having trouble seeing how this will turn out... It'll be interesting in the least I suppose... /ooc

Is he really serious? A sickly looking old man thinks he's a threat to me? Heheh... Letios thought to himself, his grin growing.

"And... what is so funny?" The Dark Lord questioned Letios.

"You are." is the only reply the Feruos gives as he steps towards the wizard.

"Insolent fool..." He lifts his wand and points it at the serpent and then speaks one word, "...Crucio."

A grin goes across Voldemort's face as he watches the serpent fall to the ground, a dagger clanging against the ground as his grip on it is weakened. Letios lets out a deep growl as pain flows through his entire body, trying not to let it overcome his body and mind. He slowly gets up onto his knees, sweat beading down his face and his entire body shaking slightly.

"You could at least scream for mercy... maybe then I would let you live." The Dark Lord taunts.

"B... Bastard..." He yells back, searching the ground beneath his cloak for the dropped dagger. He takes it into his hands and quickly throws it at the wizard.

"Reducto" he replies, pointing his wand at the dagger, it seemingly vanishing from the face of the earth.

Letios growls as he rises, the effects of the previous curse placed on him fading. He glares at Voldemort with his piercing yellow eyes, a look of pure hatred within them. He rushes towards the wizard, the metal chain clanging behind him as he does. Voldemort raises his wand over his head, green sparks gathering around it as he prepares his most deadly spell. He points it at the serpent- who is suddenly a lot closer to him than he was at the start...

The clawed hand of Letios digs into the wizard's chest as he thrusts his hand at him. He pushes at him, throwing him upward at the wall of the mountainside. The Dark Lord lands on another path of the mountainside, the path leading down into a cave built through the mountain.

Letios hissed and began to climb up the wall in pursuit of his prey. He pulls himself up onto the other path and looks around for the wizard ready to strike again.

OoC: That should do, hopefully I'm not going to far pulling out the deadly spells already... Sorry for the wait, It takes me a while to come up with something I like most of the time...

Pain

Voldemort landed hard on the ground, sliding through the mud and leaving a dark crimson trail behind him. He did not need to remove his robe to inspect his wounds; Letios had torn a hole in his clothing large enough to stick his head through. Thankfully, the hole in his flesh was slightly smaller.

Voldemort scrambled about in the mud until his bony fingers wrapped around his wand, and then rose slowly to his feet. He winced with pain as the motion disturbed the wound. The tear in his torso would not be fatal, but it certainly was not fun. Voldemort was not accustomed to physical attacks, and his frail body groaned as he stood.

He watched as the first claw of his opponent reached over the edge of the cliff. Slowly, cautiously, the second claw followed. Finally, in one smooth motion, Letios hoisted himself up over the edge and scanned through the darkness for a split second before locking onto the wizard.

“So the old man isn’t invincible after all,” the assassin mocked him.

Voldemort responded only by pointing his wand at the creature, silently daring him to move.

Letios silently reached inside his cloak and wrapped his hand around another of his seemingly infinite throwing knives before re-emerging with the weapon. He tensed, waiting for the wizard to try something.

Voldemort broke the silence by stating in a casual tone, “Lumos.”

An intense flash of light projected from the wand, lighting the entire area and forcing Letios’ eyes shut. The light itself was not blinding, but the serpent’s sensitive oculars made matters worse. The light from the spell illuminated the area, revealing the knife in Letios’ hand.

-----------------------------------------

Letios stood stunned, unable to see his opponent. He held his arms up in a defensive position, planning to deflect an incoming fireball or whatever the wizard threw at him.

“Expeleramus!”

Although Letios could not see what the wizard was doing, he could vividly feel the knife leaving his hand as it was wrenched away by an impossibly overpowering force. Knowing he could not stand there unprotected any longer, the assassin made tracks, scrambling through the now well-lit area and searching for cover.

-----------------------------------------

Voldemort watched in amusement as his opponent ran in an unsteady fashion, searching for something to hide behind. He watched as the snakeman found a large oak tree and hid behind it, guiding himself with his hands rather than his eyes.

“Ingardium leviosa,” the warlock whispered.

An invisible force slowly lifted Voldemort from the ground, freeing him from the iron grip of gravity. He flowed, not walked, toward the tree...

------------------------------------------

On the other side of the tree, Letios crouched down low, listening for movement as his eyes slowly recovered.

Why can’t I hear him? There’s no sound...

Letios’ body tensed, unsure of what the wizard would pull. his tension was compounded by the fact that he knew the wizard must still be nearby, but he could not hear him at all.

“Expecting company, iguana?”

The assassin lurched to a standing position as the cackling voice taunted him from a location not very far from where he stood.

He must have circled around to my side...

The serpent warrior strained his eyes to see, and could tell from the shadows around him that the light spell had worn off. He could make out the shape of the wizard a mere twenty feet away. The wizard was stupid to get so close; Letios could cover that distance in three seconds flat.

Letios sprung forward, this time drawing a larger blade as he ran. Rather than throw the blasted weapon again (which had already proven pointless), he would run the blade through the wizard’s heart.

His machinegun footsteps pounded against the ground as he charged. His leg muscles coiled as he prepared to leap onto the wizard, who was slowing backing away.

The leap never came; rather, the assassin dug his heels into the ground and screeched to a halt mere inches from the cliff’s edge. Voldemort hovered in midair about seven feet beyond the cliff’s edge. Letios looked down at the fall he had just narrowly avoided. The cliff extended downward at a sharp angle for nearly sixty feet. He would probably have survived the drop, but smashing his body into the jagged rocks and trees and debris all the way down would have been an extremely bumpy ride, to say the least.

“Accio.... tree!”

Letios turned to face the source of a giant ripping sound. The huge oak he had just been using for shelter had torn its way free of the earth and was making a beeline for Voldemort, propelled by a magic force and leaving a trail of loose soil and earthworms as it flew. Regrettably for Letios, he was between the tree and the wizard.

The tree smashed into Letios, knocking him over the edge like a baseball bat slamming into a ping pong ball.

Remember that bumpy ride?

Letios rolled down the entire length of the cliff’s edge while Voldemort silently ascended, the tree missing him completely. Letios cursed the wizard all the way done as he physically re-enacted the mental picture of his body crashing down the side of the mountain. He finally came to a rest at the bottom of the cliff, roughly twenty feet from the water’s edge. He let out a sigh of relief upon realizing that he lived through the fall, though he was considerably banged up.

He sharply inhaled that same sigh, however, as the tree landed on him.

Growls came from under the oak as it began to slowly roll backwards. Letios lifted his body, rolling the tree backwards off of the steep cliff. The black cloak was torn to shreds and covered in dirt, and though the serpent's body was not as injured, there were several small cuts across it from the fall. The most damage was at his side though, a tear made from a sharp rock while he dropped.

He rose to his feet, grasping at his side and breathing irregularly. He tore off most of his cloak, wrapping it around his waist to slow the bleeding at his side. He looked up the cliff, the figure of the Dark Lord looked down on him from above.

"So... the lizard lives..." He said down upon his foe.

Letios growled and swiftly began to scale the side of the cliff. The wizard slowly walked toward the edge and looked down on the serpent, quickly coming closer and closer towards him. He points his wand down at him and yet another spell leaves his mouth. "Depulso"

By an unknown force, Letios is thrown down the side of the cliff despite his efforts to hold on; managing to catch himself halfway down with his claws, now bloody from the sharp rocks and force of the fall. He looked up at the wizard, his yellow eyes seemingly glowing. With a kick, he leaps off of the wall, upwards towards the wizard while grabbing an object at his waist within his right arm.

He lands and almost immediately swings with a long dagger towards the wizard's chest; failing as another quick casting of Expelliarmus sends it flying backwards into the sea. Letios growls and slams his claw at the center of Voldemort's chest, pushing him backwards towards the mountainside.

The Dark Lord pointed his wand towards Letios, who was already charging towards him, with blue sparks leaping across his arms. He mouthed the words of a spell, yet no words were able to escape his mouth, his breath weak from the previous attack. Despite that, a spell was still cast, creating a tear across the assassin's chest. It did little to stop him however, seemingly only enraging the serpent, as it thrust its arm at Voldemort once more and grabbed him by his neck, lightning jumping from its arm to the body of the Dark Lord. Letios smiled as he lifted his foe into the air, before casting him aside; throwing him to the edge of the cliff, just before the long drop downward.

Letios grabbed at his chest with one arm, trying to steady his breathing after the constant string of attacks thrown both on and by him. He was unsure of how much more he would be able to continue. A frown went across his face and anger filled his eyes as the wizard began to rise to his feet once again. Hoping to end this before he recovered and continued with his attacks, Letios quickly pulled a knife from his side and threw it towards the wizard...

OoC: The more this goes on, the more I feel I need to come up with more interesting moves... The feeling I'm probably bad at long battles too...

The knife flew toward Voldemort. Voldemort shifted his body to the side of the knife, but not before it slit the side of his neck. Voldemort’s eyes widened as he grabbed his neck frantically, attempting to reduce the bleeding a little. This was having no effect, seeing that the wound was deep enough to show his esophagus.. He regained control of his body which was slowly trying to escape consciousness. Then , when it seemed Voldemort would take his last fall he put his wand up to the wound and cast a charm on it. The wand tip glowed a dark purple color and seemed to dry the blood that was coming from the wound. The wound completely stopped bleeding, but it still gaped open. In a half coughing and half talking voice Voldemort speaks.

Voldemort-“Your…Attack…was quite well planned…but you… will need more then a knife...to take down me…”

Letios looked on in shock, he was astonished that a man could survive such a deadly blow as that one, but Voldemort was no mere man. Voldemort paced vigorously seemingly to think in his mind of his next move.

Voldemort (thinking)- This Lizard won’t go down as easy as I thought he would, yet, none the less, I will make his suffer for his attack on my life.

Voldemort looked at Letios, pain was evident in his body, but Voldemort did well in not showing it. Voldemort charged toward Letios; Letios braced himself in a defensive stance to counterattack. But then Voldemort stopped

Voldemort- “Sectumsempra!!!!!”

Suddenly a force hit Letios’s chest. The force felt like a sledgehammer hitting his chest, and the pain was as searing as a sword piercing the heart. Letios fell backwards clutching his chest, it had a gaping gash that started at his shoulder and ended at his opposite side’s lower rib. The wound was bleeding badly, and it was hard for him to regain his composure, but somehow through all the pain Letios did.

Letios- Is….that all…….you got….Voldemort. Letios clutched his wound with his arm and was bleeding from his mouth.

“Serpensortia!!!!”

Immediately a very long and thick black snake appeared on the ground.

Voldemort- “A lizards worst enemy…a snake…lucky that I am a parseltongue…he wont hurt me…but rather, he will obey me!”

Then Voldemort spoke in a whispery slithery voice to the snake, and the snake advanced on Letios. In the back of Letios’s mind he was not afraid of the snake but to his immediate thoughts, the last thing he wanted to do was get bitten. Slowly Letios backed away seeming trying to trap the snake somehow, when something hindered his plan, he tripped over a rock and fell backwards! The snake took attack position and just before he was about to sink his fangs in Letios’s leg Voldemort whispered in the same slithery whispery voice he did before and then he uttered a spell.

Voldemort- “Reducio…Imperius!!!”

The snake shrank into the size of a small, almost invisible to the naked eye, worm...it looked like it was running away from Voldemort, and crawled onto Letios, then crawled into his chest wound and disapeared.

Voldemort-"What the…."

Voldemort looked furious.

Letios- What went wrong, Voldemort’s spell seems to not have worked properly…his spells…somehow they must be beginning to work improperly…

Voldemort looked at his wand with furious bitter eyes, but tried not to show weakness to Letios.

Now maybe victory could be achieved, but seemed far away…

OoC: Sorry for the wait... Little desire or inspiration to do much lately among some other things. Also, it might seem sort of weird in parts, I started this and then pretty much finished it like 2-3 days later...

Letios growled. I don't think I can keep this up for much longer, I'll have to take him out soon or it will be the end of me... Letios' eyes closed, exaustion making his vision fade. He opens his eyes immediately after. This might be my only shot...

He reached to his side and grabbed another dagger, placing it into his right claw. He quickly dashed towards the wizard and thrust the dagger into his chest, using enough force to force him down the side of the cliff as well. Letios followed after him, keeping the dagger pressed to Voldemort's chest as they both fell.

They crash to the ground, the image of the Dark Lord vanishes as it hits the dirt. Letios hits the ground, most of the impact falling upon his legs, with the rest of his body following it moments later.

"Grraah... What? How the hell?" Letios questioned outward in rage.

"You're strong... but it... means little in the world of magic..." The Dark Lord's voice spoke to him, the words weak. "You're... a fool... falling right into a trap..." He laughed slightly, and then began to hiss once more.

"What are you... Argh-!" Letios screamed, grasping at his chest in agony. It felt as though his heart was inside of a vice, tightening more and more by the second.

Letios' body collapsed onto the ground, grabbing at his chest and gasping for air. Voldemort smiled as Letios' body stopped squirming along the ground, and began to walk away, plans of what to make of this world already in his head. Suddenly he stopped, a sharp pain dug into his back. He immediately turned around and looked downward at the serpent. Letios was on his knees, standing within a pool of his blood, which grew bigger by the second. He had little life left in him, but he refused to go down without a struggle.

"Hah... You... should make sure... you actually won... before you leave..." Letios panted, staring upwards at the blurred figure of Voldemort.

OoC: My mind isn't cooporating with me too well right now. This will be my last post for this; not that I think Letios could go on much further anyway. Feel free to end this in whichever way to want I suppose...

K.0

Voldemort- “AHHHHH!!!!! “

a dagger stuck directly into his back along with the one in his chest.

Voldemort- “You.....You bastard.......You think you can kill me....... “

Voldemort land on the ground crawling slowly away from Letios. Voldemort's wounds were very, very painful but were not fatal if he received attention for them soon.

Voldemort- You will die...Letios...I will come back to this world...and I will use it to harvest my power and you will not be able to stop me because you will be dead.....

Letios laid there and looked at Voldemort and spoke

Letios- This snake inside me will die from a lack of Oxygen and I will soon be able to stand on my feet to kill you!!!! VOLDEMORT

Voldemort smiled...


Voldemort- "Letios, I must say you have fought well, and you are wise with the muggle arts but dumb with magical arts. Remember when I sent that giant serpent to kill you and then I issued a spell and it reduced the snake...You fell into a trap my friend, I reduced the snake to be almost naked to the human eye as I said before, making you think that my spell failed..."


Letios looked at Voldemort eyes quivering and puzzled...

Voldemort- “In all reality I wanted the snake to become small and then I made you think the snake was running away from me when I issued another curse to it...I made no mistake at all. You see I took control over the snakes body with the Imperius curse and i forced it to crawl inside your wound and stay inside your body…”

Letios felt his wound and felt his chest, it still felt like his heart was in a vise grip and he felt the snake squirming around inside him looking from some way to exit his body to intake oxygen.

Voldemort- " So my friend, the snake is still inside you squirming, and yes it will die if it stays in there much longer. So lets get him some oxygen then, just as I have made him very, very small I can make him very, very big also...."

Letios grabbed his chest looking very angry and knowing what would happen next....

Voldemort- Engorgio!!!!!!!!!!!

Letios screamed.

Letios- "NOOOOOOO!"


The snake that was inside Letios’s body was growing very rapidly, Letios's chest began to expand and bulge outward, his mouth started gushing blood...The snake was expanding so rapidly that at any minute the inevatable would happen….

Voldemort unstably wobbled to his feet and clutched his wounds. He was looking on as Letious fell becoming unconscious from the pain. Letios’s chest was bulging outward even more, stretching and cracking bones as it expanded.

Voldemort- “Once my wounds are mended, I will be back to this planet and this time….their will be no more assassins to stop me.”

Voldemort suddenly vanished…Leaving a ravaged Letios lying on the barren ground….

Judgment

Good job to both of you.

Abbadon: You've got far more talent now most people have after months of practice. That second post (especially the tree-dropping part) was particularly well done. You also have good strategic thinking, planting the snake in him in one post and then springing the trap in the next. Overall, I'm impressed. That was one heck of showing for a first timer. Might want to invest in a spell checker, though, and make sure that your battle could pass English 101.

KB2000: Very nicely done. Your grammar, spelling, and sentence structure are definitely above par. You also did a good job of acknowledging damage dealt by your opponent, which in this case was fairly extensive. You might want to consider hitting your opponent a little harder, though, as it seems that Abbadon's posts were far more devastating. Don't be so generous; your posts are your opportunity to destroy your opponent, not RP them into killing you.

Kudos to KB for knowing when it was time to surrender, a lot of members are too stubborn to let their characters die.

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Selene, I believe this topic awaits your more in-depth scrutiny.

Dwar.

Apologies for taking so long. My judgement on this should be up within the week. Look forwards to it.

Did you think I had forgotten?

Judgement 1: Kirby Boy 2000

Spelling: 5/5 Borderline perfect. There was only one thing that looked like a result of a spelling error here- some coins 'cling'ed, instead of 'clink'ing.

Length: 9/10 Excellent. You had some run-on sentences where you were tacking too many phrases onto one another, but for the most part, you said what you wanted to, described what you wanted to, and didn't use excess of words nor short yourself.

Writing Suitability: 7/10 Very good. You don't have much style to your writing, but what there was was quite well-suited towards the scene, the type of battle, and the manner of fighting your character used. My only advice here would be to develop your writing style a bit more- it's lacking something to make it really distinct.

Reality: 10/15 Very good. You maintained a sense of reality and the characters' surroundings all through the fight, without ever leaving the reader behind, swamping them, or forgetting important details. There are some issues with lack of clarity in a few points, as to what your character is doing, but for the most part you've got a solid basis here. You could have standed to use the environment a bit more yourself, but you didn't do any worse at it than Abbadon did either.

Suspension of Disbelief: 10/15 Very good. You really didn't explain much of anything here- on the other hand, you didn't have to. This leaves this category without much to signify. Your character didn't ignore anything that happened, though, nor did you, so you're getting a good score here.

Grammar: 5/20 Your! Grammar! Needs Work Badly! Not only did you have a lot of issues slipping between past and present tense (which impacts several categories because it's so important), you had a number of other issues. You used a semicolon where you needed a continuational 'therefore' rather than a break in the sentence as a 'therefore'- this was in your initial description of the mountains. The more pronouns you use, the more effort you need to use to smooth out the sentence, as compensation for jerking the reader's mind to previously mentioned people, places, and things. Expressions never 'go' across faces, that would imply either traversing it to get somewhere else, or something rather unsanitary. In the second post, your sentence structure overall was rather poor and full of gaps and jerks. In your last post, you had your character grab a weapon and place it into his claw- by claw, do you mean the sharp keratin on the end of a digit, or the clawed hand itself? How did he grab it, THEN place it in his 'claw'? Did he grab it with the left hand for some reason? Finally, he was 'on his knees, standing in a pool of blood'. When you're on your knees, you're kneeling. It seems at times like you'd do just fine without a thesaurus, and at other times, you seem to be grasping for alternative words.

Description: 15/20 Very good. You should have an 18 or so in this. You really should. However, while you continue describing little bits of your character or his opponent in the course of the battle, you have not one (expected) gaping hole in description in the form of a lack of reiteration about the area in general (though you did a good job with new elements), but two. The second hole is utterly unforgivable.

You chose to provide a link to a complete description of your character instead of describing him.

Doing this not only looks lazy (you don't want to describe your character) and controlling (you want to force your opponent and readers to choose to find out about your character on their own) even if it isn't either, but it's also jarring. I'm tempted to chop off more than three points for this (more like five) but it's such a common error around here that I'll give a break on it- this time. It really needs to be understood that at least part of the point of writing (if not the entire point) is that it can then be read. Referring to another document when it's not absolutely necessary for space or time considerations is crude and damaging to your writing, and your relationship with the reader.

Inventiveness: 14/20 Pretty good. Although your character fought only with claw and dagger, which isn't particularly inventive, he used them well and in a variety of methods- he even had multiple kinds of dagger. He tried to use the terrain to his advantage, faked a loss at one point, and improvised when needed.

Writing Style: 11/20 Fairly bland. There really wasn't much to say about your writing style. You get an additional point for actually having a style, but it's a rather nebulous and underdeveloped one. Do work on it more, please, you have plenty of potential.

Combat Style: 17/20 Wonderful. Your character fought like an assassin- stuck with what he was good with, was tenacious and relatively quiet, straightforwards even while being sneaky, and took shots at his opponent's back whenever he could. Also, he refused to give up, which is another thing an assassin needs. He didn't show the patience that is typical with that kind, but that's excusable. Unfortunately, despite all that, there was nothing to make his style distinctive in any way- and it's hard to tell whether that's a method for him to avoid tracking, or a lack of thought in that direction.

Combat Effectiveness: 15/20 Very good. You could have done a better job of using the terrain, weather, and circumstances to your advantage (finding some way to force the frail Voldy into physical effort, for example), but you made excellent use of the daggers, timing, and some basic strategy. You should probably work more on more complex, layered combat tactics as well.

Character: 5/25 Very Bad. If it weren't for the fact that you continued to describe your character in tiny bits here and there throughout the fight, I'd have given you a 0 for this. Relying on a link to describe your character to your opponent and readers is not just bad form. It's also flat out bad writing. Presenting your opponent with a complete profile instead of a description does make it easier for them to write your character in terms of capability, but it makes it infinitely harder for them to separate 'writer knowledge' from 'character knowledge'. Given that we all here are amateur writers and I don't think many of us have copious acting or roleplaying experience (I could be wrong, but sometimes even in that case), this is an important failing point. You worked off of what you could guess, echo, and project based on your opponent's description- did you not think he could do the same?

Still, your character's nature and personality showed many times, and you did add little details now and then, so there's no way I'd give you a zero.

Overall Score: 122/200

Final Comments: While you only had a few failing points here, KB, these failing points were big issues. You used a prefab description in another location, you changed tenses constantly, your grammar had some very odd points, and while you were fairly inventive, you didn't look it, and didn't give it that extra push. I'll give you kudos for being willing to let your character go down when he should have, though.

Longest. Week. EVAR.

Judgement 2: Abbadon (with many colons)

Spelling: 5/5 Perfect. The only spelling error I saw here was a use of 'done' for 'down', which could have been provoked by your spell checker (if you use one).

Length: 8/10 Very good. There are no glaring instances of you writing too little or too much. However, there is a very consistent lack of 'direction' in the script sections, and the descriptions in the prose sections are a bit long comparatively speaking.

Writing Suitability: 3/10 Poor. The fact that you seem unable to choose a style hurts you here. Additionally, script is not a very good format for something like this, where you have another writer attempting to write the same story in different parts- particularly when they've already demonstrated that they aren't writing in script. Finally, the amount of description needed for clarity at times in this kind of battle makes script unwieldy to read and write. Your second post was essentially your best in the battle for this reason.

Reality: 7/15 Passable. Changing tense between posts one and two doesn't help you here, nor does the swap from script to prose. While you kept a good sense of the terrain and the locations of the characters, there wasn't much to indicate the characters themselves or their impacts on their surroundings (that poor tree aside). Additionally, during post 3, Letios inexplicably suddenly knows Voldemort's name, and during post 4, Voldemort suddenly knows Letios' as well. Given that they never told each other their names, this is highly wierd and jarring. Also, there's a point where Letios indicates that he knows the snake crawled into his wound... immediately after which, Voldemort proceeds to remind him of the snake (as if Letios had indeed forgotten it), point out that he couldn't have seen it (so how did Letios know in the first place?), and then launch into an unneccessary monologue during which I cannot possibly imagine an experienced assassin like Letios would not have proceeded to hurl as many poisoned daggers as humanly (or in his case, lizardly) possible.

Suspension of Disbelief: 5/15 Poor. Just because you're using someone else's material doesn't mean you can get away without any explanation at all. You have a character here who apparently does magic by waving a little stick. What the stick's relevance is, how he uses it, and what, exactly, he's doing is never mentioned, nor is the particular working of any of the spells. It's hard to believe a character whose abilities are utterly incomprehensible.

Grammar: 10/20 Okay. You had good points and bad points. 'Eye pupils' is redundant; 'eye pouches' gives the image of someone storing things in sacks hung from his eyeballs. You failed to capitalize a 'looking' at the beginning of a sentence, your script structure seems jarring and unfinished thanks to a lack of 'directions' (I recommend reading an actual script to understand), you repeat adjectives often, you refer to the characters only by name, you have moments of overly-passive tone, and there is at least one point where you appear to forget what you just wrote the previous few sentences. Your biggest issues here, though, are the script and the repetitiveness, both of which bite you on the butt multiple times. By contrast, when you do describe actions in your second post, you do a *frightfully* good job, especially on the spells.

Description: 7/20 Poor. You do a very good job of describing things. However, it's horribly misused in the script format. Script format is best when it's *not* especially descriptive- otherwise you have huge bloated wads of text chunking up the style. Your description of Voldemort (Who I hereby dub Moldy Wart) reads like a laundry-list, though, and I fail to see how a lizard's worst enemy could possibly be a snake (most lizards have a lot more to fear from birds, diseases, and particularly nasty mammalian predators), especially since you don't explain the odd statement at all (not that it doesn't seem out of place anyways).

Inventiveness: 10/20 Indecipherable. I give you a 10 on this because you did some using the terrain to your advantage, and some interesting uses of spells (not that using a common lighting spell to blind someone is a particularly new idea). I'm tempted to give you a 'null', because you use the spells like people already know what they do and how- which implies that they're all 'borrowed' from Rowling. While there's nothing wrong with using such abilities, there's apparently nothing new here.

Writing Style: 5/20 Bad. Your one post is great- that being your second post. All your script stuff, however, is very very hard to read, jarring, and really not a good example of script either. I really can't figure out why you didn't just use prose.

Combat Style: 17/20 Very good. You fought like a frail wizardly type, with the exception of Moldywart's bizarre ability to survive things like having a large chunk of chest missing without any sort of curative measure (though he had to stop the bleeding from the neck, which was nice to see happen, even if it was odd that the assassin didn't try to strike while he was doing that). I would like to point out one thing, though- Moldywart is a BBEG. He's a traitor, a killer (and assassin himself), and basically an untrustworthy slime. Ergo, he's not going to trust anyone else either. So why didn't he have any protections up to begin with?

Combat Effectiveness: 19/20 Near-perfect. As I can recall, you only used eight spells (levitation, flight, light, shrink, grow, your-weapon-goes-away-now, I-stop-bleeding, and summon-a-snake), but you used them very, very well. This is very believable in such a (supposedly) experienced spellcaster, particularly the fact that these spells are all so basic. Could have stood a little bit more in the way of inventive uses, but that's okay.

Character: 15/25 Okay+. You did describe the character. You gave a sense of personality both in attitude and in method of fighting. You re-described him constantly (which makes it even more puzzling that you only refer to him by name, and not as 'HWNMNBS' or 'the vile wizard' or somesuch). However, his initial description reads like a laundry list, and his sense of personality and attitude aren't particularly evil or sinister (by which I mean sneaky, not left-handed). He doesn't read like a Moldywart sort of bad guy, more like just some shmoe who happens to be especially cutthroat. Moldywart's a schemer, a plotter, a backstabber, and a sneak as well as a mage. That needed to show more.

Final Judgement: 111/200

Final Comments: O GODZ TH SKRIPT IS HURTINGS!!!!!11!11!111oneone1oneoneone11onecowmoodairyqueenbbq

Seriously, what was with that? That was the most self-destructive thing you did the whole battle. I'm all for flexibility, but your prose was so much better than your script that it was ludicrous. You have tense problems too, but not as many as KB over there, and you could stand to wield a Thesaurus in your off-hand.

That said, your prose showed a very high level of skill and potential both. Use that more, and use your script in situations where you're sure no judging is going to be involved, until it improves more. Also, read an actual script- they're full of scattered bits of stage direction, they don't have sudden blocks of it in one spot or another.




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FINAL JUDGEMENT:

Scores:
Kirby Boy [strike]2000[/strike]2007: 122
Abbadon 'Moldywart': 111

Winner: KB2000

Overarching comments: You both could stand some work, but they're in different places. Tense is an enemy to both of you. KB is more consistent, with fewer high points but fewer errors, which helps him in the end against Abbadon's extremely variable work. At least you both have spelling unquestionably down. The fight could have been seen as brutal- if we actually had the blood described to us. Both of you had description issues- Abbadon's excellent description was destroyed by his use of script, and KB's choice not to describe his character even in laundry-list format was very debilitating. You both have some 'reality' issues. Abbadon, please try to repeat yourself less.

It looks to me like both of you could stand to read what you've written aloud or in your head to yourselves before confirming that you've got what you want. It could solve a lot of issues.