The Dark Lord's Campaign part 1 (open challenge)

[Apiary Tazy]

Requested by Guildmaster

Hey.

I'll be doing the Selene style reviewing today.

So, let's go.

1-Up:
Spelling- .(5/5): The spelling is perfect :/

Length- (7/10)- You seemed to only put the required amount of length you need at the time. All of your posts are basically under two paragraphs, which does really matter becuse....of other matters

Writing Suitability- (0/10): Basically, you couldn't keep up with Guildmaster's style. When things got into it, you didn't bother to conform

Reality- (8/15): You were consistant sure (Which can arguably be a bad thing.) But, the area was basically non existant. You could be fighting on either a Plank of Wood or an empty planet for all we know :/

Suspension of Disbelief- (12/15): You were basically doing well until the Black Mist. There is actually no idea of what that is, other than it is a dark energy of some kind. What kind is it? Does it smell? Does it attach to V V or just slam into it? Other than it, it wasn't too bad.

Grammar- (18/20): There's only one error in all of your posts, which is the line about pain, but other than that the grammer is perfect.

Description- (5/20): You basically only did what was necessary for the match to continue and that's it. You basically only used what was needed for your posts to make sense. There was no character development or further descriping of anything. You never said how Soma attacked, how he healed, or pretty much anything other than a basic description,

Inventiveness- (3/20): Other than the ending, Soma could pretty much be anyone. He could be Garfield the Murdering Highwayman for all we know.

Writing Style- (2/20): Last I checked. One Paragraph of Basic Description is a pretty sh***y writing style.

Combat Style- (9/20): There was literally no time to show any combat style, but from what I saw, you only jump around in an attempt to shank V V. It would have probably went down from there :/

Combat Effectiveness- (10/20): You are guilty of two things. 1). You start by doing everything in existance to murder your opponent in record time. 2). When your opponent is able to get past your instant kill attempts, you buckle like a lego block castle meeting an older brother's fist. You'll have to learn to both let up on the murder, yet build up on the ways to defend. Don't do one yet ignore the other or you'll get much worse.

Character- (5/25) Your character was basically Shiki Nanaya of Melty Blood, and before you ask what he is, Nanaya was basically what your character was doing. Soma most certainly does not just jump around and stab, and he would do more than just die in the situation you were given. You could borrow from Dracula and Soma, but all you did was be a generic Magically Healing Shanker.
Score: 84/200

Guildmaster:
Spelling- (5/5): No Problems.

Length- (8/10): The length is good, only you artifically lengthened it by double spacing the whole thing.

Writing Suitability- (10/10): You basically set the scene of how the battle would go, especially since 1-up couldn't keep up with you.

Reality- (11/15): While you never actually used the environment, you at least acknowledged it and used it to create a good setting.$

Suspension of Disbelief- (10/15): You mostly certainly describe all of your attacks quite well, and your attacks are pretty similar for the most part. The only problem is the spike that was in his back. How could he not feel that? It's it his SPINE. Other than that, you did well.

Grammar- (20/20): Perfect, there's nothing else.

Description- (15/20): You most certainly have more description than most. Sure there's not much description on what the white spikes are, snd the end could be a little better, but other than that, nice job.

Inventiveness- (18/20) You seem to have a hunter vibe throughout this, what with the explosive Spikes and the Iron Maiden, but V V also has a very sinister side. It's....different.

Writing Style- (14/20): You have an obvious Writing Style, but the Spacing should be fixed.

Combat Style- (20/20 Obviously, the Combat style works, your character is vicious and malicious and so are his attacks. You most certainly did alot with him.

Combat Effectiveness- (10/20): You were a little too powerful in this. I'll concede that 1-up was basically using Soma the Vampire,but you didn't have to paralyze him in the 3rd post. Gawd.

Character- (20/25): Your character seems quite solid. He's a Hunter using Holy Weapons, but he's Evil in nature. Most characters that use the "Good but Evil" Archetype and something to them and your no different. His only downsight is that he kind of suffers some a lack of power boundries, but so do alot of character, so you don't lose too much.
Score: 161/200

Winner: Guildmaster!

In General: You both need to stop going straight for the jugular off the bat. It's basically who can do a deathblow faster, and if that doesn't work, it goes into a normal fight until the next deathblow and then someone dies.

Also, stop expecting people to know what your talking about. What if I don't know who Kefka or Soma are? You're screwed. I'll say one thing, and then you'll explode because I don't know who you mean. This also applies to the Book of Battlefields. I know it's there, but stop using it, expecting everyone you fight to read it. Copy and paste the description if you have to or don't use it, simple.

Finally, there is no need to post just because you want to state you'll post later. Just post later, and don't inform anyone. PM your opponent if you want to be annoying, yeah, but don't post in the topic just to inform others that you'll post at a later date. Obviously it's waste of time, unless in certain situations.

In short.....

1-up: Read some books. Absorb their text into your brain. Try to understand what it means to describe something in great detail. Trust me it will help you more than in the Gunjin.

Guildmaster: You're alright, though some polish will do worlds of good. At this point, reading older Gunjin topic will help you some, though you should do the rest yourself.

[1-up Salesman]

Actually, thanks! Now I know what I need to improve on.

[Mallow-teh-Marshmellow]

Ooc: The title says "Open Challenge"... But are you done with this topic, or can I fight you, too? :P /Ooc

[Bad Dragonite]

Topics done,i think.
I'm working on the sequel at the moment.