The worst reviews. (2)

[Sim Kid]

Septerra Core



WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?!?! A NON-SQUARE-ENIX CONSOLE STYLE RPG?!? YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS-IT SUCKS OR HAS BEEN STOLEN FROM SQUARE-ENIX BECAUSE I CAN'T FACE THE FACT THAT THIS GAME MIGHT BE GOOD!! BECAUSE IT'S NOT SQUARE, IT SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! IT SUCKS!!!

FIRST OFF, THERE IS THE GRAPHICS. WHAT THE HECK KIND OF GRAPHICS ARE THESE?! THEY SUCK!! SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK!! THIS GAME WAS MADE IN 1999 AND I'M USING TODAY'S XBOX STANDARDS!! AND I THESE WERE SQUARE-ENIX, I WOULD HAVE LOVED THESE GRAPHICS BUT THEY SUCK!! THEY SUCK THEY SUCK THEY SUCK!!!

AND THEN THERE'S THE STORYLINE. THERE'S A STUPID PLANET CALLED SEPTERRA THAT'S 7 SHELLS ORBITING AN IMMENSE COMPUTER CONNECTED BY A BIO-ORGANIC SPINE AND THE CREATOR WANTS TO GIVE MAN HIS POWER, SO EVERY 50 FREAKIN' YEARS, THE SHELLS LINE UP AND A PIECE OF SUNLIGHT BEAMS DOWN AND PIERCES THE CORE AND THEN THE TWIN KEYS COULD BE USED TO INHERIT THE CREATOR'S POWER. EVENTUALLY, A STUPID DAEMON (THEY CAN'T EVEN SPELL DEMON RIGHT!!! THEY SUCK!!!!) GRABS AHOLD OF THE KEYS SO SOME IDIOT WHO'S THE CREATOR'S SON KILLS HIM AND HIDES THEY KEYS AND SAYS THAT MAN IS NOT READY FOR THE POWER, BUT EVENTUALLY, MAN WILL HAVE TO INHERIT HIS POWER BECAUSE SOME STUPID SEPHIROTH WANNABE (HE QUALIFIES AS A SEPHIROTH WANNABE BECAUSE I SAY SO!!! DESPITE BEING NOT AT ALL LIKE SEPHIROTH AND HAVING BLACK HAIR, HE IS AUTOMATICALLY A SEPHIROTH WANNABE!!!) WANTS TO INHERIT THE IDIOT'S POWER AND RULE THE WORLD!! HARDLY ANYTHING IS STOLEN FROM FINAL FANTASY 7, BUT I SAY IT AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFIES AS BEING STOLEN FROM FINAL FANTASY 7 AND THE 1% THAT'S NOT STOLEN FROM FINAL FANTASY 7 SUCKS!! IT SUCKS!!

THE MAGIC SUCKS!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!

THE BATTLE SYSTEM SUCKS!!! I ONLY FOUGHT ONCE AND I HATE IT!! IT SUCKS I TELL YOU!! IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS!! IT'S ALSO A RIPOFF OF CHRONO TRIGGER BECAUSE SOME OF YOUR PLAYERS CAN ATTACK ALL ENEMIES IN A LINE AND YOU CAN SEE THE ENEMIES AND CAN CHOOSE TO APPROACH THEM OR NOT!! IT SUCKS!!! IT SUCKS!!!

AND ONE OTHER THING-YOU HAVE 9 PARTY MEMBERS AND YOU CAN ONLY USE 3 OF THEM!! THAT SUCKS MAN!! SURE-FINAL FANTASY 6 HAD 14 AND YOU COULD ONLY USE 4 AND CHRONO CROSS HAD ABOUT 40 BUT THIS STILL SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S NOT SQUARE!! IT SUCKS IT SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!

THE MUSIC IS NOTHING AT ALL LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7!! IT'S JUST BLOODY RECYCLED!! IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS!!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!

AND IN THE 5 MINUTES I PLAYED OF THIS GAME, THERE WAS NO BLOOD AT ALL! DO YOU HEAR ME? NOT A DROP OF BLOOD!! (**Septerra Core doesn't really have any blood**) FINAL FANTASY 7 DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY BLOOD BUT IT STILL RULES BECAUSE IT IS SQUARESOFT!!! THIS GAME SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! IT SUCKS GOT-DANGIT!! IT SUCKS!!

IN THE 5 MINUTES I PLAYED OF THIS GAME, I HATED EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! IT'S NOTHING BUT A FINAL FANTASY 7 RIPOFF!! SEPTERRA CORE SUCKS I TELL YOU!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!! IF THIS GAME WAS SQUARESOFT, I WOULD HAVE LOVED IT BUT IT'S NOT SO IT AUTOMATICALLY SUCKS!! DON'T PLAY THIS GAME AT ALL!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!


...I think I went a little overboard there...

[Banned from VGF]

^ ROLLS ON FLOOR, LAUGHING MY F*CKING DONKEY-HORSE-ELEFANT-C*CK-RABBIT-GIRAFFE ASS OFF BECAUSE OF THE ALL CAPPS AND REPEATED USE OF THE WORD: IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!IT SUCKS!!!!!!!

[Codiekitty]

Lemmings (SNES)



This game wasn't all that bad, except I couldn't see the lemmings at all. But how did I play the game? Randomly clicking random skills. I got past the first five levels, then that didn't work anymore. But it was kind of fun.


Where are these lemmings going? The Super Nintendo Super Shire! Hop in line and follow them there!

[Sim Kid]

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles



I did consider getting this game when I heard it was Square-Enix, but it's on a Nintendo console so it automatically sucks. (Especially since It's not even out here and I won't even play it! [img]tongue.gif[/img] )

[Codiekitty]

Ballz (SNES)

Ballz...

Hee hee hee...

Ballz...

Hee hee hee...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

WA HA HA HA BALLZ HAHA HAHA!!!

10/10

+1

(For those of you who don't know, this is a knockoff of Flying Omelette's joke review for this. I personally have never played this game. It's a pretty bad review that rips off another's, right?)

http://pub134.ezboard.com/fflyingomelet ... =1&stop=20


Where are these lemmings going? The Super Nintendo Super Shire! Hop in line and follow them there!

[ February 08, 2004, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: CodieKitty ]

[Sim Kid]

Star Wars: Knights of the old republic



THIS GAME SUCKS BECAUSE IT IS A CONSOLE STYLE RPG ON THE PC!!

But the Xbox version RULES!!!

[Banned from VGF]

Billy the Hatcher and the Giant Egg

:mad

THIS GAME IS THE MOST ****INGLY GAY GAME I'VE EVER SEEN! YOU CONTROL A LITTLE KID NAMED BILLY( BILLY, NOW THATS A GAY NAME FOR SOMEONE WHO GOT RAPED BY MIKAL JACKSON AT TEH GAEY PARADE THEN GOT SHOT IN TEH BALLS) WHO GETS SENT TO MORNING LAND OVERRUN BY CHIKINS TO BRING MORNING BACK TO MORNINGLAND. WHAT THE **** IS THIS GAME?! OH, AND THATS NOT ALL, YOU EVEN WEAR A ****IN CHIKINSUIT TO DEFEAT CROWS WITH; WTF WERE THE JAPS THIKNG WEHN TEY MAED DIS GAME? POCKET PROTECTORS? BREADMAKERS? EGGBEATERS? ANYWAY IT SUCKS.

YOU CONTROL EGGS BY PUSHING TEM AROUND DEFEATING ENEMIES AND COLLECT FRUITS TO HATCH THE EGGS TO GET REALLY GAY ANIMAL PARTNERS; NO TAHTS JUST PLAIN FRUITY AND FREE CHIKINS AND DEFEAT BOSSES. OH, ALL THAT THE GAMEPLAY IS IS THAT IT IS JUST A GAY MIX OF MARIO AND SONIC(WHICH BY THE WAY IS FAR BETTER). SOUND IS REALLY GAY, I TURNED IT ALL TEH WAY DOWN TO PROTECT MY MANHOOD SO TAHT I CAN GET ****ED BY MY GIRLFRIEND WHO ALSO HATED TIS GAEM ADN GOT TURNED ON BI SOUL CALIBUR 2 AND XTREME BEACH VOLLEYBALL(BOTH FAR SUPERIOR).
GRAPHICS ARE JUST DWARFED AND KIDDYE LIKE YUALL.

PLAY BMX XXX AND XTREME BEACH VOLLEYBALL, BOTH ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO THIS GAEM WHICH SUCKS AND IS GAY, AT LEAST THOSE TITLES PROTECT YOUR MANHOOD.

[Sim Kid]

^Cowers in a corner


Final Fantasy 9



I hate this game. I only played disc 1, where the storyline isn't very deep, Zidane's annoying, Dagger almost hates Zidane, and the character development isn't as good as it is in the rest of the game. I only played half of disc 1, I didn't even reach Lindbulm yet, but I know it already sucks. Play Final Fantasy 7 the 2349234827359823562356238452835623582350235'th time instead of playing this.

[Cloaked Dude]

Pokemon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire



WHAT KIND OF PINBALL GAME IS THIS? WHEN THE BALL GOES IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SAVER IS OFF, THEN YOU LOOSE THE BALL! EVEN ON ANY MODES, YOU LOOSE IT AND IT ENDS! ALSO, THE BONUS GAME IS SO CHEAP, THAT ITS ALMOST HARD AS THE GAME ITSELF!

[Sim Kid]

Unlimited SaGa




This game must rule-It's Square-Enix.

[Codiekitty]

Silhouette Mirage



This game is a Gunstar Heroes ripoff. I just read that Treasure made both games, but Silhouette Mirage is still a ripoff.

The graphics are ugly, the sound sucks, the graphics are ugly, controls are annoying, the graphics are ugly, the gameplay sucks, and did I mention the graphics suck?

The only reason I didn't give this eight mads is becuase SHYNA IS HOT!!!!


Where are these lemmings going? The Super Nintendo Super Shire! Hop in line and follow them there!

[Sim Kid]

Phantasy Star II

+1


THIS IS A 16 BIT RPG THAT'S NOT EVEN SQUARE SO IT SUCKS!!! I HAVEN'T EVEN PLAYED IT, BUT I'LL REVEIW THIS GAME ANYWAY!!!

THE BATTLE IS STUPID!! IT'S NOTHING AT ALL LIKE IT IS IN FINAL FANTASY 7!!! I'VE NEVER PLAYED IT, BUT I STILL SAY THESE BATTLE CONTROLS ARE RETARDED!!

THESE GRAPHICS ARE GOOD BY GENESIS STANDARDS, BUT COMPARE THEM TO FINAL FANTASY 7 AND GIVE THESE GRAPHICS A GOOD SCORE, WELL PHANTASY STAR FANBOYS AND FANGIRLS?

I'VE NEVER HEARD THE ACTUAL MUSIC, BUT SINCE IT'S NOTHING LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7, IT SUCKS!!! AND EVEN THOUGH THE GENESIS COULDN'T PRODUCE MUSIC AS GOOD AS IN FF7 EXCEPT FOR LAUGHTER, I STILL HAVEN'T PLAYED IT AND THE MUSIC IN FINAL FANTASY 7 ROCKED AND THIS SUCKED!! LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!!!

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I NEVER EVEN PLAYED THIS GAME, JUST LOOKED AT SCREENSHOTS AND THE ENDING AT VGMUSEUM, BUT IT'S NOTHING AT ALL LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7!! IT SUCKS!!! THE PLOT IS BASICALLY WHERE YOU PLAY AS A RETARD NAMED ROLF, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU PLAY AS ROLF OR NOT BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER EVEN PLAYED IT ON SOME HALF-WIT QUEST TO STOP THE RIPPPED-OFF-FROM-METROID-MOTHERBRAIN!!! THE PLOT IS TOTALLY RETARDED AND DON'T PLAY IT!!

THE CONTROLS PROBABLY SUCK SINCE THEY'RE NOT LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7 AND I'VE NEVER EVEN PLAYED THE GAME, AND THEY HAVE TO SUCK BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FF7!!

OVERALL, YOU COULDN'T PICK A WORSE GAME TO PLAY THAN PHANTASY STAR II!! IT'S NOTHING AT ALL LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7 YET IS A RIPOFF OF FINAL FANTASY 7!! I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HOW GOOD THE GAME REALLY IS, BUT IT SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S NOT AT ALL LIKE FINAL FANTASY 7!!! THIS IS THE WORST GAME ON THE GENESIS BESIDES PHANTASY STAR IV AND WHAT-EVER-OTHER GAMES ARE ON THE GENESIS I'VE NEVER EVEN TOUCHED LET ALONE PLAYED LONG ENOUGH TO GET AN OPINION!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! PLAY FINAL FANTASY 7 INSTEAD!! THAT'S A GAME BRO!!!!!

[ February 13, 2004, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Digitalpotato ]

[A Genius]

Mario and Luigi


Nintendo needs to stop this kiddy... something... begins with s... ****. I mean, this piece of car... crawawa... crap is just retarded. I mean, you can't go a single step without seeing a bunch of elephant rabbits. What's the deael with... uh... that?

And... don't get me started on the gameplay...! I just couldn't jam this thing into my N-Gage, and I just kept yeling... and yeling... "you little piece of fah... fururu... fupllesticks.. ****.

So I just through this game away, and never bought a Nintendo game agai...n. That's why I took to smoking cr.... carark... crack. Crack kicks... a... auhs... ASS.

*thump*

[Sim Kid]

^lol

Castlevania 2



I did not like this game. Simon Belmont looks like a stinking vampire with his WHITE SKIN but he kills Vampires with a whip that has the range of a ball of thread! Just HOW can ANYONE kill Dracula with a PIECE OF STRING!! This is supposed to be the MIDDLE AGES!!! And where's the sword? Why do they have to use whips? Why not Arrows or Spears? Also, Bloody Tears was pretty good to listen too, but I didn't like this game because the Belmont attacks with a piece of String...But why a whip? Is he an ancestor of Indiana Jones? I still say avoid and play the PS2 version.

[Heroine of the Dragon]

Yoshi's Story



THERE AREN'T ENOUGH SHYGUYS!!! This game could have done with so many ShyGuys that Yoshi was superfluous to the Story! Imagine how much better Yoshi's Story would have been if the Pirate ShyGuy had of been the main character! I'm thinking of storming Nintendo with an army of ShyGuy plushies and demanding they re-work the game to make it ROXXORZ. Who's WITH ME???? Grrrrrrrrrrr

[ February 14, 2004, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Heroine of the Dragon ]

[Sim Kid]

Wow, this thread attracted HotD.


Phantasy Star III: Generations of doom

+9999999999999999 mad smilies

I believe I said enough, except for Rhys was the only fun I had in the game except for the cool final boss.

[supperdish]

*Cowers in fear at HOTD*

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.


I HATE THIS ****IN GAME! THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE ****IN GAME YOU PUT ON SOME ****IN MASKS, AND THEY ARE ALL ****IN GAY! THIS GAME WAS SUPPOSED TO ****IN SCARE ME, BUT I LAUGHED AT THE ****IN "SCARY" PARTS! A GOOD GAME NEEDS LOTS OF ****IN BLOOD, ****IN SEX, AND ****IN GUNS! I MEAN PINK HERE EVEN RIDES A ****IN HORSE! HOW GAY IS THAT? YOU HAVE TO DO GAY ****IN THINGS IN 3 DAYS!! THAT IS SO ****IN CHEAP! I ****IN HATE IT! IT MAKES THE GAME SO ****IN ANNOYING HARD!

I BEAT THIS ****IN GAME IN 3 DAYS. IT WAS THE EASIEST ****IN GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED. WHY DIDN'T THIS ****IN GAME ONLY GET 5 ****IN MAD SMILES? BECAUSE YOU CAN KILL STUFF! THAT'S THE MOST ****IN FUN PART OF THE ****IN GAME, AND I GOT BORED BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ****IN GUNS.

My poor asterik key...

[Sim Kid]

These new reviews are now beginning to scare me.


Fire Emblem



It's not Square-Enix, therefore, it must suck! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[A Genius]

Wario Ware


PITIFUL MORTALS!! ART THOU NOT AWARE THAT ALL NINTENDO GAMES ARE PURE AND UTTER PIECES OF ****?!?!? ART THOU NOT AWARE THAT ONLY THE X-BOX HAS GAMES WORTH MORE THAN ALF A DECAYING RAT? I'M REFERING TO THE EARLY X-BOX GAMES, MIND YOU. IN IT'S LATER YEARS, THE X-BOX HAS BECOME NOTHING SHORT OF RIDICULOUS GARBAGE. TOO MANY NON-FPS GAMES. SERIOUSLY, WHO NEEDS THAT? JESUS CHRIST.

WHAT IS THIS GAME ABOUT? I DON'T THE HELL KNOW. AS NEAR AS I CAN MUSTER, A FAT NINTENDO MASCOT WITH A HOMOEROTIC COLOR SCHEME CREATES A SERIES OF TWO SECOND MINIGAMES. I WOULDN'T BE SO ANNOYED WITH THIS GAME IF ONLY IT WASN'T NINTENDOFIED. SO INSTEAD OF CREATIVE AND ORIGINAL GAMES, EACH GAME IS BASICALLY THE SAME AS THE NEXT ONE, AND THE NEXT ONE IS PURE **** ANYWAY, SINCE THE FKRST ONE SUCKED PRETTY BADLY, AND WAS CARBON COPIED TO THE SECOND GAME, WHICH IS THE SAME AS THE FIRST, WHICH SUCKED, SO THE SECOND GAME SUCKED TOO, BECAUSE IT WAS BASED ON THE FIRST. IN FACT, EVERY SINGLE ****ING GAME IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE PREVIOUS ONE. ONE LEVEL IS ALL ABOUT SPORTS GAMES, YET THE NEXT LEVEL, WHICH CLAIMS TO BE ABOUT NINTENDO GAME (WHICH SUCK ANYWAY) IS EXACTLY THE ****ING SAME! HOW HOMOEROTIC IS THAT?

AND THE BOSSES! DEAR GOD, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE BOSSES. THE BOSSES ARE QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST ASPECT OF THIS GAME. TAKE A LOOK AT THE FIRST BOSS. A STUPID NINTENDO FANBOY PERVERT RETARD BLACK NAZI HOMO MIGHT SAY, "ooh but wait please the stupid gay nintendo mascot PUNCHES A ****ING PUNCHING BAG isnt that cooool like michael jackson?????????" WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, MORON IT'S NOT. IT'S JUST A STUPID RYTHM GAME. NO SKILL INVOLVED, EXCEPT AS MUCH SKILL AS IT TAKE TO PRES A SINGLE ****ING BUTTON. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ALL THE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? BESIDES GEORGE BUSH.

IN FACT, IT'S TRULY TERRIBLE THAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE ALLOWED TO WALK THE EARTH! HERE'S WHAT WE SHOULD DO WITH ALL STUPID NINTENDO FANBOYS PERVERT RETARD BLACK NAZI HOMOS. FIRST: WE DIG A WHOLE. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A BIG HOLE, SINCE THERE ARE ONLY, LIKE TWO OF THESE STUPID HOMOWADS LEFT. THEN, WE CALL OUT THE US MILITARY. WE MIGHT AS WELL CALL OVER THE JAPANESE MILITARY, THEY'RE PART OF THIS PROBLEM, SO THE LEAST THEY COULD ****ING DO, IS HELP US FIX IT. THOSE BASTARDS. THEN, WE TAKE THE ARMIES, KILL ALL THE FANBOYS, AND BURY THEM IN THE HOLE. WE SHOULD PUT THE HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN, TOO. JUST IN CASE.

-A Genius (Fear the +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ key!)

[Sim Kid]

SGGG



I've never even heard of this game, but I really do know that because it's not an Xbox game, it MUST suck!!