Worst Movie Reviews

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Worst Movie Reviews

#1

Post by Gumby dammit » Sun May 23, 2004 10:18 pm

This is like the Worst Reviews,but with movies. Credit to Motley Crue for starting the original Worst Reviews.

The scoring system is the same as The Worst Reviews .

LOTR: Fellowship of the ring
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
I watched this movie 'cause the book was like a thousand billion pages,and BOY did this movie suck hard!
This group of hobos with no shoes want to kill some bad guy and destroy a ring with some writing on it. I dunno what the ring is for,because I couldn't stay awake for the first 5 minutes. Why? No one was shot,decapitated,or stabbed. All it ended up to be was a buncha talking with a midget and a Santa Clause rip off.
Overall,this movie SUCKS! You'll be better off stabbing your eyes than watching this piece of poop.
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#2

Post by A Genius » Wed May 26, 2004 8:50 pm

Big Fish
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: x 999999999999999999 lololol

i went into this movie ecpextiing to see a bbbiiiigggggggg fhis, but i didnt seee any atall , i think that sucks the only big fish that was therer wasn't toooo big, just kinda big i WANT BIGGER FISH!!!!!!!!
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#3

Post by OcarinaMan » Thu May 27, 2004 5:02 pm

Indiana Jones and th Raiders of the Lost Ark: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Gaah! This is a stupid movie with a stupid guy who fights with a stupid WHIP! What's a WHIP good for?
You can\'t spell \"women\" without woe.
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#4

Post by homer » Thu May 27, 2004 7:06 pm

..Wow, Sad. He obviosly didn't Watch the Movie, Or else, he would have seen the COUNTLESS dead at the beginning of the movie. Not to Mention Frodo Was Stabbed TWICE. And the Book was only about 400 pages. If you couldn't read that, You must either be a four year old, or have no eyes.

Oh, I seem to have Forgoten the Part Where Borimere was Shot 3 TIMES with arrows, And Killed 6 or 7 orcs while he was dying.

(Heh, Sorry, LOTR Buff >> ;)

[ May 27, 2004, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: :O1111 ]
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#5

Post by Sim Kid » Thu May 27, 2004 7:22 pm

Pokemon: The first movie


:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


THIS MOVIE SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!! IT'S CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! IT'S CRAP ON TOAST!! IT'S CRAP ON ICE!! IT'S CRAP ON A STICK!! IT'S CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

THE ANIMATION SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! IT'S ANIMATED!!! THEIR MOUTHS JUST OPEN AND CLOSE, IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!

THE STORY SUCKS!! THE MOST RETARDED BONEHEAD IN THE WORLD HAS TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM MEWTWO!! IT'S PURE CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

THE BATTLES SUCK!! DESPITE THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE MOVIE IS ONE BIG POKEMON BATTLE, THERE IS NO BLOOD!! DO YOU HEAR ME? NOT A DROP OF BLOOD!! THEY ARE PURE 100% CRAP ON A FLAMING STICK OVER AN OPEN FIRE!!!

THE SOUNDTRACK SUCKS!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! I WASTED AN HOUR AND A HALF WATCHING THIS CRAP ON A STICK!!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! THIS MOVIE IS PURE CRAP!!! DO NOT EVER SEE THIS MOVIE!! YOU'LL ENJOY IT ABOUT AS MUCH AS PLAYING THE STUPID GAMES!! THIS MOVIE IS JUST CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!! CRAP ON A FLAMING PIECE OF TOAST ON A FLAMING STICK HELD OVER AN OPEN FIRE ON SOMEBODY'S HAIR WHILE THEY WERE STANDING ON A NUCLEAR WEAPON!!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!
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#6

Post by Gumby dammit » Thu May 27, 2004 10:00 pm

^
^

But you miss my point. You're SUPPOSED to give good movies bad reviews. Yes,I read the book,and I know there's 400 or so pages. The point is to give good movies bad reviews or bad movies good reviews.

Anyway,now I'll do...

Ju-On: The Grudge
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Horror my foot! This frickin' movie didn't scare me.

Here's the plot,a brat kid and a bi*** women die and come back as ghosts to kill people. Stupid,huh?

Anyhoo,the mom kills people by sucking 'em into a black myst or something. My ears were bleeding due to the annoying sounds and japenese speech. The brat kid did nothing but scare the crap outta people,nothing more,nothing less.


NOTE: Before people start flaming me,I liked this movie,I'm giving it a bad review because that's what you do in this post. Give good movies bad reviews for fun.
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#7

Post by Sim Kid » Thu May 27, 2004 10:57 pm

^You really didn't need to post that other reply. You said the same thing in that above post.


And just so you know, anyone else who flames will have their post edited out.
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#8

Post by I'm Hammermap » Sun May 30, 2004 1:19 am

Originally posted by Digitalpotato:
Pokemon: The first movie


:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


THIS MOVIE SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!! IT'S CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! IT'S CRAP ON TOAST!! IT'S CRAP ON ICE!! IT'S CRAP ON A STICK!! IT'S CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

THE ANIMATION SUCKS!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! IT'S ANIMATED!!! THEIR MOUTHS JUST OPEN AND CLOSE, IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!

THE STORY SUCKS!! THE MOST RETARDED BONEHEAD IN THE WORLD HAS TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM MEWTWO!! IT'S PURE CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

THE BATTLES SUCK!! DESPITE THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE MOVIE IS ONE BIG POKEMON BATTLE, THERE IS NO BLOOD!! DO YOU HEAR ME? NOT A DROP OF BLOOD!! THEY ARE PURE 100% CRAP ON A FLAMING STICK OVER AN OPEN FIRE!!!

THE SOUNDTRACK SUCKS!! TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST CRAP!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! I WASTED AN HOUR AND A HALF WATCHING THIS CRAP ON A STICK!!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! THIS MOVIE IS PURE CRAP!!! DO NOT EVER SEE THIS MOVIE!! YOU'LL ENJOY IT ABOUT AS MUCH AS PLAYING THE STUPID GAMES!! THIS MOVIE IS JUST CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!! CRAP ON A FLAMING PIECE OF TOAST ON A FLAMING STICK HELD OVER AN OPEN FIRE ON SOMEBODY'S HAIR WHILE THEY WERE STANDING ON A NUCLEAR WEAPON!!! IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!
Actually, that's true in many places...

SHREK 2
ITS GOT A DONKEY IN IT AND EVERYONE KNOESES THAT DONKEYS ARE THE EMBODIEMENT OF EVIL!!! AND IT HAS A STUPID UGLY OGRE AND ANOTHER OGRE. AND A STUPID POTION PLOT TWIST!
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#9

Post by Sim Kid » Sun May 30, 2004 3:14 am

^Really.


Kiki's delivery service


:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I turned on the movie for my 25 year old nephew and I saw a girl lying on a hill-And it showed SEVERAL other girls! I quickly switched the movie off and said "This movie is too mature for you. You can watch Lion King,".
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#10

Post by Gumby dammit » Sun May 30, 2004 9:19 am

Ringu

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

What? Why is this movie bad? Uh... I dunno. It has Japenese people in it. I only gave this 5 mad faces 'cause Japenese girls are hot,even though I hate Japanese people. This review didn't make any sense to you? Well guess what? I know where you live. So make yourself make sense of this review.
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#11

Post by I caught a zubat » Thu Jun 03, 2004 6:03 pm

Harry Potter and the Scorceror's stone

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

This is teh worst movie in the werld! It's about a four-eyed kid who saves the school from a stoopid scorceror! And then he gets a crappy stone! Plus, they try to act funny and add some stupid scenes in there just to make it funny! Hey! If we want to laugh, we'd better off seeing Family Guy or the Simpsons or South Park! Plus, the book is boring! Boring! It's not as good as good ol' Spiderman movies!

Harry Pothead's action- I attack j00! I bring out my wand! Blank screen! What happened?

Spiderman's action- Spidey uses some 1337 flips to dodge some missles, AND WEBS J00!

Anyways, whatever you do, don't watch this movie.
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#12

Post by A Genius » Thu Jun 03, 2004 7:12 pm

^Truuue dat.

The Devil's Rain
:( :( :( :( :( :(

Oooh, goodness! Were to begin! The movie starts off not to terribly (other than the vile reference tyo Satan and the disgusting intro), but then a man walks right into the screen and MELTS right in front of the viewers eyes! As it progresses, the movie continues to commit other such Satan-glorifying acts often performs acts of hate against god, and stands as nothing less than a 90 minute COMMERCIAL FOR LUCIFER. I'm amazed that the good Catholics of the world didn't burn all the reels and videos of the horrid movie after its release! And worst of all is the ending, where almost every member of the cast gruesomely melts, once again in full view of the watcher! This movie is NOT fit for children!

-A Genius (This one really isn't a very good movie from any perspective, but if you ever find yourself watching it, just fast forward to the melting scene I mentioned. It's kind of gross, but somehow amusing.)

[ June 03, 2004, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: A Genius is stoopit ]
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